So Much Happier Blog
Communication Tips for Introverts
“Often confused with shyness, introversion does not imply social reticence or discomfort. Rather than being averse to social engagement, introverts become overwhelmed by too much of it, which explains why the introvert is ready to leave a party after an hour and the extravert gains steam as the night goes on.”
After last week's blog about communication skills, one reader asked about tips for introverts, so here are some ideas for those of you who find it somewhat draining to interact with others. The skill sets required for effective communication still apply to you, and you may be excellent at them. You just might need to do some additional thinking about modifications that will take your particular style and needs into account.
Because introverts need more time alone or with only those they feel closest to in order to recharge, they have a tendency to avoid in-person communication more than extroverts. As a result, over time, they may gain less practice in using important communication skills than others, and end up less confident in this area, because there is no substitute for experience. With some concentrated effort, it is possible to bump up your skills by challenging yourself to add interactions here and there, but without overwhelming yourself.
One of an introvert's strengths is that time alone allows an opportunity for learning new information and thinking deeply about it. Introverts may have more patience for inquiry than others, and this can help you to be better prepared for interactions when they do occur. My first suggestion is to embrace this power and do your homework! A great deal can be learned from books, audios and videos about the skills you need to successfully navigate communications with others. One can never predict how someone else will choose to communicate in return once you're in an interaction, but you can plan out what you have to say, and even rehearse how you can best react to a number of different responses. That doesn't mean that your in-person attempts will be without surprises—that will never be the case, even if you're highly intuitive—but putting time and effort into preparation really will help you to feel more confident about using your skills both in specific situations and in general, as in whenever they're called upon unexpectedly. It will also help to make your interactions a bit less stressful, and therefore, less draining.
The next suggestion I have for introverts is that you work on owning, loving, and being willing to explain your introverted characteristics to extroverts. Many introverts feel that the world favors extroverts in that it's set up for people with spontaneous, in-person people skills, and stamina forlonger social interactions, to win. Introverts may have heard many times that they are anti-social, selfish because they don't want to join in, or weak because they are sensitive in ways that others aren't. None of these assessments is fair; introverted people just naturally have a different makeup than extroverted people. Neither is better or worse, but each culture will have opinions about these basic characteristics. Depending on where you were born and what your family was like, you may have had vastly different experiences than someone else with the same characteristics. No matter what you were told, you can learn to celebrate who you are.
At first, it might seem odd to be completely forthright about yourself, but once you start to see that it helps, it will probably become easier. You might begin a conversation with something like, "Because I'm naturally introverted, talking with other people tends to wear me out, and I sometimes prefer extra time to think things through. I want to have this conversation with you, but it might be most productive if we could have it over time. I also like e-mail, so we could do some of it that way. Would that work for you?" Being open will keep others from guessing incorrectly about what's best for you. It helps them to help you, which people will often be willing to do if you give them a chance. Your willingness to explain what you have to offer that is positive because of your introverted nature will also help others who are wired differently to stop and take note of your value. If you're not sure how you would represent this, spend some time thinking about it, and do some research on the topic. Every characteristic brings gifts if you learn to understand and leverage its positive side. You will feel more confident in interactions if you don't feel the need to apologize for who you are.
If you find yourself struggling in the midst of a conversation, for instance when someone misunderstands what you're saying and you don't know what to do, stay calm, breathe, and try again. I promise you that building communication skills through practice with other humans is challenging, frustrating, and tries the patience, at times, of all who attempt it. It's not just you! This is a human thing. But the effort is worth it. This is a skill set you will use on almost every day of your life. The better you are at wielding it, the easier and less stressful so many areas of your life become.
While you will always need plenty of time to yourself, your interactions with other people can become a much greater source of satisfaction as you represent yourself and your needs more clearly. When you can represent your needs and your value calmly but firmly in your communications, you make it much more likely that you will achieve a result that works well for you; you can also help to focus others in on the brilliance they may otherwise have missed, in you and in others they know. And that's a win for everyone!