A Time for Everything

“Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”

— Robert Fulghum

Here in the U.S., we’ve just celebrated Independence Day.  It’s a fun, social holiday when it’s customary to gather for backyard barbeque, swimming, lawn games, and festive libations, and then we finish big by blowing things up.  Hopefully, only fireworks.  The whole thing is an excellent expression of the exuberance of summer, as well as the freewheeling attitude that begs to prevail during the hottest weather.  In some ways it feels like the high point of summer, a day that epitomizes everything this season stands for.  So it can seem like something of a letdown to get back to normal life the day after.  How does one go on working when it seems like it’s high time to drop everything and hit the beach for a month, responsibility be damned?

It’s a fine thing to partake of the customs and spirit of each season, and yet there will always be things that need doing.  There are also things you probably want to be advancing for yourself during this time—goals that reflect true desires you’d like to see fulfilled.  How can you stay motivated in the midst of distraction in the form of good times to be had all around?  Some thoughts:

• First of all, don’t fight the fun!  Find ways to let yourself enjoy the opportunities that present themselves.  If you don’t do this enough, you’re likely to get fed up at some point and bolt from the things you actually want to be doing because all that self-denial has made you want to rebel.  What this balance between work and play should be is unique to each person, and takes trial and error to discover.  It’s also not a constant, so you’ll need to be honest with yourself about what you’re craving on a daily basis and do your best to find sensible ways to feed any craving that you know is healthy.
• Next, look at the list of what you’re working on and see if you can streamline it to make a little more room than usual to breathe.  Do you have to make progress on all of those items?  Could you work on only one thing per week, even if you’re really charging forward on that thing, in order to create a little more head space and know when you’re done each day?  Could you pencil in a little more free time here and there to do with as you like?  What would go undone if you did that?  Maybe you can live with the answer to this. 
• Where could you lighten up on others, who are also probably experiencing a similar draw toward a little more down time?  Can you see ways to lower your expectations of others a little so they feel more freedom to enjoy extra relaxation without guilt?  It’s not very nice to do less if you’re just going to burden others with more.
• Once you have made a little room for yourself, consider why you want to make the progress you do.  Reminding ourselves of the purpose behind actions that may not immediately pay off is crucial to generating the energy necessary to getting things done.  For example, cleaning the bathroom is not an inspiring prospect, but keeping germs and dust under control means you get to experience health and the pleasure of living in a clean, uncluttered environment.  Focus on the happy result you’re working toward, and it gets a lot easier to get up and go.
• Finally, you can take all the fun you’ve experienced at recent social events, or other pleasant experiences, and play the memories like music in the background when you’re working.  Whenever you think of it, remember the laughs, the play, and the good times with people (or animals) you feel close to; you can even think about the ways in which the work you’re doing is likely to impact them for the better, no matter if the benefits are indirect.  For example, if you’re cleaning the house, you can think about how nice it will be for them to visit a clean space next time, and imagine the fun you’ll have when they do—or even just how your clean house supports your health, which helps you feel good enough to join in whenever there’s an invitation.

It’s natural to feel some connection to the character of the seasons.  If you acknowledge what’s on offer at any particular time and find ways to adapt and enjoy it, you’ll be serving your overall happiness and continued effectiveness.  None of us is a machine, nor should we be.  Choose to be a human and take part!

Money, Honey!

“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”

— Mark Twain

Continuing to follow along with Maslowe’s concept about the needs we must take care of before we can really thrive as a total human being, in this week’s blog, we’ll take a look at another aspect of security:  Your ability to make enough money to support yourself and your family.  We’re not talking here about your ability to live the most abundant life possible, as that will be for a later post.  This one will be about how to create the feeling that you can always handle your basic financial needs.

Your feelings about making money, saving money, and spending money are shaped most profoundly by what you were taught experientially by your family.  If you saw your parents and other family members struggling to make and have enough money, then you most likely learned that making money is hard, and that not having enough is something to be feared.  If you watched their fortunes go up and down, you probably came away from that experience feeling that money is fickle, and one can as easily lose it as gain it.  If you were often told that your family couldn’t afford the things you wanted, then you may have learned to resent money as a concept altogether.  I’m sure you can see that these attitudes that so many of us learn about money are not at all helpful in our quest to feel safe and secure enough to pursue the life goals that most excite us.

With these attitudes in tow, we are far more likely to talk ourselves out of taking even small risks in moving toward our goals.  We will tend to move through life with a sense of fear and pessimism about our possible monetary outcomes.  We are likely to feel that we’re not equal to the task of providing for ourselves and those we love during changing times.  All of this will sap our energy and enthusiasm for life in ways it’s hard to fully comprehend until we’re able to finally find ways to transform these beliefs and attitudes.

As far as monetary skills, some of us are lucky enough to have been taught some of these at home.  If you did learn some basics about balancing a checkbook or budgeting, for instance, then you may have built some confidence around your ability to handle money.  If you were allowed to participate in discussions about financial decisions, then you probably built more there.  Those of us who were very fortunate may have learned about investing, or how to run a business. It’s also possible that you learned some things at school that were relevant to finance.  You may have had classes in junior high or high school that touched on the basics of earning and using money.  You may have elected to take classes in college about business and finance.  All of these create advantages that help us to feel competent in the financial arena of life.  Unfortunately, many of us come through our schooling with little to no practical learning about financial matters such that we lack confidence and a sense of literacy in this extremely important area.  If you didn’t learn these early, you may still be struggling to learn them now, but there are resources available to help you at every turn if you are willing to look and learn from them.  It’s not hopeless, even if you’re not where you want to be!

Once we enter the workforce, we start learning through trial by fire if we’re still relatively clueless at that point.  Now we are responsible for earning money and paying our expenses.  We’re likely motivated by both needs and desires to make ends meet.  We start gaining valuable on-the-job skills, and realizing that some of the things we picked up along the way, like social and communication skills, have very real practical value on the job.  If we’re willing to continue learning and stay flexible, we can often parlay our gains in experience into better job opportunities or entrepreneurial ventures.  If we stop learning or aren’t assertive in looking for expanding opportunities, for whatever reason, then we’re not building the confidence in our ability to earn that would help us to create the important sense of security we’re after.

Another way to build confidence in your ability to support yourself is through life experiences in areas not related to income.  Say you encounter a health challenge and are able to make lifestyle and attitude changes to help you in regaining vibrancy as you follow a recommended course of treatment.  Rising to the occasion has taught you that you have power within the circumstances that present themselves in your life; you have the ability to roll with the punches and come out better than before, with new knowledge, skills, and belief in yourself.  Or say you have a serious issue in a relationship with someone close to you, and you confront it and take action to improve the relationship.  While the skills you learned in doing so may not seem immediately relative to your income, you will often gain faith in your ability to handle whatever comes to you in the future.  And you may also find that those skills will eventually help you in your moneymaking ventures down the line.  Things that you are particularly good at in life have a way of making themselves useful in surprising ways. 

The world we live in has changed so much, and so rapidly, that many of us were never formally prepared for the kind of economy in which we now must function.  It wasn’t long ago that the norm was for a worker to spend 30 or more years working at the same company and retiring with a financial package designed to keep him going for the rest of his life.  Now the norm for a similar worker is to move to a different job, and often workplace, every few years.  She is now responsible for her own retirement income.  We are at a distinct disadvantage if we’re not good at negotiating and selling ourselves and our talents, or if we’re afraid to try new things and branch out into different kinds of work.  Things move quickly in this economy, and sometimes it’s necessary to regroup and take an opportunity that’s being offered even if it’s not what you were looking for.  It’s possible to leverage every step you make into more of what you want, but sometimes patience is required.

If you want to feel a sense of security that will free you, here are the items I recommend considering:

• Take stock of your financial skills.  Do you know how to budget, balance a checkbook, organize your yearly information to get your taxes filed?  If not, spend some time on basic financial literacy.  These skills are essential to feeling secure around money.
• Learn about the basics of investing.  What are some of the kinds of investments available?  It can be very helpful to ask people you know about what investment ideas they’ve come across and chosen to use.  Obviously, it’s better to ask people who seem like they’re doing relatively well financially!  You may not put this research to use right away, but the more comfortable you become with investing concepts, the more easily you will be able to make good choices when it’s time.
• Regularly take stock of your marketable skills and update your resume.  Often we don’t give ourselves credit for the skills we’re constantly learning in the course of life and work.
• Think about skills you have that you might not normally include on a resume, but that help you to remember that you can be flexible, and that you have learned and grown all throughout your life.  If you don’t like trying new things, find ways to stretch outside your comfort zone, and make an effort to enjoy the thrill of the novelty. 
• Have the courage to examine the beliefs you were taught about money and your ability to have enough.  Find a process you can follow to transform any that are clearly not helpful.  Often this process yields tremendous gains in your confidence and ability to excel going forward! My favorite way to address this is through Tapping, which can help you to quickly gain clarity and improve your money-related beliefs, but there are many possible paths to the same result.  Find one that appeals to you and do this essential work.

I hope this post has given you a few things to think about as you work toward creating a sense of confidence in your financial safety and security.  Until next time, I wish you and your family all monetary happiness!