So Much Happier Blog
Ready, Set, Tap!
“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.”
Clients often ask me how long is the right amount of time to Tap when they’re on their own, and how they should approach it when they’re just getting started. As for the amount of time, I usually say, “However much time you have!” There’s really no wrong amount of time, unless your intent is to work on something with a big emotional charge—in that case, it’s best to give yourself plenty of time so you don’t feel rushed (and you may even want to get help with the process). But if you’re just looking to get some daily stress relief and manage emotions that come up over the course of your daily routine, then even a few minutes of Tapping can help you calm your body and your emotional state noticeably, so it never hurts to just do a round or two in the time you have.
One of the easiest techniques to use when you’re getting started with Tapping is the “Tap and rant” approach, in which there are really no rules, so you can just have fun with it. It works like this: You Tap your way around the points and vent everything that’s bothering you in no particular order. It really is that simple! I recommend that you pretend you’re talking to a sympathetic best friend who will relate to and be supportive of how you feel, and even enjoy the humor in any situation you’re describing. Initially what comes out of your mouth might sound very negative, with you complaining up, down, and sideways about any number of things, people, situations, etc. Usually we hold all of this in, and Tapping is a safe way to let it out without reinforcing the negativity; it’s designed to help you get those stuck feelings up and out so you can allow their intensity to dissipate. Note that this happens organically, and it cannot be forced, so it’s super important that as we Tap, we only say what really feels true. If we stick with it for a little while, generally the intensity just begins to subside on its own and our perspectives shift so that we can see things in a new light. Even if we only get a small amount of relief, it’s still a helpful way to spend a few minutes. Often when we have time to think about what’s bothering us, we tend to get upset about it all over again. With Tapping, we’re at least inching in the other direction!
As with all Tapping, it’s good to ask yourself before you start how intense what you’re about to work on feels. If it’s a general sense of stress and overwhelm, for instance, that’s fine. Give it a subjective number on a scale of zero to ten, where zero is no intensity and ten is the worst you could possibly imagine feeling. This way, after each round, you can take a deep breath, let it out, and ask yourself if the number has changed. When it does, you’ll get to feel how you made progress, and your confidence around Tapping will build. Sometimes, starting with a rant helps you to walk the perimeter of everything that’s on your mind, and map out what specific thing you might want to work on when you have more time. The best results through EFT generally happen when we’re getting specific and working patiently on that one specific thing until the intensity comes way down. However, in today’s busy world in this Information Age, many of us need a way to calm the too many thoughts that are rattling around in our heads all the livelong day before we can even focus enough to get specific about anything. That’s where a good rant comes in as a perfect place to start.
For many people, ranting and Tapping feels great once you’ve given yourself permission to actually voice the negative feelings you’ve been holding in. This becomes a whole lot of fun, and a huge relief. But every once in a while, I run across someone who finds it depressing rather than freeing to focus on the negative for too long. Remember how we don’t want to say anything that doesn’t feel true while Tapping? If this is you, you don’t have to dwell on the negative to the point where you don’t enjoy it; go ahead and acknowledge the negative, and then move to statements about how you’d like to feel differently. Even if you don’t know how or it doesn’t seem possible, just express willingness for these feelings to subside and Tap. That willingness puts you in a more receptive state, which helps the Tapping to work all the better.
There are lots of other more specific techniques under the umbrella of EFT, but for just a quick few rounds of Tapping, the rant can be a simple, easy way to go, especially when you’re first starting out and getting used to the whole idea of Tapping. Next time you have a few minutes where you won’t be overheard, and would like to bring a little more calm and sanity to your day, give it a try and see how it goes! Don’t be afraid to use colorful language and enjoy the process. You just might find that it becomes one of your favorite parts of your day!
The Constructive Rant
“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive - the risk to be alive and express what we really are.”
Since last week I mentioned the usefulness of EFT/Tapping in maintaining positive momentum, this week I wanted to share a tip from my own experience about getting started with it. While working on something specific is where all the long-term benefits are really at, in the beginning, for me personally, the best thing ever was the "tap and rant" approach. To do this, all you need is the points for EFT's Basic Recipe, the Shortcut version. Your setup statement can be something simple, like "Even though I'm stressed out, I deeply and completely accept myself." As you move around the points, you just talk about everything that's bothering you in no particular order. I recommend really enjoying the drama of it all, as you would with a sympathetic best friend; also, I find that it's best to actually speak out loud, even if you're not in the habit of talking to yourself! It's easier to stay focused on how you feel when you do that, and being in touch with your emotions while you tap, rather than off in your head, will tend to give you the best results. It's best to do this alone where you will not be heard, because then you'll be free to admit exactly how you feel without worrying that anyone else will take what you say personally. This is not about being reasonable or logical. It's about not sweeping your thoughts, opinions, and emotions under the rug as you've probably been taught to do when they're not so cute, and instead getting them off your chest in a timely manner.
While it's often helpful to express yourself in words either in writing or verbally to another person, this is not only about that. Studies have shown that using EFT significantly reduces cortisol, a stress hormone, and generally de-escalates the body's fight-flight-freeze response. In practical terms, that means that when you use it as you express what's weighing you down, you may soon find yourself much more relaxed physically, and able to regain helpful perspective. This often translates into better sleep, the ability to stay more calm and productive over time, and an increased ability to be restored by rest and recreation.
Allowing yourself the time to do this has the added benefit of helping you to get better at identifying how you feel and why. When your emotions are experienced only as a background haze and a confused jumble, bailing out your moods seems like a lost cause, effective methods for doing so an unsolvable mystery. When you start to gain clarity about what's going on in there, only then can you address issues in ways that actually solve problems. When you can access clarity quickly and easily, which is a skill you gain over time with Tapping, you waste a lot less time. You can make better decisions and take appropriate action without delay. Everything in your life becomes more efficient. You start to feel more empowered to change your life for the better, whether anyone else changes around you or not. What may once have seemed a somewhat self-indulgent leap of faith proves itself to be a powerful tool for supporting happiness and productivity.
After getting relief through the Tap-and-rant process, eventually the specific things that are bothering you will tend to stand out more starkly. That's when working on each one in turn will tend to produce better progress for you. A wider range of techniques may be required if you really want to make lasting change in specific areas. You can learn these online or in books, or you may prefer to take classes or work with a practitioner who can guide you. This can be a very comforting option, and is also a more appropriate option when what you want to change seems too big, too confusing, or too scary to confront on your own.
However you choose to do it, I hope you'll get started with Tapping and start to leverage its many benefits for yourself. If you're someone who is already perfectly happy with your life as it is, well, good for you! If not, Tapping is a simple, free way to start improving it. As with meditation, you can get noticeable benefits from spending just minutes per day on it; unlike with most meditation, though, you're doing something active rather than struggling to quiet your mind in stillness, so it's easier for many stressed-out modern people to begin. Plus, the benefits are often easy to notice immediately, which helps you want to keep it up. Once you understand what it can do, you'll probably only wish you'd had access to it sooner!