So Much Happier Blog
How 'Bout Now?
“Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.”
Those seeking to gain every possible advantage in maintaining the greatest possible levels of health and happiness may know that meditation (for instance) has been shown to improve quality of life in numerous ways, and understand that having a regular meditation practice is a great idea. Yet, as with other obvious areas in which change is far easier said than done (like diet and exercise), actually getting there can seem like a Herculean effort. Overall, solidifying new habits requires preparation, practice, and daily management of distractions and the thoughts and emotions that arise throughout the process of change. So many things can make the consistency required hard to achieve. Sometimes people decide that the whole thing is just too hard, and not worth it.
Now, there are times in everyone’s life when it really doesn’t make sense to tackle the creation of new habits, as in when you’re already dealing with a major life change, like the birth of a child. When you’re overwhelmed by high demands, the chances of succeeding with a new habit that’s also demanding are lower. Often we only contemplate taking one on in these situations in order to give ourselves the illusion of control, when the most loving thing would actually be to embrace the mess for a time, and refuse to push ourselves to beyond exhaustion until the critical need passes. Trying to do it all when we don’t have the capacity can end up just piling onto our feelings of incompetence and disappointment, which isn’t helpful in the long term.
On the other hand, obviously, claiming we’re too busy can also be a defense mechanism against making necessary changes. We’re all busy, and there’s never a perfect time to do the thing you’re resisting because you know it will be difficult. At some point, you’ll need to accept the discomfort and choose to start taking action anyway. We all have the ability to rise to a challenge when it’s important.
So, if you want to start up a helpful new habit, unless you’re maxed out by unusual circumstances, there’s no better time than now. You don’t need to choose goals and measures that are inhuman. The best way to get rolling is often with micro-steps toward your overall destination. If you want to get more exercise, for instance, you might choose to climb one more flight of stairs per day than you normally would, or park a little farther away from your errand than you could to get in some extra walking, and only build up to more activity in small increments. If it’s diet, go hunting for new recipes and just cook one new one per week. You get the picture.
If meditation is where you want to grow, here are a few ideas that don’t take much time at all, and aren’t as scary to try as some people fear:
Take a short walk somewhere pleasant and practice noticing how your feet feel on the ground, and all the data you’re taking in through your senses—temperature, breeze, scenery, scents, sounds, quality of the light, etc. When you notice your mind wandering, bring your awareness back to the here and now. This is a simple moving meditation that can help you get a break from the daily jumble of your thoughts and emotional reactions
In odd moments, imagine that every cell in your body is smiling. (This was recommended by a teacher Elizabeth Gilbert writes about working with in Eat, Pray, Love.) Even just a few moments of this feels pretty good!
Whether you’re walking or sitting, try repeating a word or phrase, commonly referred to as a mantra, over and over again. This keeps the mind occupied. It could be a single word like Love or Release, or a phrase like “I am blessed.” This keeps the mind occupied with something benign
Imagine that you’re in a beam of pure white light, and that it’s shining through every cell in your body. This one may seem less intuitive, but it can be powerful
Tap! Just sayin’. Also qualifies as moving meditation. It tunes you in to your body, mind, emotions and spirit, and helps you clear out old stuff and feel better.
People often think that meditation means only sitting quietly and clearing the mind of all thought. This may seem very difficult, since most of us have pretty busy minds, and the thought of sitting there trying to fight this fight may sound hellish. This type of meditation is quite difficult to master, but the point is not to be perfect. The point is to practice and get better at it over time. It may never be easy! However, it’s not the only option. There are other kinds of meditation practice that may be easier to start with, and still offer great benefits. It’s worth finding out what’s out there if the idea of building focus, calm, and better brain function appeals to you.
Starting small with changes you want to make can ease your transition into better habits, and help you build momentum toward, and consistent focus on, your goals so that working toward them becomes a normal part of your day. If grand gestures inspire you, by all means go for it, but if they overwhelm you, there’s no reason you can’t get moving anyway in smaller increments.
Painting with All Colors
“Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity.”
Creativity is one of the most powerful qualities one can foster in the effort to build the life of one’s dreams. You’ve probably heard the sentiment that nothing in life ever goes according to plan, and I find that to be true the vast majority of the time. It makes sense that it would be when you think of the sheer variety of experiences that are possible on Earth, and the constant interplay of billions of individuals with a wide variety of backgounds and values. The ability to communicate in real time with nearly every corner of the globe has only sped up the pace of our lives and broadened the complexity of our interactions, concerns, and possibilities. Yet without the creativity to see opportunities in the new and surprising, it’s easy to become quickly overwhelmed. So how do we nurture healthy, resilient creativity that can keep us moving forward toward our goals?
This is a slippery subject, one on which many books have been written, because the answer will need to be highly personal to you. But just for fun, this week I will rashly sally forth and attempt to write some basic guidelines on how to make space for and encourage your creativity. Do keep in mind that, if you want to turn your creativity into the superpower that it can be, you will likely need to try various approaches over time to find what really works for you, refining and updating them to suit what you need at any given moment in your life. Ok, here goes!
· Cultivate a calm, open, curious, and playful state of mind. This is probably the biggest hurdle to opening up your creativity (and it can be quite a tall order if you’ve never exerted yourself in this way). Doing so requires that you gain the ability to calm your thoughts so that there’s room in your headspace for new ideas to arise. You’re probably familiar with the phenomenon of a useful idea popping into your mind while you’re in the shower or doing dishes or yard work; this can happen because you’re somewhat occupied, but have mental space for your mind to roam, and you’re not trying to make anything happen. Practicing a similar state so that you can bring it forward at will gives you far more opportunity for putting your creative talents to use. Meditation is excellent for helping you to practice slowing down your busy mind, and some kind of meditative practice can help you learn to stay out of the way of your creativity. You may need to look into and experiment with several styles until you find one you like, but doing so is incredibly worthwhile for all of the many benefits meditation confers.
· If you want your creativity to come out and play, you’ll need to make time for this to happen in which you don’t feel pressured. You might want to listen to music, or draw, go to a museum, or dance around the living room in order to prime the pump and mark the occasion with your intent. Some people like darkness and silence for thinking creatively. Some like to brainstorm or share a space with others who are also working on creative pursuits. If there’s something specific you’d like to produce, decide what that is and then set aside time to try different approaches and see what inspires and supports your purpose. It may help to think about things you enjoyed doing when you were a child. Even if nothing seems to be working at first, keep setting aside the time and putting yourself in enjoyable, relaxed situations, and eventually you are very likely to get somewhere. Everyone is creative. If you are awake and alive, your creativity is in there, so don’t give up on it.
· In a world in which the ideal is generally for everyone to be driven and achievement minded, it can take courage to insist on making space for creativity, and valuing this process appropriately. If you’re an artist who is driven to create, this may be easier, but if you don’t identify that way, remember that creativity is not just about painting a beautiful work of art, for example. It’s also about flexing the “muscles” necessary to live life artfully in each moment, building skills around coming up with useful solutions to everyday challenges with grace and enjoyment. Knowing that your creativity is going to be responsive when you need it helps to build your confidence, which then makes you more willing to try new things—and we all need to keep doing that in order to avoid becoming stale and old at any age.
· Choose to think of yourself as a creative person. If you have decided that you aren’t for any reason, your mind and experience will tend to uphold your belief. Decide that, even if you haven’t yet exhibited any remarkable creative talent, you still can. Just as you wouldn’t tell a child who has just used a crayon for the first time that they are clearly talent free and should never attempt to draw again, you should give yourself the benefit of the doubt and allow your talents to emerge over time. Just as with brainstorming, practice being non-judgmental about your attempts. Your creativity will emerge when you make it safe to do so. If you’re constantly criticizing yourself, it may stubbornly hide.
· Creativity proceeds from enjoyment. Look for beauty in the world and the people around you. Enjoy the fruits of others’ creative labors, as well as sound, light, color, flavors, and fragrances that surprise and delight you. There is so much wondrous art and natural gorgeousness out there for you to explore. Do you know anyone who hates pretty much everything about life who has created a glorious masterpiece of any sort? I sincerely doubt it. Be on the lookout for beautiful experiences, and you’ll find more to inspire, which will give you more to work with.
· If you have personal issues that get in the way of any of this, ask for help. There are many ways to deal with trauma and fears that might prevent you from allowing your creativity to blossom. The part of you where your creativity resides is a tender, childlike part that needs and deserves to feel safe and valued in order for it to function well. Doing what you need to do to support it can make everything in your life work better.
Time spent on creativity is sometimes seen as an impractical luxury, but I find that expanding access to one’s creativity leads to more opportunities in all areas of life. Even if you take small steps toward opening yours up, I think you’ll find that you enjoy life more and come up with better solutions to anything life throws at you. Even if you have no idea what you might like to produce, adding in even the exploration of good books, movies, visual art, music, or cuisine can enrich your experience of daily life and help energize the creative part of yourself, with excellent long-term effects.
Silence Is Golden
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
Even if you’ve never meditated, you’ve probably heard that one of the benefits of many kinds of meditation practice is supposed to be a quieter mind. Since most cultures today place great value on the use of the mind, the benefits of a quiet mind can seem mysterious. Use it or lose it, right? Aren’t we supposed to be exercising our minds in order to stretch their capacities and keep them nimble? Well, just as our bodies need both weight-bearing exercise, cardio, stretching, AND rest in order to function at peak capacity, our minds need various kinds of use and rest in order to provide us with the capacities we want from them.
Modern life is so hectic, demanding, and distracting that we don’t generally get much time for silence and reflection. This leaves is with a mind that is mostly running at high speed all the time. With a mind so busily engaged, it’s harder to notice the patterns that are running on autopilot, keeping us stuck in ruts that we never seem to be able to break out of for reasons that elude us. When we put ourselves into a situation where nothing is required of us, and practice meditation with the aim of quieting the mind, we allow the mind to rest a bit; by the way, this in turn allows the body’s stress response to calm down, which is great for physical health—a bonus side effect! While it definitely takes practice to make progress in disengaging from normal patterns of thought, so that benefits may not be immediately felt, over time, it’s possible to build familiarity with new mind states. This familiarity makes it easier to take them with you, or recreate them when you’re experiencing something difficult, so that you can function more smoothly throughout your life. A hyper mind isn’t necessarily a resourceful mind, just as a chronically tense muscle isn’t always useful—it needs to be able to relax and stretch in order to do everything it’s meant to do.
When you’re meditating for the ability to quiet the mind, there are numerous benefits that I know I immediately experience, and you may as well, such as:
· As I head toward greater quiet, my mind will usually chime in a few times to reveal things I need to do or remember, which is legitimately helpful. I can make note of these and continue the process. Without giving myself a few minutes of quiet, I would not have remembered these, and opportunities would have been lost.
· As my mind slows down, I become more aware of my body, and anything about it that I need to address.
· I start to notice more about what is really going on with me, how I really feel about things that have been going on recently in my life. I begin to feel more like myself and less like someone just running around at the behest of every distracting thing I encounter every day.
· I begin to feel that there’s more time available to me than I would otherwise.
· I begin to feel calmer, more at peace, and more powerfully able to define what’s important and where I will choose to put my energy and focus.
· I feel more in touch with my intuition.
· My body feels more pleasantly calm and peaceful.
· I feel like my to do list falls away and I’m able to recognize the goodness of just being alive, which at this point is much more a feeling than a thought.
Once you’ve practiced an expanded state of mental quiet, there are many other meditation techniques to pursue depending on what you want, but being able to create that quiet space is a foundational skill without which only certain kinds of progress can be made. This state also becomes something you can remind yourself to revert to when you find yourself getting hyper for any reason. It can immediately help you to regain helpful perspective on the ways in which you may have been contributing to your own stress. Bringing a greater sense of calm to challenge allows you to stay more creative, less reactive, and more reasonable. You’re then more likely to be able to solve problems and work well with others, which makes you less likely to spend your time feeling stuck and confused.
In a seemingly unlikely way, spending time creating mental quiet leads to greater focus and energy, which can make it seem like you have more time rather than having lost it in the pursuit. Even if you don’t think you can spend more than a few minutes practicing, you can still benefit from the attempt to create a few minutes of internal quiet throughout your day here and there. I highly recommend making this a little game that you play with yourself. You may have other mental games you already play, like doing crossword puzzles. This is just another category of game that builds capacity your brain needs to function with excellence.