So Much Happier Blog
Surge Forward or Have Patience?
“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.”
Because we live our lives in a constantly changing landscape of influences, we're always learning about the possibilities that are open to us, and the new ones constantly appearing through the creativity and interactions of the billions of other people who share the planet with us. The flow of ideas through which we move makes it possible for us to be learning things without even realizing it. Our minds are continually synthesizing everything they take in, giving us access to the building blocks with which to come up with our own new ideas. Often we disregard such ideas without even fully vetting them because of old programming left over from the past; this slows down our own progress, as well as the progress of humanity as a whole, by depriving it of your potential contributions, which is why it's a good idea to stop sometimes and take stock of what you really want. You may find that your old goals no longer satisfy. When you really open your mind to what would excite you most to work toward, you may find that it's time to make adjustments.
If you never do this, you may find your energy and enthusiasm tanking without realizing that it's because you're not moving toward anything that feels truly inspiring. For instance, I have a client I recently worked with who had been starting to yearn for a particular change, but hadn't really admitted this to him/herself until we sat down together and there was some dedicated time and space to say, "You know, I think what I really want most right now is this." It turned out to be something quite achievable, and within a week, everything was being arranged in a new way to support the stated goal. This person was relieved and energized, and couldn't wait to do the work of actualizing the new plan. And isn't that where we'd all like to be—enthusiastically meeting life every day and enjoying the tasks we take on?
On the other hand, it's also very possible to be vigilantly on the lookout for new opportunities and feel that they're not showing up, which can be particularly frustrating when we see how quickly everything is changing around us, including for other people we know. My best recent story about this is my own. I had been looking for ways to make a change in a particular area of my life for what felt like way too long without feeling like I was getting anywhere—despite doing everything I could think of that seemed in line with my desires. When a new opportunity finally did arise, I had an epiphany about why the process I'd gone through to get to that point was actually going to end up being important and useful in ways that were previously unforeseen.
Without telling the whole long story here, I'll just say that that the new state of things included a resolution to something old and very thorny that I'm still not finished dismantling, but that will feel like a great accomplishment to me when I am. It wouldn't sound all that splashy to everyone, but I feel like I've gained higher, more satisfying ground and a deeper understanding of the good that can come of something that has been extremely difficult for me for a long time. I see a bigger, and quite expansive, picture now of where this fits in the context of my life, and there were times when it seemed like this story would never make any sense. All this is really to say that sometimes the only thing to do is persist, because the alternative is to lie down and give up. If you do persist, the creative, constantly aware parts of your mind that are always working may eventually reveal patterns to you that you did not see coming at all. The moment when it all coalesces can be a gorgeous, stunning thing that is worth the wait. I'm still not super psyched that this whole thing took as long as it did for me, but feeling like it was all to a purpose makes all the difference in the world.
Sometimes one of the hardest things in life is to know whether you should be surging forward or waiting for opportunities to align. This will always be individual and therefore mysterious, something no one else can dictate to you. But I think finding the balance here involves both making space for awareness by reexamining your circumstances with regularity to find what's true for you in the now, and being willing to persist and have patience when it looks like there's no possible resolution to your problems. Things will keep changing, and eventually, those changes will align to help your cause if you're paying attention and ready to seize the moment.
Where in your life do you think you need to reexamine right now and where do you need to have patience? This is a question to ask yourself often. It can really get the creative parts of your mind activated and working for you. You might want to do this with someone else, taking turns talking through both sides of the question. If you try this and have any useful realizations, I'd love to hear about it in the comments section below. I hope you end up with new realizations that keep you moving ever onward and upward.
The Moment of Truth
“In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.”
The last installment in this series about changing a negative belief has arrived! This week, we'll look at the role of taking new actions in order to solidify your new beliefs. Notice that this is the last step in the process I'm recommending, and that is purposeful; you may also note that it bucks the trend of the most commonly spouted advice about feeling fear and resistance and just "powering through it," "walking it off," and acting anyway. While that can be helpful advice when you've already done your internal preparations and are beginning your foray into the realm of the new, taking it on to the exclusion of doing your internal work can be downright dangerous. If you take such a harsh, dismissive view toward the parts of yourself that are not yet on board with your choices, you are likely to treat others with similar harshness and arrogance. In case you haven't noticed, our world doesn't need a whole lot more of these right now. How about a more responsible approach?
Once you've made progress on your old belief through your mental, emotional, and spiritual attachments to the old, and you're feeling pretty good about what seems possible to you now, it's time to decide on some small actions you can take to affirm all the good work you've done and take steps toward your goals. These should be items you know you can do, even if they challenge you a little. Then, you're going to choose one to do first. Now that you've decided, are you totally comfortable starting it now? Take a moment to imagine that you're about to begin, or even go ahead and pick up the phone or otherwise act like you're going to do it immediately. At this point, you may start to notice resistance, fear, anxiety, or negative thoughts arising. This is actually a good thing, because it clarifies what is likely to trip you up as you work. You can be happier and more productive if you Tap for each of the emotions, sensations, and thought patterns that you've noticed before you really hit those tasks.
If one of your thoughts was, "I can't do it...I'm just not good at this," that probably brings up a bunch of emotions about times when you think you failed in the past as well as fear in the present. First, you might Tap for the fear you feel about taking action. Then, when that's calmer, you might work on past memory that means failure to you, and how you felt about it at the time, as well as how you still feel about it now. Keep doing this until the idea of taking action now is the first step in a learning process. When it feels like everything you think of yourself is riding on the outcome of every little task, you won't keep going if something goes wrong. If, however, you can get to an understanding that even something that seems like a disaster need not stop you indefinitely because it's just another opportunity for learning, then you will be very hard to keep down. That's what I want for you, and Tapping can help you to get there naturally so that your new belief seems logical and stable.
When you take the time to work with your reactions rather than trying to stuff them down and discount their value, you build a calmer life for yourself while continuing to learn about what motivates and what stops you from being your best self every day. You may not be able to completely remove all of your discomfort, but you can gain a lot of relief with Tapping, even if the same things continue to come up as you take action toward your goals and you need daily maintenance for a while. Some new patterns take time and practice to stabilize. While change usually takes longer than we want it to, knowing that you have the power to feel better in just a few minutes of Tapping is empowering. The rest is just rinse and repeat! You have all the basics of how to change outmoded beliefs at your disposal. So now that you're unstoppable, what will you do to wield your powers for good?