Ganging Up on Yourself?
“Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.”
I read an article this week that I found absolutely fascinating, and I wanted to share with you some of the content and how that relates to your relationship with yourself. The article described how Ecuador has done something very out-of-the-box to deal with gang-related violence. I know this might not seem relevant on a personal level, but stay with me here! Like most countries, it was not really getting anywhere in trying to eradicate the problems caused by gangs and their violent interactions. Over ten years ago, after a long negotiation process, Ecuador allowed gangs to “legalize,” or register as cultural groups, which could then qualify for grants and other assistance and partnerships with government. Large numbers of gang members decided to accept, and were able to implement programs that trained their members in the development of useful job skills, and provided other opportunities for community projects.
While this isn’t the only action the government took (apparently the police worked to become more trusted and integrated into communities as well) the murder rate plummeted to a third of its previous levels within that time. Some gang members did not accept, and the problems haven’t been completely eradicated, especially since the amount of money available for projects fluctuated in a changing economy) but the positive movement created by the policy seems to be quite real. Some of the people who had become enmeshed in the gangs jumped at the chance to accept better options when they were made available. When they could take their place in a group with a cohesive identity in a positive way, and know that it was possible to find decent jobs with new skills, they preferred to leave the old violence behind.
So to relate this back to yourself, ask yourself this question: What parts of myself do I vilify and reject as hopeless that might be harnessed for good if I listened to what they really need?
Maybe there’s a part of you that you’ve been unable to affect that habitually procrastinates. Procrastination is generally about fear, so what is this part of you afraid of? If you’re not sure, try Tapping while you ask this and just wait for an answer. Given time, you may find that you come up with a memory that explains the fear, or a situation you’re worried about that you’re convinced you couldn’t handle if it arose. If you eventually get an answer, you can address the fear and move beyond the habit, but not by trying to force that part of you into submission. That’s what we tend to try to do first, and often only, and it doesn’t work. When some part of us feels threatened, it will try to sabotage us out of taking the actions that might produce the results we fear, often on a subconscious level where it’s almost impossible to stop. It needs help in order to feel more resourceful, more capable of handling what may come up when you move beyond your comfort zone, and if you want to make progress, providing this help will be your task.
Or maybe you’re angry at your body for having a chronic issue or pain. What if, instead of railing at it daily and calling it ugly names, you were to start befriending it? What if you became committed to finding out what the pain is telling you, and trying to work with your body’s needs instead of trying to drag it around ignoring them with every fiber of your being?
What if, instead of being so chronically disgusted with your own limitations (we all have them!) you were willing to look at the ways in which they’ve shaped your perspective, your compassion, your life experience, in ways that could benefit you and those around you? You’re living a unique life, even on a planet with billions of people on it. You have unique messages and wisdom to share, though sometimes finding it takes some digging, because its source is disguised as hardship or frustration.
Cooperation often wastes less energy and yields more creative solutions that fighting. What part of you could you work on aligning yourself with this week in an effort to understand it better? You’ll get the best results if you can approach it as a neutral negotiator who comes to the table without preconceptions. What could this part of you be trying to indicate? What needs might it be trying to flag for you? What troubles might it save you in the future if you were to listen now, and actually deal with the friction that’s causing the wear and tear? And what actions might you take if you were to accept its message and needs as valid?
I wish you a steadily improving relationship with all the parts of yourself this week and beyond—one that allows you to constantly learn and thrive.