No Part of You Left Behind
“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.”
There's a great deal of scientific evidence showing that unhappy emotions like anger and grief block healthy bodily functions, whereas emotions like joy, love, and gratitude enhance health and healing. In addition, rather obviously, feeling good is more fun than feeling bad, as well as more energizing and more enjoyable for others to be around. And yet, though most of us would rather feel great much more of the time, being happier isn't just about deciding to be. It's true that we can do quit a bit by intending to and choosing to focus on happiness with the conscious mind. But if you've been through traumas that your body and your subconscious are holding onto, releasing them is not about willpower—the conscious mind is the wrong tool for this job. What's required is a safe way to process the trauma that involves the body, emotions, mind, and spirit all at once. This is why I'm a passionate proponent of EFT, which is a superhero of a toolbox that is made precisely for this jobs well as for the processing of less difficult, but still not ideal, emotions. Through using it, we can take back our power to let go of the old and outdated and live squarely and freely in the moment.
Now let's get back to the subject of feeling good. With the power of the conscious mind, you can absolutely choose to spend time every day, even just in odd moments like while you're sitting in traffic or in line at the grocery store, consciously bringing to mind happy, fulfilling experiences you've had and making an effort to feel joy and gratitude for these experiences. By the way, these don't have to be grandiose, world-transforming memories, just those of times when you enjoyed something beautiful or the company of someone you like. We often spend a lot of time obsessing over what we want to change and fix in our lives; why not balance this out with thoughts of happiness and zest for the good things in life? Doing this for even a couple of minutes a day will give you a physical boost of happiness chemistry that can color your whole day with good mojo. It also builds better mental habits so that over time the balance of your thoughts will start to skew more positively, and you'll start to get out of vicious circles and into more productive ones. Habit is powerful, and when a habit is enjoyable, it's easier to solidify it. Just be sure to go about this exercise with a relaxed attitude and focus on the enjoyment of your happy memories. You're not looking to force anything, just have a good time and appreciate the good times you've had in your life.
Now, while the mind is powerful, I want to point out that this kind mental focus won't work as well if you're not clearing out old traumas, because you'll find that it's hard to concentrate on what's good in the presence of the negative beliefs that arise from those. It's also easier to do this if you've learned the basics of meditation, and know how to get back to a neutral place in your mind if more difficult memories or current concerns do interrupt your happiness and gratitude practice. And they will! Even the most practiced person alive never achieves lasting perfection. There's a concept in Buddhism that tells us that after achieving enlightenment, which is sometimes referred to as the dropping of burdens, we must eventually pick them up again and keep walking (go on with the business of living)—we should just do our best not to pick up more of them. In this interpretation, even those who achieve enlightenment don't necessarily stay in a beatific state forever, so don't be surprised when you (a normal mortal, I presume) can't manage to keep all your thoughts happy and bright! Still, the more you can clear out the charge of anything in your past that was traumatic, the fewer internal hooks your worries and complaints will have to hang onto.
One definition of trauma that I think is useful is: Anything that causes us to feel that our survival is threatened while we are, at the same time, powerless. Knowing how overactive many people's fight/flight/freeze response is in the modern world because of its constant, overwhelming pace and endless sensory stimulation, plus unreasonable societal expectations, it's easy to see how often we may experience trauma, whether or not we're used to thinking of it this way. Animals in the wild will physically shake off trauma, and researchers now believe that this natural response holds a key to humans' ability to heal as well. When we can bring the body and its sensations into our healing work, sometimes even shaking as animals do as we let go of traumatic past experiences, we are better able to move forward without lasting effects continuing to limit us. For more on the nature of and recommendations on healing trauma, you may find Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine and Ann Frederick to be useful. Note that anyone who has big trauma in their past should seek the help of a qualified professional before attempting to work with it. Having appropriate support in this kind of work from both professionals and family and friends is a requirement of creating the safety necessary for success.
I hope you will consider both the importance of using your mind and that of involving your emotions, body, and spirit in your concept of constant self-improvement and in your journey toward greater happiness. Only in doing so will you find the most complete healing, the greatest reclamation of lost energy, and the most fulfilling empowerment you have sought. Everyone deserves to live with authenticity and freedom from past difficulties, and I wish you more of those in the week ahead.