People Are Annoying

“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!”

— Tom Lehrer

You know how some days you have a run-in with someone (not homeless or obviously mentally ill) who displays just jaw-dropping rudeness, selfishness, or malice? This can be a shock to the system, and it happens to us all. Even microagressions can pile up in the course of a day so that you go home feeling like you just hate people. I don't think any of us is proud of this, but it's a common enough experience that I suspect you recognize it! This week, I've been thinking about how important it is to actually work at acknowledging that the world we live in is like this, and letting go of the tendency to let our sense of outrage ratchet up and push against it all. Being in a state of outraged resistance is an exhausting distraction that will erode the ability to achieve your own goals.I'm not saying that it's easy to avoid, but you can learn ways to navigate the world that will minimize its negative impact on you.

This gets to the heart of a truth espoused by many ancient schools of thought that seems counterintuitive, which is that in order to be happy and at peace, we need to first accept what is. The very human response to this idea tends to be immediate rebellion, because we think that must mean we have to also accept that "what is" will never change, or we have to somehow approve of something that is downright wrong (or at least drastically not to our liking). Yet neither is true. All it means to accept the present conditions is to step aside from the cyclone of emotion and the physical, chemical responses that stem from falling down the rabbit hole of rage and resistance. The more you can avoid that slide, the more you can stay on solid ground, maintain your equilibrium, and keep access to your greatest skills at your fingertips. If you manage to do that, you can be a part of the solution you seek; if you don't, you miss opportunities left and right to live a life that really fulfills you.

For most of us, the right answer is to learn to acknowledge the chaos that is this planet, vent about it when absolutely needed, and then get back to focusing on what is uniquely ours to do. Now, there could be a few people out there who feel that their purpose is to educate others on how to move through the world with broader understanding and better manners—latent Mother Teresas of the chronically rude (and if you're one of them, that's fantastic. Please let me know and I'll help you get the word out!) But making change happen in this arena would, I fear, require a commitment at about her level of total dedication. Most of us have other purposes. Spending unnecessary time in outrage is draining and will distract us insidiously from projects in which our brilliance would be best harnessed for good.

As you deal with people you don't know, see if you can make it a game to acknowledge that many people WILL be annoying to you—and it's not the end of the world—while you keep ahold of your calm, and even cultivate a sense of amusement at the crazy. You still get to choose how to react, in other words, you get to choose who you will be in the world even in the face of annoyance. I'm sure there are some aspects of the incredible diversity that greets you every day that you appreciate. It makes sense that in order to enjoy that, you might have to put up with a bunch of things you'd rather not have as possibilities.  Endeavor to spend less time and energy worrying about the second group, and practice continually enjoying and refocusing on the first. If something feels like your mission to fix, then go for it, and try to enjoy the process. Do it because it's an expression of you and what you have to give, but not because you're desperately seeking perfection that will last for all time. Such a thing doesn't exist, and that's ok. Life is always change, whether we acknowledge that or not. Trying to create an unassailable legacy that will last through the ages is about fear of death and an out-of-control ego rather than joy and authentic purpose.

Being annoyed won't hurt you (though being chronically stressed out may, so learning to stay calm is a great investment in your health). Remind yourself that annoyance is part of life, and practice avoiding unnecessary, reactionary drama. This is one of those lessons we all have to keep learning, so just stick with it and do the best you can!