Free to Be
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Today we round out the preconditions Maslow cited as important for protecting our use of our cognitive abilities and meeting our basic needs. The remaining two that we haven’t already examined are the freedom to express oneself, and the freedom to do as one wishes as long as no harm is done to others. I see these as closely related. The second could even be said to be just an extension of and limitation to the first—doing as one wishes is the expression of the self in action. Drawing the line at the place where others would be harmed by one’s actions is a commonly held ideal in many cultures. Considering the consequences of our actions to others is a common-sense way to evaluate the wisdom of our plans. We’ve previously covered the topic of freedom of speech, which allows the public revelation of one’s truth. These last two preconditions go to the individual’s ability to be who he feels himself to be at the core, and to act in accordance with his authentic characteristics within reasonable parameters.
Being and doing are the yin and the yang of self-expression. Let’s first look at doing, since the importance of action is emphasized in most developed countries around the world in which you’re likely to be reading these words. The ability to take action is, clearly, a hugely important part of life; we must eat, keep ourselves clean and healthy, and learn to make a living somehow if we are to live at all. But in many places, taking action is held out as the only thing that really matters. Right from the beginning, our parents and teachers tend to emphasize that what we produce makes us who we are. They want us to complete all of our assignments and earn high marks. They want us to try extracurricular activities, particularly competitive ones, and be good at them, make friends, and maybe even be known to be popular. They hope we’ll have ambitions and work toward them consistently. We’re pressured to remain good looking and committed to physical fitness. As we get older, we’re told that we need to get into a good college, study important subjects, get a good job that pays well. We’re often expected to get married and have children, and take on leadership positions in society. If we can find a way to become well known or even famous, so much the better. We’re expected to stay busy, active, social, and productive by external measures. But how much of this is really expressive of who we are and want to be internally? We may figure out that we have choices in how to accomplish all of this, but may not feel able to buck all the pressure to do these things at all if they don’t seem like good expressions of who we are. Action moves us toward the things we want and need in life, but I suggest that unconsidered action is no virtue. In fact, it’s the root of a lot of destructive behavior that exhausts us at best and causes irreparable harm at worst. Effective action is that which proceeds from consideration and planning in a focused, conscious manner.
On to the yin of being. We may be taught that who we are on the inside is important, and that we should strive to be loving, or charitable, or tolerant, or accepting of others for the sake of being a good person. Many religions and other systems of thought set out the qualities of an ideal human being. But many of them also de-emphasize our individuality and ask us to put aside our desires and ideas in order to align with that ideal. Maslow’s thinking tells us that it’s natural for us to have a desire to express ourselves. Once the basic needs are attained, we move on to a drive toward self-actualization—toward bringing more of what we are and more of our potential out into the world. As far as how to bring balance to a life of high activity, though, we often don’t receive much instruction. Yin activities like resting, thinking, calmly cooperating with or visiting with others, playing non-competitive games, spending time alone reflecting on one’s life, meditating or praying, are often somewhat discouraged in our busy world. People who prefer these to more active pursuits may be branded as anti-social, lazy, or ineffective. But constant action that is not balanced by healthy doses of yin-building activity causes people to overextend themselves, lose effectiveness, act out destructively, stress out, and flame out. Achievement is a great joy, but so is relaxation. When we have managed to create clarity in our yin time about who we think we are and how we want to present ourselves to the world, we can take action in ways that are more accurate, more constructive in sharing our message. We are more likely to be able to maintain a sense of peace with our current reality, even as we move toward a future reality we desire. Weaving this sense of peace throughout our activities helps us to make sane decisions that would be impossible from a sense of overwhelm, exhaustion and pressure. Yin time may not be glamorous, but our greatest ideas come to us when we’re relaxed. If you’re always running, you’re not making space for your brilliance to emerge.
Free countries engage in making it safe for us all to be and do as we wish as long as we’re not harming others. On such a populous planet, this can be endlessly complicated, to be sure! With so many of us running around with free will and unique ideas, there are bound to be crashes of all types, and so there are. Even how to define harm is hard to agree on because of the multitude of viewpoints so many humans represent. I don’t think there can ever be a perfect, finished culture that has it all figured out, because humans are always striving to evolve in new ways. The challenge of living a conscious life filled with satisfying meaning is in finding ways to balance all the factors in front of you; doing it well means to eke out the best expression of yourself and your desires that you can muster while endeavoring to cause the least harm possible to others. In my experience, it’s far more fun to both create and compete in a world that’s rigged for everyone to have a path to winning.
So how do you balance it all? Some ideas for thinking this through:
· Do you often feel that you’re functioning at the end of your rope? If so, how could you add some more yin activity/inactivity into your life?
· Do you feel uninspired? Maybe you haven’t thought about what you’re doing and why for a while. Write in a journal, talk to a close friend, or just take some time to think through how you can make your life a better expression of you.
· Do you have trouble taking action? If so, consider what you’re afraid of. If you can find ways to deal with these fears, you’ll have a better chance of staying motivated to act.
· If you lack energy, but are not overscheduled, take a look at your diet and exercise regimens and see if you can try improving something here that might produce more physical vitality.
· No matter what your situation, remember the importance of play. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you’ve outgrown this. Find a way to be silly, goofy, or just do something that’s just illogically fun. We forget how much this can restore healthy perspective.
· Do you resent having to think about how your actions will affect others? You may need to find some time in which you can act freely or express yourself freely in a place where no one else will be affected by what you do. Go hiking or camping by yourself. Yell at the sky. No one likes to feel restricted unnecessarily, but others have a right not to be harmed by us. Find some way to siphon off some of those extra emotions. EFT/Tapping is also great for this!
Being able to be who we are and act in authentic ways is extremely important to our happiness. Keep taking small steps toward both of these and your life will continue to feel better. If you hit a snag, don’t be afraid to get help! You deserve to be able to meet your basic needs and strive for your deepest desires.