So Much Happier Blog
Ever a New Summit
“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.”
Another among the esteem needs that Maslowe wrote about is a sense of achievement. This is an important factor in our conviction of self-worth, both because human beings are built with a natural drive toward creativity they long to satisfy, and because most cultures revere those who have achieved unique and groundbreaking results. It’s worth periodically looking at how you’re feeling about what you’ve achieved in the course of your life so that you can address your innate desire for a sense of achievement; doing this helps to show the way toward keeping your self-esteem at healthy levels.
So what is achievement? Dictionary.com defines it as, “Something accomplished, especially by superior ability, special effort, great courage, etc.; a great or heroic deed.” So this is no walk in the park—it needs to be an accomplishment that required unusual innate qualities, or strife, or both. And who decides what it should be and when the criteria for accomplishment have been met? In the context of a discussion about self-esteem, only you decide what an achievement is and when you’ve attained it. Others will have opinions about what you’ve done, and that will most likely impact your self-assessment to some degree, which we’ll discuss in later blogs in this category. But no one can ultimately decide for you when to be satisfied with your own performance. That is your responsibility, and the process of deciding shapes both your life and your opinion of yourself. This is where clearly defined goals can be useful. If you have taken some time to think through what you want to the best of your current abilities, it’s far easier to direct yourself along the path to the finish, and to be certain about when you’ve arrived. If you haven’t clarified your goals, you are far more likely to encounter confusion about where to go, what to do, and when you’ve accomplished something about which you can feel satisfied.
Here are a few other factors that will impact how you feel about your accomplishments:
· Was the goal something you really wanted to pursue?
Most likely you’ve had the experience of having put considerable time and effort behind something that didn’t bring you the satisfaction you originally expected when you finally achieved it. This can happen for numerous reasons, such as:
o It was never really expressive of you. Someone else wanted this for you, and you went along, either to make them happy, or because you thought it was a good idea, but you never noticed that your own passion was never truly engaged.
o Somewhere along the way it would have been appropriate to adjust the goal, but you refused to do so for whatever reason. People do and must grow and change. It’s normal to realize once you’re in the middle of an effort that your expectations or process need to adjust in order to keep pace with what’s true for you. A goal is meant to draw you forward, not lock you rigidly in place.
o Your goal was not worthy of all the time and effort you poured into it. If you spent years on a complicated revenge scheme, you might eventually achieve it. However, if you felt satisfaction at the result, there would also be shame mixed in; you would know that your achievement spoke of your own unresolved pain and pettiness. If you had, instead, taken steps to express your pain, forgive over time, and protect others from injustice, you would likely have felt satisfaction that was clean and clear of internal conflict.
· Was the process enjoyable?
o If the process of getting to your goal was not enjoyable, you may have forgotten to build fun into your process. Sometimes we think that only through suffering can we create results that are glorious. While it’s true that the application of discipline required to achieve things that fit the dictionary definition of achievement will probably result in some discomfort, it’s also important to be able to enjoy your life during the times that you’re waiting for the gratification at the end of your road. All of it is your life, not just the occasional end point of an extended effort.
o If you hated every minute of working toward the goal, once you achieve it you are most likely exhausted, depleted, and in the habit of being in a bad mood. You may also have convinced yourself that this is the only way anyone gets anything done, and that life is grim and difficult (if you didn’t already believe these things before).
o Was someone else trying to control you throughout the process? If so, you’ll end up with a strong flavor of resentment about the whole experience, even if you like the end result.
· Does your goal result in a satisfactory change in your life?
o If you thought that your achievement would result in a harvest that didn’t appear, you’re likely to feel frustrated even if you feel great about what you did. Sometimes we follow in others’ footsteps and expect to have the same experiences, which doesn’t always happen. Sometimes we pin our fantasies to our goals, such as fame and unreasonable fortune, and are surprised when the fantasy elements aren’t a part of the achievement.
o If your goal did result in the expected harvest, it’s still possible that you didn’t end up feeling the way you thought you would about it. We have a tendency to expect external achievements alone to change how we feel about life and about ourselves, but this discounts the inner game that we must also play in order to feel good about life. As the saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” You can’t outrun your own negative emotional and thought patterns. No achievement will absolve you of the need to do the inner work that is uniquely yours.
No matter how satisfied you are with an achievement, you will find that, as soon as it’s yours, you want something else! This is a normal part of life as a human being. We are creative, evolution-oriented beings who crave experience. This is why it’s best to avoid seeing any goal as the solution to all things in your life and focus on more on a sense of enjoyment of the process—otherwise you’re missing out on the vast collection of moments that make up the majority of your existence. People who look back at their lives in old age often regret that they were not more engaged in all the small and less significant moments of life, and that they did not take every opportunity to be present to the love and enjoyment that was available in every one of them. It’s all important. But if you feel unhappy about what you’ve achieved in life when you take all of it into consideration, I hope you’ll take the time to consider deeply what it is that you most want, and begin to chart a course toward it. Working toward goals that feel great and significant is a basic human desire; if you want to live a life that feels whole, you must not neglect this. And try to do it with zest for maximum enjoyment!