Remembering to Tap

“All the things that are worth doing take time. ”

— Mos Def

Do you “forget” to Tap? I have noticed that, even when someone has become aware of the usefulness of a tool such as Tapping, s/he is likely to remain resistant to using it consistently. While there may be many reasons for this (the pace of modern life, which makes it hard to find time for new endeavors; the fact that new habits take time to take hold; a societal notion that devoting time to self-care is profoundly selfish; etc.), I think one of the most limiting reasons is the human tendency to resist anything unpleasant—and emotions are often initially unpleasant. In fact, that’s part of their most basic value! They pack a punch! They have the power to get our attention, flagging us down when our own values are being violated to an unacceptable extent. We could be using them as an early warning signal that some action is appropriate, decide what needs to be done, and do it. It’s so simple, really. Instead, we’ve been miseducated to revile, deny and stuff down any hint of normal emotion until it builds up and explodes, or slowly, silently contributes to the development of long-term illness. Not exactly the stuff of genius.

It’s true that in order to work with your emotions, it’s necessary to become conscious of them. You don’t have to dive in and wallow, but you do need to allow awareness of your emotions to rise to the level of your conscious mind. In doing so, you will experience some discomfort. But you experience emotional discomfort anyway in the course of a normal day—you just don’t normally make room to address emotions when they arise within a constructive framework. When you intentionally open a path for your emotions to communicate with you, and then Tap through what shows up, you relieve any building pressure, free up previously trapped energy for more useful purposes, and gain clarity on what you want and how you might create it.

Back to the initial discomfort of actually allowing yourself to feel your emotions, then. When you start your Tapping process, you may need to just acknowledge that you’re not enjoying yourself. It’s ok to start with something like, “I hate this,” or “I feel selfish,” or “I feel ridiculous.” Once you get going, you should find that the emotions you’re working on reduce in intensity until it’s more of a relief to Tap on them. Instead of waiting until they’re debilitating, you’ll find yourself more drawn to early intervention. With practice, you’ll build confidence that when you take a little time for Tapping, the initial rush of emotion you uncover will soon become a source of helpful insights, and wane to more manageable levels.

When you know that you’re not powerless in the face of your more difficult emotions, working with them becomes, if not a pleasure, at least a far more fulfilling part of your life. Even if I know that I’m about to choose an experience in which I’m going to need to rant and rave, or cry, or realize my own misdeeds while I Tap, I would prefer to regularly do that than to bottle everything up to avoid these moments. I’ve learned to look forward to the catharsis and the calm I experience afterward, as well as the physical relaxation that replaces the stress and tension of avoidance. Not to mention my evolution toward a calmer, more resourceful resting state, which allows me to live my daily life without such wild swings of unnecessarily loud emotion.

If you’ve been reading for a while, and you still avoid Tapping, ask yourself why. Whatever your reason, I promise that it’s Tappable! Start with that, and when you’ve reduced it, pick something else that’s bothering you and Tap away. So much more calmness and peace await you!

Your "Get Up and Go"

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.”

— Don Marquis

We all have chores and tasks we avoid until they’re absolutely necessary.  These are usually either the ones we’re not good at, or the ones that for whatever reason are just the least fun to tackle.  It can be agonizing to try to scrape together the motivation to confront them head on, and I was staring down the barrel of one of these recently, so I thought I’d share a few ideas for handling such things.  Here are my suggestions:

·      Remind yourself of why you’re going to do this task.  How will you and others benefit from the results of it?

·      Remember where it fits into the big picture of your larger goals.  Will it make other tasks easier, or even make new things possible? 

·      Imagine having the results now.  How will that feel?  Will you be relieved?  Excited about what comes next?  Grateful to yourself for getting it done?   Proud of yourself for your achievement and contribution?  Euphoric that you don’t have to dread it anymore?

·      Here’s a little secret for you:  One of the most effective ways to motivate yourself is to learn to enjoy results before you’ve actually created them.  This may seem impractical, but it’s actually just the opposite; indulging in this creates happy, enthusiastic feelings that you can use to go about your daily tasks with a better attitude, more enjoyment, and less resistance.  It’s an invaluable skill that you will understand better the more you practice it

·      Take note of which result, of the ones you imagined, most motivates you.  Is it that your task will make things better for someone else?  Is it your own future relief that makes you feel the best?  Is it having others see and acknowledge your success that excites you?  Knowing what tends to motivate you most reliably is truly empowering, because once you know, you can automatically prime yourself for action by imagining how great it will be to have that result whenever it's time to take action

·      When you know you’ll be taking on something you resist, promise yourself a reward of some sort, if that helps you.  It can be something as simple as allowing yourself some guilt-free time to enjoy what might normally be a guilty pleasure, like an embarrassingly terrible T.V. show.   How about a nice long catch-up with a friend who you haven’t found time for lately?  Whatever you can look forward to so that you keep your task moving ahead will fit the bill

Re-engaging your sense of purpose regarding your task is a powerful beginning.  You deserve to have those happy results, so take a few minutes to connect with what’s important about getting this done.  It’s so much more helpful to motivate yourself through anticipation than through attempting to guilt or bully yourself into action.  Give it a try and see how it goes.  You may have to repeat this a few times in order to really get yourself on board for something really difficult, but making this a daily habit is a good thing.  I think you’ll find that the minutes you spend here will buoy your willingness to take on those more dreaded tasks in surprising and enjoyable ways.