A Fine Romance

“The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.”

— Blaise Pascal

Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is almost here.  Historical underpinnings aside, it has evolved into a day when we’re expected to focus on romance, which is a concept with numerous connotations.  Some of us enjoy an excuse to get mushy and cuddly with a main squeeze.  Others feel pressured by the designation of a day when we’re supposed to show up with expressions of love that another will find to be appropriately showy.  And for those who are not, but would like to be, in a relationship with a partner, it can be…well…downright depressing having to watch all of the canoodling couples doing their thing.   

Whatever your take on this day has generally been in the past, let’s consider what its essential value is, so that we can salvage the best of it this year.  Romance is sometimes ridiculed as a state of fantasy, a desire and an effort to see through hazy rose-colored glasses rather than living in the “real” world and acknowledging what actually is true—or a desire for a relationship that is perfect beyond possibility.  Yet, the feminine side of us knows that at its core, romance is about appreciation, and celebration, of what is beautiful and good and whole in another.  It is a desire and an intention to see the perfection that is available to us, and to feel joy and even exultation in the process.  The ability to do so is actually a tremendous strength.  What can get us into trouble is the expectation that someone else will behave in what we consider to be a perfect manner, actualizing our version of the divine for us in every moment.  That is folly indeed, as no one can be exactly everything we want and need, no matter how much they aim to please.  Also, I’ve never yet heard of a human being who seems to have lived a blameless life, expressing nothing but divine perfection at all times.  If not even enlightened masters can pull this off, then your mortal partner, or the target of your affection, certainly can’t!

In romance, then, the ability to see and appreciate the beauty and perfection in another person is really the goal.  When you direct this kind of benevolent effort at someone, it can be interesting how s/he will often begin to reciprocate, or at least try to.  Your largesse of heart may touch off an enjoyable cycle of appreciation that makes your relationship a lot more fun.  On the other hand, if you don’t have a romantic partner, it’s possible to direct this same kind of intent toward other people or things and enjoy a slightly different experience of romance through appreciating them.  There can be a kind of romance to tuning into the striking beauty of a sunset, or other feature of the natural environment; there can be a romantic feeling that comes from deeply appreciating art or other brilliant achievements; there can be a level of romance that can result from acknowledging the amazing friends and other blessings that are in your life, no matter what you find it to lack at the moment.

Amidst the bustle that often goes along with Valentine’s Day, see if you can direct your focus to the aspects of someone or something that you can celebrate with joy and deep gratitude.  If you are with a partner, this is likely what they most want from you anyway, even when the other trappings of the day are very nice.  If you’re not with a partner, you’ll be bringing joy to yourself, and practicing a habit that can become one of the best skills you could ever bring to a relationship when an opportunity arrives.  Whatever else you may choose to do tomorrow, look for things to appreciate, and see whether you don’t enjoy the day more than you have in the past.  If you are willing to let yourself be surprised and delighted by beauty where you find it, the chances are excellent that you will.