Cultivating Your Vision

“Dream and you shall become.”

— Wayne Dyer

Assuming that you’ve been following along, last week you thought about what you would categorize as this year’s successes and failures, and what you’ve learned from it all. So now what, you ask? Excellent question! Doing this exercise can leave you with a jumble of thoughts, emotions, and impressions from the past year that can be unsettling and confusing, but that’s obviously not the goal! When you’ve spent the time to reflect on your year, the next step is still not action. Instead, it’s more reflection—this time on what you’d like to be able to experience in the new year.

Following nature’s rhythms, it’s a time of year for harvest (enjoyment and celebration of what you’ve produced this year) and envisioning, at this darkest time of the year, what you will begin to set in motion when the light begins its return on the winter solstice.

• What positive capacities would you like to continue to strengthen in this coming year?

• What do you need to rethink and attempt again in new ways? What will you do before that—research, education, seeking advice and new ideas?

• What might you decide to stop doing? (The answer to this has the potential to move you forward in surprisingly powerful ways!)

• More than anything, what would you like your life to feel like? See if you can cultivate that feeling now, in the relative quiet of the long nights of winter, regardless of your circumstances. Practicing this can help you to become aware of what supports and what tears at this feeling when life starts to pick up again in the spring. Noticing helps you to make better choices about what belongs in your life and what doesn’t.

It’s easy to get caught up in the spin and rush of the holiday madness that’s all around us now, but it’s important to be resting and recharging our batteries, so remember to slow down enough to be really present for the time you may spend with friends and family this month. Modern life is relentless, but we can choose to unhook, unplug, and get off the crazy wheel sometimes, because we all need to take breaks. All the busy-ness is no good if we’re never experiencing any quality of life.

Remember to carve out some time this month for quiet, reflection, appreciation of what you have to celebrate, and healing from what was difficult this year. Look for ways to experience the joy of mid-winter celebrations that societies all over the world have made a tradition. Give yourself time to dream of what you may create in the new year as the old one winds down. Treat yourself with kindness as you come in from the cold to rest for a while before striking out anew.

Entering the Quiet

“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.”

— Peter Drucker

While the next month will be a flurry of activity for many of us, I find it helpful to recall that before the advent of modern technology, the darkest, coldest times of the year were considered to be a time for rest, gratitude for the year's harvest, and envisioning plans and desires for the year ahead. Right about now (in the northern hemisphere) we would have been slowing down, spending more time with family and friends, enjoying the fact that fewer hours of daylight meant fewer hours in which to work, and going to bed earlier. The limitations of light and weather meant that the cycle of the year was not negotiable. Working within it meant that people were almost guaranteed to benefit from this slower time of year.

Since we now have the ability to work 24/7 through the wonders of technology, we are beginning to have trouble stopping or even slowing down at all. You now have a choice about when and how to do this, but if you want to be happy and healthy, it must be done. Rest and relaxation are necessary for rejuvenation of body, mind and spirit. Only when rested do we have sustainable access to our greatest creativity and palette of skills, so as you move through the end of this year, make sure you carve out some time for yourself. Plan to do very little for some of it, and also, at some point, take time to review the high points of the year to better see your present life in context, and then think about what you'd like to create in 2018. Your wish list could include achievements, but also progress you'd like to make on character traits or skills that are more incremental. You might yearn to improve a relationship that's important to you.  You might want to add new, supportive habits to your routine. Perhaps you'd like to take a trip to a place you've never been, or to see friends and family you've been missing. Whatever it is, now's the time to play with the virtual chess pieces that might be involved in your mind, and begin to imagine the way forward.

What you set into motion now through contemplation and imagination will build in momentum in the new year, but in order to bring your most productive self to bear in your projects, you need to replenish your energy stores and your heart before you start trekking toward them. This is an excellent time to do some high-quality rejuvenation. Don't miss out on it by letting this busy time blow by without making some room for the relaxation and creative time you need for yourself. This time spent in quiet will help you to ring in the new year with anticipation, joy and intention—so much better than with the frazzled confusion that is your alternative!

Just This

“ In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy.”

— William Blake

Many cultures have historically celebrated, in some way, the winter solstice, which marks the return of the light—in other words, the lengthening of days after the longest night of the year.  The darkest time is now past, and we are once again looking forward to longer, warmer days and the fruition of seeds that are only being dreamed now, until they can be planted in the spring.  And yet, there’s not much to do now.  It’s still dark and cold, and we feel like hibernating, especially if the fall season was busy and social. 

Now may be a good time to remember that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all.  It’s appropriate sometimes to relax and enjoy the comforts of home, family, and the appreciation of what the passing year’s harvest has brought.  In today’s harried world, it’s easy to think that taking downtime is lazy or selfish, but what if this is an important time to bond with those who are closest in your life so that in busier times, you’ll have great memories and the confidence that these people are on your side?  Playing games, telling stories around a fire, and catching up on rest are traditional things to do at this time of year, and they help us build resilience for later.

There’s one more week of holiday social activity before us, and then with the passing of the old year and the advent of the new, we all begin to break off again to envision and work toward our own ideas.  The new year brings with it a sense of possibility and fresh starts, and many people experience a resurgence of motivation and zestfulness about what is possible.  Don’t miss this final week of celebratory enjoyment!  It’s important for maintaining your morale to take breaks from your normal stressors and appreciate natural rhythms and the good people around you.

New ideas, projects, and stimulation will be along soon enough.  This week, have fun, sleep deeply, appreciate the love you have now and have experienced throughout your life, and acknowledge yourself for all the good work you’ve done this year.  There will always be more to do and experience, but let your actions flow from joy and enthusiasm in right timing.  Right now, and always, without doing anything, you are enough.  

Festivity and Fatigue

“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.”

— Fred Rogers

Now that the Thanksgiving holiday has passed, I’m sure you’ve noticed a ramp-up of epic proportions in the advertising messages coming at you from all directions.  A month of wild merchandizing is upon us!  For those of us who celebrate religious holidays in the next month or so, some of these may have their utility as we look for a few nice gift ideas; for others, this will be just so much annoying noise and chatter.  Even if you are planning on shopping, the sheer volume of the onslaught, both figuratively and literally, is likely beyond what you would prefer.  Time to take some compensatory measures!

According to traditional cultures around the world, we in the Northern Hemisphere are entering the season of darkness.  This is a time to dream, rest and renew, and envision next year’s harvest in silence before the light returns—and with it, another cycle of increased activity.  Our ancestors slept and rested more at this time of year, and our bodies still remember this rhythm despite the dawning of electric light, and now, the reality of constant connectivity.  It’s normal to want to slow down now to conserve energy, eat heavier foods to survive the colder months, and in the language of Traditional Chinese Medicine, build yin; yin is the weight and substance that grounds active energy and keeps us from burning out.  It’s the physical and energetic reserves we build up over time so that periods of higher activity don’t drain us to the bone.  Yet in modern life, taking this time is often seen as silly, unnecessary, or self-indulgent.  This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

The modern-day mindset teaches us that everything can be solved with the mind, and yet, in my experience, that just isn’t the case.  For example, sometimes body issues need to be addressed at the level of the body.  No amount of thinking about exercising can produce all of the results of actually exercising.  Physiological changes can happen in meditative states, but these are states that bring the mind, body, and spirit into closer cooperation.  The mind alone, spinning in isolation, does not create the same traction.

If you are feeling the call to find more quiet, more rest, more time alone, or deeper sleep, know that this is not a failing.  It doesn’t make you weak or lazy.  It makes you someone who is able to mark the changing of the seasons and experience the gifts inherent in each.  Holiday time can be a happy celebration of this darker, slower time of year if we can allow ourselves to be more fully present with our friends and family when we come together.  We can choose more relaxing shared activities instead of overscheduling ourselves into oblivion. We can take this time to focus more on the satisfying fullness of time spent on simple things like the preparation and enjoyment of good, healthy meals shared with pleasant company.  If we do this consciously, we can enter a new year with a growing sense of enthusiasm for what the new cycle of endeavor will bring, rather than an ever-increasing sense of fatigue and overwhelm.

In the next month, as the advertising blitz reaches its blaring heights, remember that you don’t owe your attention to anything you do not value.  Everyone may want your attention right now, but when motives are impersonal and selfish, or irrelevant to you, you need not give it.  You can decide what your priorities are, and then focus on those despite the cacophony of distractions.  That’s how you end up living your own life rather than being pulled to pieces by competing forces.

Here are a few recommendations for staying on track:

·      Actually write out your intentions for the coming weeks.  What on your to do list is an expression of something that’s truly important to you?  Who do you want to be every day as you go about your life? 

·      Read these when you get up in the morning and before bed to help you stay focused.  Think about any ways in which you could do better tomorrow.  Only you get to add something to these lists, and only when the timing is right

·      Be selective and practice saying no to activities and events that you know would overschedule you.  Actively protect your breathing room.  This also sets a good example for everyone around you, showing them that no one dies if you don’t attend absolutely every possible seasonal event, as we all need to create the balance that is healthy for us

·      Remember that resting, recharging, and playing are things you have “accomplished,” elements of living that are necessary and good for us.  Give yourself credit for including these and bucking the tides of manic activity that can spiral well-intentioned people into exhaustion and irritability

·      Keep redirecting your attention to the enjoyment of the moment, the operative word being joy.  Find the joy you can give and experience even when times are hectic by connecting authentically with fellow human beings, even in small, passing moments.  These connections are often what we most crave, and what make us feel most fulfilled in retrospect

Keep breathing.  Keep refocusing on what’s really important to you and who you want to be.  You are the captain of your ship, so go ahead and steer it.  Don’t waste the opportunities today offers to be who you choose to be.

I wish you joy and fulfillment in the coming weeks no matter what you may or may not celebrate, and no matter where your adventures may take you.  I hope you create happy memories and progress toward your intentions no matter how busy your season.  Rest, celebrate, give, and have fun!

The Parade Approaches

“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up—they have no holidays.”

— Henny Youngman

It’s November 1st, and we might as well acknowledge that the holiday season is upon us, love it or hate it!  Many of the world’s most prominent religions celebrate important holidays in the course of the next two months, and while this means something different to each of us, there are commonalities.  We’re likely to be busier than usual with social engagements.  We may travel to be with loved ones at the most traffic-jammed times.  We may be planning to host festivities, and be preparing for both fun and lots of unusual tasks and people underfoot.  We may be feeling trepidation about spending time with people who we don’t really enjoy.  Dreading seeing (or being!) that crazy uncle, or difficult memories from prior years.  Most families, and groups of friends, experience plenty of love and fun, and also inevitable complexity.  It’s a mixed bag of joy and obligation.  Strap in.  It’s on!

If you love it, you still need to remind yourself to take time to breathe, rest, and rejuvenate periodically throughout the coming weeks.  As the calendar year draws to a close, it’s a natural time to start reflecting on what happened this year and start envisioning what we might like to work toward and experience in the new year.  Don’t miss this moment, this opportunity.  If there’s no contemplation at this time, you’re more likely to ring in the new year with a scattered, frantic, overstressed desire to turn back to and turn up the volume on your routine and your own personal priorities, and this can escalate into poorly chosen New Year’s resolutions; if we try to legislate ourselves into unrealistic changes, we end up disappointed and demoralized.  I think it’s a much better policy to make resolutions throughout the year as needed—when we’re in a calm, centered state and we can choose sustainable plans that support our deepest desires and purpose.  But if you must jump on the resolution bandwagon in January, you’ll do a much better job of it if you allowed yourself some room to breathe and reflect in November and December.

In order to really be present and drink in the enjoyment of the moments with loved ones that we’ll be given, that same allowance of breath and self-care is important.  If you’re going like a speeding Mack truck for months at a time, running on too little sleep and no personal downtime, you’re more likely to resent what you give to others, and more likely to be a little irritable all throughout.  If you’re not getting in a few workouts per week of whatever variety works for you, you won’t feel vital and healthy as you pile on the extra busy-ness.  Instead, you’ll end up feeling slower, heavier, and you’ll likely have a harder time managing stress.  If you’re not planning healthy meals among the indulgences, you’ll become nutritionally depleted to some extent, which will impact your stamina for the worse.  If you’re giving no thought to your internal world, you’re likely to let your own needs go for too long before you tune in and rebalance, and it’s when we’re out of balance that we’re more vulnerable to getting hit with colds or the flu.  You can’t party if you’re coughing and sneezing up a storm!  To keep yourself in the game, start thinking now about how you can reserve at least some time every week for catching up on your own rest and other physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs.

If you tend not to enjoy this time of year, now’s the time to give some thought to why that is.  Make sure you’re clear about the factors in play and see if you can proactively address at least some of them in a new way. 

·      If you tend to overschedule yourself, block out time every week that’s for your relaxation and catching up on things so you don’t have to feel so overwhelmed, and don’t compromise it! 

·      Build in time doing, watching, or listening to things that make you laugh.  This helps in regaining perspective, plus it’s really good for you!

·      If you like to give gifts but tend to procrastinate and make yourself miserable, put time on your calendar starting now so you can spread this out over time and enjoy it more. 

·      If there’s someone you dread seeing, enlist the help of someone else who knows how you feel, and brainstorm about how you might improve the encounter.  Ask for help from someone who might be willing to run interference, for instance.  Read up on ways to communicate more effectively.  Don’t just tell yourself that nothing can be done!  You might find ways to make everyone more comfortable so that more good times can be had by all. 

·      If you tend to feel down at this time of year because of unhappy memories, or the anniversary of a sad event, plan ways to honor how you feel, and again, get help if you need it.  There are lots of people who have this kind of experience at this time of year; those people can understand much of what you’re going through.  You don’t have to go it alone, and that’s not a healthy thing to try to do.  Seek the help of a professional or find a support group or a friend who can listen when you need some caring attention.

·      EFT/Tapping can be a great help in getting your true feelings up and out in a productive way, and in restoring  your calm as challenges come up.  If you haven’t taken the time to learn the basics, now is a great time to do it!  Don’t wait until you desperately need it to get comfortable with this simple yet very powerful tool.

Perhaps you’ve noticed I’m suggesting that you work to become conscious of where the pitfalls are, and map a route around or over them rather than just allowing them to take over again this season, whatever they may be for you.  Sometimes it takes time to improve your experience, but if you just keep inching forward, it can be done.

There are wonderful opportunities for enjoyment and fulfillment during this season.  Take some time before things kick into high gear to look around and remember what tends to go wrong and plan for the things you’d like to go right.  Nothing ever goes exactly according to plan, but why not give yourself an advantage and see what happens?  Time with family and friends is precious, and it deserves the same kind of care and attention we would give to any important goal or endeavor.  When you turn your conscious attention on something and pursue it with clear intent, chances are you will improve it.  I’ll be cheering you on!  I wish you happiness in all your holiday festivities and solemnities, and I hope that the remainder of 2016 is filled with blessings for you and those you love.

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

“Sleep is the best meditation.”

— The Dalai Lama

Sleep.  S-l-e-e…huh, what?  Were you saying something?

I know, this is not a sexy topic.  Let’s see if we can make it a bit more cloak and dagger, then:  Did you know that extreme sleep deprivation might even be able to kill a human?  I guess it makes sense if you really think about it, but I remember that the first time I heard this, I was taken aback.  I'm guessing that I now have your attention!

According to the Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School, “…animals deprived entirely of sleep lose all immune function and die in just a matter of weeks,” so it seems likely to smart people who study this topic extensively that the same fate might await a human deprived of all sleep.  However, the messages we usually hear in everyday life in Western culture suggest that there’s something wrong with us if we need more than a few hours of sleep.  When we’re obviously tired, people make fun of us, rib us about too many nights on the town, act like we’re being whiny little babies, imply that we should be able to man up and walk it off.  There are many factors that can contribute to sleep disturbances, but it can seem self-indulgent to spend time working out what crops up here.  After all, everyone has trouble sleeping sometimes, right?  Is that really a big deal?

Modern life has become a race to get more done, produce more tangible results to prove our worth (which is considered from a very “yang” perspective—what have you done, what can you brag about, how hard are you working?)  We’re unlikely to get much notice or credit for trying to create a balanced lifestyle that sustains time with family and friends and our health, and longevity—unless the attainment of six-pack abs is involved!  While we certainly can choose to live by these standards and leave the popular mindset unconsidered, the updated science tells us that sleep is absolutely necessary to our proper physical and mental functioning.

Inadequate sleep is associated with the following, for example:

• Inflammation, which contributes to issues like high blood pressure, arthritis, diabetes, and strokes
   
• Impaired memory, attention span and learning
   
• Decreased emotional stability; tendency toward irritability and depression
   
• Less access to creativity
   
• Diminished athletic ability and stamina, as well as reaction times and the ability to make good
  decisions while driving a vehicle
   
• Loss of muscle mass rather than fat while dieting, as well as increased appetite
   
• Increased stress hormone levels
   
• Decreased synchronization of organ systems
   
• Inability of the brain to process and organize our life experiences (neural consolidation)
   
• In the extreme, hallucinations and paranoia, and even brain damage

Not good at all!  The Same Harvard Web site linked above has this to say about sleep and mortality rates: “Data from three large cross-sectional epidemiological studies reveal that sleeping five hours or less per night increased mortality risk from all causes by roughly 15 percent.”  Also not good.  Ignoring the implications of your sleep life is clearly not the brightest thing to do!

Now, while I think that there are examples of high-functioning people throughout history, such as Mozart, Da Vinci, and Margaret Thatcher, who are reported to have slept surprisingly little, you’ll also note that these people had a very strong, passionate sense of purpose in life.  If you’re not currently living a life fueled by passion and purpose, you’re likely unable to hook into the incredible drive it would likely take to sleep for Da Vinci’s reported two whole hours per day.  There are also physical factors that will contribute to our needs; there's at least one gene that has been found to influence how much sleep an individual will require.  Especially given the toxic chemicals that are all around us these days and the pace of modern life, I think that most of us are fooling ourselves when we pretend we don’t need seven to eight hours per night on average.

On the other hand, I’m willing to acknowledge that societal rhythms that mirror the progression of daylight have kept us from experimentation with non-traditional ideas as far as sleep patterns.  For some, a polyphasic sleep model, in which frequent naps replace a single block of sleep, may actually work quite well; for some, two blocks of four-hour sleep might do the trick; when I was in college, for instance, I found that sleeping for several hours in the early evening followed by a period of homework and then getting more sleep really boosted my productivity and positive attitude about getting my work done.  I still find that a mid-afternoon siesta can be really helpful when I want to stay productive all throughout the day.  There are some fun infographics out there, like this one showing what famous historical figures have done with their sleep patterns that might give you some ideas if your work arrangement allows you to experiment.  Ultimately, I think sleep is one of those areas in which the most successful plan for each person might be a highly individualized one.  It’s worth doing some work to figure out how to maximize its restorative function in your routine. 

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the maintenance of adequate yin energy, to which sleep is a big contributor, is understood to be the body’s potential, its ability to create the stuff of your body, like blood and bone, and restore it as necessary.  It’s the ability to stay grounded in reality that balances a hyperactive mind, which the majority of us have in the living of the modern lifestyle.  The equilibrium required between both means that you can’t just run everything on yang energy, which is about activity and doing things with your body and mind.  That will burn you out and shorten your life span in this system of thought, and science is bearing this out.  In cultures that spend very little time in calming activities like meditation and quiet time alone while awake, sleep is one of the only things that we do regularly to build yin energy, especially since most of us don't do a great job with nutrition, another of the main sources of yin.

If you are someone who often feels drowsy or impatient, or is already exhibiting diseases that are influenced by lack of sleep, here are some factors to consider in improving this crucial part of your life:

• Make sure that your bedroom is a restful, clean, pleasant space that feels safe.  You should be able to enjoy being in it, and remove distractions and visual and auditory reminders to get things done.  Don’t work in this space.  Keep it for sleep and intimacy only.
   
• Your bedroom should be dark at night, as light hitting your eyes and skin while you sleep signals the body that it’s time to be awake.
   
• You might want to add a white noise machine or air filter that emits a gentle, constant sound.
   
• Keep your cell phone, computer, Blackberry, and other electronics elsewhere while you sleep.
   
• Develop a wind-down ritual so that you’re going to sleep at the same time each day, like doing some light stretching or breathing exercises, or some enjoyable reading in bed. 
   
• Wake up at the same time each day as well, expanding the amount of time you sleep on a daily basis until you don’t feel the need to “catch up” on the weekends. 
   
• Your body temperature is supposed to drop at night, so don’t exercise or take a hot shower or bath right before you want to sleep.  Allow for a cool-down period and lower the room temperature so you’re not too hot.  I also find that I'm more likely to have nightmares if I'm too warm while sleeping.
   
• If you do have trouble getting back to sleep during the night, don’t lie there feeling anxious about it.  Get up and do something relaxing like some more reading or listening to calming music until you’re drowsy again.  EFT (Tapping) is also great for helping you to relax, unwind, and get back to sleep.
   
• Don’t consume caffeine or nicotine past the early afternoon.  And while alcoholic beverages can help you relax into sleep, they can also disturb the second half of your sleep cycle.  Take note of whether this might be happening for you.
   
• Don’t eat a big meal right before bed.  The digestive process makes it hard for the body to sleep deeply.
   
• If you have a pet that is active at night, consider keeping it out of the bedroom while you’re sleeping.
   
• If you have health challenges that interfere with sleep, do what you can to address them.  If those challenges mean that you need extra sleep in order to heal and restore yourself, make it a priority to get it.
  
  I hope you can see how important it is to achieve a healthy sleep routine for you and your specific needs.  Try not to let anyone else decide for you what you need (unless you have serious issues with your sleep, in which case professional advice on your particular situation may be invaluable).  Instead, experiment and really pay attention to what works for you.  The reward will be more energy, clarity of mind, calmer emotions, enhanced creativity, and more vibrant health.  Hey, maybe this is sexy after all.