Graceful as a Feline

“Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not.”

— Henri-Frederic Amiel

What does it take to move through life gracefully? And is that something that's even worth putting time and energy into? Ready examples of people who can both be productive and handle life's ups and downs with serenity seem to be in short supply.  Many of us were taught by our relatives and others that life is hard, we have to work hard and never let up, and getting anything done means pushing and shoving all obstacles out of the way with brute force. The concept of grace exists in a whole other realm than this kind of thinking. Isn't it selfish, or frivolous, or self-indulgent, or even downright stupid to want something else when this is just how life is? 

I submit that it is not any of those things to want to experience more ease and less drag in the course of your daily activities. The masculine-energy-dominant paradigm of the last couple thousand years has glorified battle and conflict as fighting the good fight, in other words, the best and most glorious way to get things done and to live. But taken to an extreme, this thinking causes us to want to fight everything that moves. It keeps our stress hormone levels high, reinforces the self-sabotaging idea that everything worth doing must nearly kill us, and blinds us to solutions that could be implemented calmly, cooperatively, and expediently so that we can move on to other exploits with a minimum of unnecessary drama and injury.

Note that I'm not saying that feminine energy encourages no extremes! If feminine energy and thinking dominated planet Earth for millennia and dismissed the wisdom inherent in masculine energy, we'd just be likely to have a whole host of different problems. But that is not the scenario we've been exploring. In order to concoct a better balance between masculine and feminine, one that acknowledges all the wisdom we have access to, regardless of our gender, it helps to make a habit of focusing on where bringing in qualities associated with the feminine can smooth out our experience.

The truth is that it is possible to accomplish many of our daily tasks with less tension than we're probably used to holding. It is possible to be more focused in the current moment, and to worry less about the future. We can, in fact, give up animating the voices of our detractors in our own minds and choose to celebrate our goodness and our accomplishments while avoiding arrogance and continuing to learn and grow. In making these choices, we open the way to greater expression of what we truly have to offer. 

• Someone who is graceful exhibits fluid movement that can also be precise; grace implies a high degree of awareness and conscious intent.  How can you bring more focused awareness to your activities?
• Grace requires control that is based on practice, but not over-muscled inflexibility.  How can you let go of tension even as you continue to accomplish your tasks?
• Its maintenance requires the ability to adjust while in motion.  How can you become more comfortable with shifting course based on feedback you receive from all of your senses?
• There are internal qualities without which these abilities are not enabled.  How can you build these within yourself?
  • enough coping ability to register emotions without being immediately disabled by them;
  • enough optimism (and determination) to remain open to creative solutions before they are visible;
  • the willingness to keep flowing in some direction even when the way forward is blocked.

Before swinging into action, try taking a moment to ask yourself:

• How can I complete this task without struggle? Maybe this could be easier if I allowed it to be
• Is now the best time for it, or have I decided to try to put my head down and try to ram it because I've let stress and habit cloud my vision? Is there anything I could take care of right now that would allow me to return to this with greater enthusiasm and a grounded sense of readiness?
• Could it be done more cooperatively, more calmly, more enjoyably somehow?

If you want insight, you have to make space by allowing a few moments to elapse in which ideas might emerge from your own wisdom. If you want help from anyone, including yourself, you usually need to ask. Cultivating the ability to hold still and wait for a better idea will serve you over time in ways that might surprise you.  A meditation practice of some kind will help support your ability to do this as well.

The more you focus on adding grace to your movements on all levels, the more you will learn about how to surf through your days with less wear and tear and more grateful satisfaction.  There will always be surprises and challenges, but this makes everything in life feel easier and more fun.  You can learn from others, but only by trying things out for yourself will you find the methods that are most supportive to you.  Maybe this is worth the time and effort after all!

Red-Letter Days

“The way to stay inspired and motivated is by doing what you like, doing what you love.”

— Raphael Saadiq

Sometimes, you just have a naturally amazing day.  You wake up feeling rested and enthusiastic, the skies are sunny and blue, you make all the green lights without driving like a maniac, people return your smiles, and you have time to get everything done.  Everything seems to hum along easily.  It’s so lovely when this happens.  But for all the days when it doesn’t, how to stay sane?  In a crowded world, we cross paths with so many others, all on their own private missions, all the time.  Sometimes there are crashes, whether physical or philosophical.  We have to deal with numerous institutions, from governments to schools to businesses, that bring order to our world, but which we didn’t create and may not agree with.  There are important people whose happiness we’re trying to contribute to every day.  And there are just so many distractions competing for our attention!

I’ve come to think of the happy phenomenon described above as the result of the alignment of numerous factors, some of which are hard or impossible to predict.  While you can’t force this experience of ease into being, there are certainly things you can do to make this experience more common.  If you’re serious about creating more instances of it, here are some areas to check in on:

·      With what foods and liquids are you fueling your body?  If your nutrition is not good, and if you’re not properly hydrated, you will start to crumble, both physically and mentally.  You can’t be productive if you’re crashing throughout the day because your body is missing essential elements that it needs to function.  You need high-quality protein, healthy fats, and lots of fruits and vegetables.  You also need more water than you think you do.

·      How much sleep are you getting, and is it deep and restful?  So many important things are meant to happen when you sleep.  If you’re consistently getting less than seven hours per night of high-quality sleep, you’re running on empty.  You will have a much harder time with mental focus, and you’re far more likely to be emotionally volatile; your body will feel less coordinated and heavier.  Some people need more than seven hours, so if you feel the need to sleep late on days off, try bumping up your sleep time routinely and see how many hours it takes per night before you stop needing that “catch up” time.  In addition to sleep, we also need some rest time when we’re not running, doing, or worrying.  Hobbies and creative pursuits, reading, time with friends, and other fun, relaxing activities can fall into this category.  If you don’t allow yourself any of this kind of time, you’ll have a hard time enjoying your life at all.

·      How much exercise are you getting?  Moving your physical body both strengthens your fitness and creates happiness chemicals known as endorphins (which can enhance mood for many people just as well as the most powerful pharmaceuticals tailored for this purpose).  Exercise has so many benefits for your body and your outlook that it must be considered an essential element in your daily routine.  Be smart and check with your medical professional before you make any substantial changes in your health regimen, but do find an activity you can do and work it into your life.  Not immediately, but with continued application, you will create more energy than you use this way.

·      What gives your life meaning and purpose?  Are there things that get you out of bed in the morning because you genuinely want to do them on a deep level?  These can be anything really as long as you feel like you’ve chosen to give them an important place in your life and they’re important to you—learning to play an instrument whose sound you’ve always loved, caring for an aging relative, writing a book, climbing a mountain, solving a problem in your community—just something that fires you up when you think about it or makes you feel satisfied when you do it.  If you don’t have anything like this drawing you forward, you’re leaving a major source of energy and joy on the table.

·      What really inspires you?  A particular style of music or a particular composer or recording artist?  Movies with heroic themes, well-written novels, beautifully performed theatre, Olympic or other professional sports, the beauty of the natural world, your pet, etc.?  When you figure out answers to this, do your best to bring these things into your experience on a regular basis.  These things will also create more energy and enthusiasm for you.

·      What just annoys the heck out of you?  And how can you minimize the impact of these things on your life?  Maybe you need to be careful not to spend too much time around the more negative people you know.  Maybe you need to wear earplugs when you have to be somewhere really loud.  Maybe you can brainstorm about how to spend less time commuting.  You get my drift.  Sometimes small adjustments can yield a lot of relief.

·      What are you doing as a calming daily practice for your mind, emotions and spirit?  If you want to have more days when you sail through life with joy and ease, you can’t skip this one, even though it can be hard to carve out the time for it.  Find one thing or several things that can occupy this function for you, and prioritize doing one of them every day.  Write in a journal, meditate, pray, use EFT/Tapping, spend a few minutes every day thinking about what you’re grateful for, walk mindfully, breathe deeply, or do something else that is calming, relaxing, and that helps you to feel centered and reassured.  When you’re attending to your own needs, it’s far easier to be generous and understanding with others.

If some of these suggestions seem annoyingly familiar, as though they’ve come directly from the desk of Captain Obvious, that is most likely because these are some of the most important things we can do as humans to increase the likelihood that we will function well and happily as we go about the business of being alive, and they don’t change over time.  When you’re handling these basics, you’re helping yourself to have a far better daily experience, and you’re also far more able to contribute positively to the world around you.  It’s a life’s work to become a pro at balancing all this, but you’re probably already good at some of them.  Pick one where you know you could do better and start trying new things, and then rinse and repeat!