So Much Happier Blog
Feeling Reeeeeally Tired?
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
Photo by Ethan Brooke
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that this year has felt like an endless Groundhog Day-style slog for a lot of people. We’ve all had to adapt to major changes nearly overnight, and these changes have involved confusion and sacrifice. Much has been uncomfortable, frustrating, contentious, and challenging. Living in times when everyone is feeling these things has led to drops in efficiency across all of our activities, and interactions with other people that are increasingly strained by the pressures everyone is facing. We’re being called to think and function in new ways, and many people have been pushed over the edge past where they can find any sense of balance.
Times of intense challenge require innovation, as the “old way” of doing things will often no longer be effective or even tenable. Unfortunately, humans don’t seem to like change very much! Throughout history, there are endless examples of blind resistance to change that was doomed, yet the trend was to dig in and refuse to reckon with change anyway. It takes work to change our thinking, our habits, and to change our own sense of identity—which, because of the endless antics of the ego, can actually feel like a kind of death. Fun!
To cope with all of this challenge, we need tools to foster internal adaptation and resilience. Unfortunately, most of us have been told that the answer to everything related to mind and emotions is willpower, a.k.a. stubbornness. You’re “supposed to” be able to muscle through whatever comes up, and if not, well, you’re weak and useless. This thinking paints people into corners where they think they need to suffer in silence in order to be valuable. In fact, if we want to be the most effective (not to mention happy) people we can be, just the opposite is true! We need to acknowledge where we’re struggling, find ways to vent off and transform our emotions into useful knowledge, and take action to create healthier balance in our lives.
You probably know by now that I find Tapping to be one of the most effective tools in existence for helping us to do all of these things. It’s simple, direct, and it works on all levels, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. And it’s free to learn and use as a self-help tool whenever you need it. It does encompass a lot of techniques that take time to master, but just the simplest version can make all the difference in how you experience your every day. If you haven’t yet started to practice using it, I strongly recommend that now is the time to put in a few minutes here and there to remind yourself of the steps and practice.
One of the things I like best about Tapping is that we don’t need to try to force anything to happen in this medium. We just express the reality of what’s going on in our inner world, and allow change to happen organically while we Tap. How we feel is not just ok, but important, and allowing it can lead to illuminating understandings and change that naturally occurs in right timing for our capacity. Symptoms of stress may melt away, sleep may improve, and you may find yourself feeling a lot less resistance to appropriate change with continued use. (Those are side effects we can all live with!) The name for the specific version of meridian tapping in which I am trained is called EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques, for good reason!
I also want to share an article this week that makes some excellent points about how much the sheer uncertainty of the current environment can wear on us. Of course life always involves uncertainty, but these are unusual times to be sure. I hope you find it a useful reminder that you are not alone, and that it’s ok to be feeling on edge right now. Just don’t forget that you have the power to help yourself feel better about whatever stresses are on your plate, maybe after just a few minutes of Tapping.
The Amplifying Power of Cooperation
“Competition has been shown to be useful up to a certain point and no further, but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today, begins where competition leaves off.”
Photo by Shane Rounce
Interestingly, though so many of us have been raised with the idea that nature is set up to reward “Survival of the Fittest,” and that this means a life of high-octane individualistic competition for all beings, this may not be the most observable truth. I just read an article postulating that even Darwin, credited as the author of this concept, didn’t mean it the way it has been passed down. While I’m not an expert here and have not read Darwin’s works directly, I wouldn’t be surprised if his observations had been oversimplified. The world around us is full of examples of ingenious interconnectedness and cooperation. Until very recently in human history, people lived in highly interdependent, necessarily cooperative groups/tribes because without modern technology, the tasks required for sustainable survival were well beyond the abilities of most single humans.
In modern times, we have been increasingly enabled to exist with less directly obvious interaction with others, so daily human interactions have dwindled. As a result, in the last century, there has been a remarkable increase in the symptoms of loneliness and a decrease in feelings of purpose and daily relevance. Many people feel less able to turn to reliable partners for support in times of difficulty. A lot fewer of us feel like we’re a part of a thriving, socially connected community. And now, we’re confronting a pandemic that requires yet more isolation, exacerbating a growing sense of loneliness for so many.
This is new territory, and we are evolving new ways to stay connected, like the Internet. Being able to connect to anyone with Internet service around the world expands the ways in which we can become interconnected to other people in meaningful ways across distance. However, it does not replace the depth of real-world, multi-dimensional relationships that many of us are lacking. The constant availability of vast amounts of information and opportunity of certain kinds may seem as though it should be enough to fulfill us, but somehow it’s just not. It often only adds to our feelings of stress and overwhelm rather than decreasing them as healthy relationships can do.
Healthy, balanced, cooperative relationships can assist us in creating better solutions to problems by allowing us access to a wider array of talents and ideas. They can broaden our sense of security, because we know that the people on the other end will be there when we’re truly in need, just as we will pitch in when they need something important. Healthy relationships assure us that others know, approve of, and care for us through the ups and downs; they help to give us a sense of daily purpose as we participate in supporting a network of people we like, and who are working toward goals we can approve of. Human beings are evolutionary, meaning that we have a natural drive toward learning, growth, and achievement, but we are also built to be social. If we are not tending to our social needs, we can feel just as empty as when there is no obvious path forward to the creation of better things for ourselves and those around us.
In this time of such great challenge to our social needs, it’s vital that we devote some focus and ingenuity to how we will tend to our social needs and those of the people we want to stay connected to. Part of self-care is caring for our relationships, and making sure that those we love know we’re available to them in whatever ways we can be. Relationships take time and effort to build and deepen, and they take more time and effort to maintain. If we neglect them, over time, their strength may falter and leave us feeling less grounded, less supported, less well. Many of us have been struggling to adjust to a host of new routines, pressures, and problems lately, and it’s hard to keep up with everything at once, but making sure we don’t drop out of our relationships is incredibly important.
If you’ve let this go by the wayside in the face of overwhelm, make sure you’re taking the time this week to reach out to someone whose presence in your life you cherish. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time, but you may find that you get great satisfaction out of even a short visit if you’re putting aside distractions and really showing up fully for it. Think about the ways in which you could cooperate to get more of what you want and need rather than trying to go it alone, and take satisfaction in the cooperation you’re already leveraging. Let yourself celebrate and feel good about what’s good in your life, what is supportive and going right even when so much is challenging. Healthy relationships are one of the best, most valuable things we can create, and they should be appreciated and nurtured.
Elevating the Quality of Your Leisure Time
“The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.”
Photo by Orlova Maria
To be honest, lately I’ve been focused on several activities that have required discipline, and I’ve been feeling less creative personally, and times like this are not my favorite. As a way to add compensatory interest and inspiration during this time, I’ve found myself thinking about bringing some highly concentrated creative beauty into my life courtesy of some wonderful artists whose works I’ve admired over time, or who have been more recently highly recommended.
I have to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed diving into these works of stunning beauty when the day is done and it’s time to stop thinking and acting. I’ve been reminded how much different it is to have contact with something sublime and masterful rather than just mildly interesting and easily accessible. Some works are merely light and fun (which of course is fine, and these have their place, particularly when we’re exhausted and need some mindless time). But some works are more satisfying to each of us, depending on our tastes. Finding and reveling in these can make a huge difference in how inspired we feel, and how much energy and enthusiasm we have at the ready to pursue our own lives on the other side. Don’t you find that when you take in an especially great book, movie, painting, song, etc., you think about it for weeks, months, sometimes years afterward and still feel the joy of the experience? Doesn’t that add to your life in ways that are hard to quantify?
Making a habit of this corresponds to the “Do Something Awe-Inspiring” section of this article on secrets to happiness that I thought I’d share. I actually found this after I’d been working on locating these compressed missives of joy for myself, and it was a good reminder about why this and other key strategies work to improve our moods. Feeling awe, inspiration, and connection to others is essential to creating great happiness. And we’re all living through times when we’re more challenged in these areas, and it’s hard to know when we’ll catch a collective break. That means we need to work harder right now to wring more satisfaction out of things that can sustain us through challenge.
In the week ahead, take just a few extra moments here and there to consider the kinds of creative works you have found most fulfilling. If you don’t have a library card, it’s usually not hard to get one, and that will open up a world of books and other media to your enjoyment. Maybe you have access to services that offer home entertainment that you can mine for experiences that fall within your favorite genres. Lots of museums are offering online tours and other content right now. There’s a lot of content online, some free of charge right now. What have been some of your most beloved works? Where can you find more of those? Friends with similar tastes can be a great source of ideas, so don’t forget to ask around for items you might not have found on your own. Maybe with just a little extra consideration you’ll find some new personal favorites as I have recently done—books you’ll read again and again because they really are that good. Movies you’ll replay in your mind and giggle about every time you think of that favorite scene. Music that will become part of your most passionate shower karaoke sessions. Visual art you might hang on your walls or just revisit when you can.
I wish you an inspiring week. Feel free to share any of your favorites you’d like to pass along in the Comments section!
What Was That Again?
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
One of the areas of greatest disconnect in relationships is around the concept of listening. Most people think they’re great at listening, and many people overestimate their expertise in this area! Being an effective active listener takes work. It takes dedication, focus, determination to avoid distractions, emotional management, generosity, and willingness to stretch your own boundaries in the cause of better understanding a fellow human being. It’s easy and quite common to go off on mental tangents while others are speaking, including starting to plan your own response before the other person has expressed their thoughts. It can be hard to be patient enough to endure, remaining present, without interrupting, especially when the speaker is not great at organizing their thoughts before speaking, but patience is required if you really want to build understanding.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard regarding effective listening is to take notes, which makes it a lot harder to split your focus by indulging in your own flights of fancy at the same time or jump to conclusions. Taking notes helps to slow down a mind that tends toward hyperdrive. When you’ve fully heard the speaker out, that’s a better time to process what has been said and compose your own contribution for best relevance. And the best practice for active listening is to go back over the speaker’s points, repeating what you think you heard, and asking questions to make sure you’ve understood. Doing this ensures better comprehension, which assures your speaker that you are serious about receiving their communication—and it helps them to feel heard, which pretty much everyone loves.
Why bother? Well, the best relationships, whether with family, friends, colleagues, or new acquaintances, require respectful curiosity and the willingness to compromise. You can’t gather information, get to know someone more deeply, walk in someone else’s shoes for empathy, or keep up with others’ evolution over time without being proficient at listening. If your listening skills are sub-par, your relationships will remain shallow and confusing. In short, no listening, no meaningful relationships.
With this in mind, I thought I’d share an infographic on communication that I thought you might find interesting. It is intended for consumption in the business world, but the facts and figures apply broadly. As you read it, take note: Where do think you really fall the various scales that measure these skills? Might there be room for improvement? Which of these might you practice this week to start improving your relationships further?
Acupressure Points that May Help with Anxiousness
“Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”
This week I came across an article on some acupressure points that can be helpful for anxiety, and I wanted to share it with you. As you well know by now, my absolute favorite method for emotional management is Tapping, but anything accessible that can help us all dial down stress right now is crucial. If you want to try what this article suggests, you can apply pressure at a level that feels good to you, or you could tap on these if you prefer, and see if you get extra relief. Sometimes, you’ll find that a particular point feels amazing and really seems to get you extra-great results. At other times, you might want to spend a minute or two on each and see how that goes. Just be sure to heed the warnings about not using some of these if you’re pregnant. I also want to mention that the one on the back of the hand near the thumb has been known to induce nausea in my experience, so you might want to tread lightly with that one as well.
Here’s the link to the article. Note that natural health methodologies tend to be poorly funded because they don’t have huge, powerful industries behind them like drugs do, but Tapping can now claim a growing number of well-constructed studies showing that it works across a range of issues. Acupressure is derived from the same knowledge base, Traditional Chinese Medicine, some of the principles of which are echoed in a number of other traditional health systems established long before the Western version of scientific inquiry was born. When treated with respect and common sense, and pursued with appropriate education or consultation with experts, many of these natural approaches can be gentle and helpful.
As always, I wish you and yours health and peace, and the ability to keep working to make the world a better place even through the most challenging of times.
Navigating Assaults on Your Spirit
“You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lines. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still, like dust, I’ll rise.”
Sadly, one of the characteristics of the human condition is suffering. Much as we may work to avoid it and maximize our happiness (and I will never argue against doing this in ethical ways that don’t harm others, as it often yields great rewards to us and the world around us), we can’t escape our share of difficulty in this life. And some people accumulate far more than their share. Thinking, feeling human beings partake not just in their own pain, but in the pain of others, which can be just as difficult. And in this day and age, when so much bad news in in our faces all the time, the visible levels of human suffering can be overwhelming on a daily basis. When there are spikes in sad and senseless world events, which has happened numerous times this year alone, it can be hard to continue functioning at all.
Despair and powerlessness are at the very the bottom curve of human emotions. When we’ve fallen this far, coming back to equanimity is a process. It doesn’t have to take a long time chronologically, but it does take work. What drives us into these states is unique and complex, and the severity of our fall is determined by the timing of many factors and how they interrelate. I think we’ve all had the experience of multiple misfortunes coming in rapid succession at times, and in these cases, it’s far harder to remain emotionally and spiritually buoyant if you’re not an enlightened master, or at least someone who has trained for the most challenging and soul-sucking times. In our darkest hours, our task may be to just hang on as best we can so that we can heal and renew when some light returns.
Let’s get right to it. Some ideas for supporting yourself in your worst of times:
Rest. I personally find sleep to be a huge help when I’m emotionally overwhelmed and drained. It’s never the whole story, but it does offer a certain magic. Sometimes the healthiest thing to do is give your system a reset, and this is a good one if you can leverage it.
Do your best to keep drinking water and eating some nutritious food every day. If you can’t be bothered, this is something you may be able to ask for help on from a family member when you’re at your wit’s end.
Indulge in “distraction techniques.” These can include any number of activities, like watching a movie that completely gets your mind off what’s weighing on you, playing a game, playing with a pet or child, taking a bath and reading a novel, or otherwise directing your attention off of the problem. This can seem frivolous when everything seems wrong, but you’re no good to anyone when you’re having trouble summoning the will to do anything at all.
On the other hand, you might find it more helpful (especially when you’ve regained enough energy to feel angry or frustrated) to express your feelings by joining with others who understand what you’re upset about to vent, or consuming art that describes your experience and your feelings, creating art, journaling, going to cognitive therapy, or Tapping. In some cities there are now “rage rooms” where you can pay a fee to let loose and break and destroy things, which I understand can be pretty satisfying! Finding a support group around a long-term struggle you share with others can also be incredibly helpful.
This can also be a great time to decide where you will invest energy in the future to help others or support a great cause that is aligned with your struggle, or with skills you enjoy sharing. Committing to an effort to make the world a better place and improve someone else’s life can give a lot of meaning to yours.
Remind yourself what your highest values are, the things that make life worth living, even if it all seems questionable at the moment. When you learn to do this often, it can be something that saves you from the deepest plunges even when your greatest challenges emerge.
There’s a lot of great work you can do when things are looking a bit better that will help you deal with the next time you hit a deep trough, but it takes more energy to do these than you probably have when you’re in the depths. Setting up a support system, finding like-minded buddies and groups (virtual and in real life), as well as practitioners who can help if you’re really in need, spiritual gathering places where you feel at home, and cultivating comforting rituals and other supportive practices like meditation, physical exercise, healthy emotional and mental attentiveness and venting, or spending time with friends who uplift you.
There will be times when your life will feel terrible and hopeless. I wish that wasn’t true, but I don’t think it’s possible to escape this reality if you live a human life. Without acting out or taking out your emotions on your friends, it is important to take time to express your emotions and thoughts, and also, at times, to studiously ignore them so you can partake of various kinds of healing. Whatever your year has been like so far, I hope that you can find support from a variety of loving sources when you need it. I hope you can become stronger and more compassionate despite, or even as a result of, challenge. I hope the time you spend in your worst pain is dwarfed by the time you spend experiencing solidarity and meaning. When you are on solid footing, I hope you will take your turn supporting those who are not with whatever you are best at giving. I hope the human race finds ways to become better and more humane so that all people can experience better lives.
Where to Start?
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
In last week’s blog, I wrote about how during these strange times, you may be able to find space for some activities that will support your renewal even during all the uncertainty. You may be the only thing you have the power to change right now, but changing yourself can be very powerful—it can initiate change that ripples out and affects everything and everyone around you. If you’d like to do this, you may be wondering how best to figure out what to work on. Most of us have lots of emotions, thoughts, and beliefs left over from previous life events that could be benefitted by Tapping, so how do you know what you should work on today? As long as you don’t choose anything that seems too big or scary, there’s really no wrong answer, but here are a few ways you can land on something that will feel fulfilling to make some progress on right away:
Ask yourself what has been bothering you lately. If we give ourselves a moment, most of us can pretty easily rattle off the things we’re worried, scared, annoyed, angry, or frustrated about at any given time. This does fluctuate, sometimes based on identifiable triggers, and sometimes in ways that are more unconscious and mysterious. Your answer today may be quite different than it was last week. If it’s one big thing, you can Tap on that. If it’s a lot of things, you might want to try the Tap and Rant technique, in which you just Tap through all the points and just vent all of it and how you feel about it.
If you’re focusing on one thing, you can just notice the emotion that bothers you and how it affects your body as you Tap, being as specific as you can about all the sensations you feel. As you Tap, the intensity should come down. You may need to be patient depending on how intense it is, and do multiple rounds of Tapping to get results.
You can also work through an event using the Tell the Story technique, in which you narrate the story of something unpleasant that happened, starting from a neutral place before anything really bothered you, and as soon as you feel any emotion or physical discomfort whatsoever, you pause telling the story and Tap. If you can reduce those feelings to a low number (two or lower on a zero-to-ten scale), then you can resume telling the story and pause to Tap whenever you start to feel anything again at a later point in the story. Once you can tell the story start to finish without feeling much of anything, you’re done with that event!
You can simply scan your body for any discomfort. If you find anything that stands out, you can try Tapping as you voice the sensations. Often what happens as you do this is that the sensation will move and change. After each Tapping round, you can reassess and notice what you feel now. This is called the “Chasing the Pain” technique, and it’s considered one of the Gentle Techniques in EFT. You don’t have to know why you’re feeling the sensation, you just Tap and describe it and how it transforms until hopefully you no longer feel discomfort. How this can be pretty surprising and defy all logic, but often it really helps.
You can also use the Personal Peace Procedure, in which you make notes on a whole bunch of things that bother you, and just pick one each time you Tap to work on. Over time, you can work through them one by one, and you’ll find that even a few minutes a day helps you erase your emotional reactiveness to them and cross things off your list. Eventually you should notice that you feel better and have more energy. Some people like to brainstorm a long list, but that can be overwhelming. You might prefer to just make a short list, and then brainstorm a new one when you finish with those initial items. Trust me, there will always be more to work on!
Remember that as you go, it’s important to be honest about what you feel and not try to force it to change, particularly when it’s at the high end of the intensity scale. If you try to immediately talk yourself out of your feelings as you Tap so you can avoid them, you won’t get good results. It’s necessary to just admit to what’s true and let the Tapping organically change how you feel. Most of the time, it will start to do that naturally within a few rounds.
You may sometimes get stuck at a plateau with something you’re working on. If the intensity came down at all, feel free to call this a win and give yourself a break. You can always come back to it later for another attempt, and sometimes your system needs time to adjust and reveal all the benefits you created.
You may also find that if you’ve worked on something multiple times and you’re not getting anywhere, it’s time for some help. Some things are just tricky to work on, and getting an outside perspective from a practitioner can help you solve the mystery of what’s going on with the right questions and the use of some more advanced techniques.
I hope this helps you venture into more frequent Tapping that will help you survive and thrive in challenging times. What’s better than something you can do anytime, for free, that feels good and supports your short- and long-term balance? Not much in my book!
The Space to Deepen
“How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?”
I don’t know what you’ve been up to lately—we all have our parts to play whether as essential workers in the field, work-at-homers, child care full-timers etc.—but it tends to be universally difficult for humans to be in waiting mode. Even if you’re quite active, you are still, like all of us to some extent, waiting. Waiting to find out when things will start to open up in all the ways we want, when we might have a better sense of what the future holds, and when we’ll be able to relax.
Being in waiting mode makes it less possible to plan, which means that future contemplation is suddenly less immediately relevant. We can play with our ideas for the future, but without solid footing. Plans we make need to remain flexible now. One upside of this is that we can choose to be more anchored in the present at such times, and there’s a bit more space for us to do so. Allowing ourselves to be more fully in each moment means that we may observe more layers in each and find ourselves more tuned into the opportunities that are available to us. We may also be able to just slow down our expectations of ourselves and others and experience an expanded sense of time, which can be relaxing and help us to renew even in the face of uncertainty.
When I’m in waiting mode, one thing I like to do is Tap on old events and patterns, cleaning up outmoded stuff that is cluttering my present and my futures with irrelevant data. (I know this isn’t most people’s idea of fun, but bear with me!) Admittedly, doing this work requires bringing consciousness to old pain and involves some discomfort, but the physical Tapping tends to make any discomfort short lived. Using it to support my timely transformations is deeply comforting and satisfying. When I’ve come out the other side of an old conflict or challenge, I can feel immediately how energy has been freed, and I’m open to new thinking and new experience.
Depending on where you are in your own journey, this kind of work may or may not be available to you on any given day, and I find that following signals about my natural timing rather than fighting them is highly productive. There are times when what is needed is self-soothing and emotional regulation work—daily maintenance and triage in times of challenge. This helps us just get through the day with some sanity and slow the mind at the end of the day enough to get the restful sleep we need to support healthy functioning on all levels. Depending on what we need on any given day, there are Tapping techniques that support it. I find that time spent putting the techniques into practice is one of the most meaningful, and productive, parts of my day. Not to mention that over time, the work we do builds until life just feels easier, because we build confidence in our own ability to gracefully handle what may arise in both our internal and external lives.
If you’ve been forgetting to use it, this is your reminder to do at least a few minutes of Tapping every day if you want to see how much better you can start to feel in a short amount of time. I’m in many ways a pragmatist, and EFT is my favorite because it works! Once you get the hang of it, it provides nearly instant gratification much of the time, as you calm your body, mind, emotions, and feel more of your true self or spirit no matter where you’re starting from. Times of waiting can provide space for taking on deeper healing work if you feel safe to do so, and these times can end up being a springboard for renewal—foundations for creating more future potential when it’s time to move forward again.
Melting that Stress Away
This week I want to share an article about a recent study on the efficacy of EFT on stress relief. This study replicates a previous one that showed a significant decrease in cortisol (one of the main stress hormones) production, with an even better average result. This confirms what anyone who has actually learned and used Tapping knows, that it quickly helps to relieve stress and calm the body and mind. On the right side of the above linked page, you can access other studies about EFT’s efficacy as well. You may not want to wile away your day perusing these articles for fun, but if you need a reminder about why it’s highly practical to spend some time becoming comfortable with Tapping and weaving it into your daily routine, perhaps these articles will provide that for you. It’s my hope that you will use this incredible simple, free, supportive range of tools for your benefit always, but particularly at times of high stress and uncertainty, like the ones we’re living through right now.
Need reminder about how to do it? Head over to this page. It only takes a few minutes per day to start practicing and gaining confidence that you can improve your moods and functioning across the board with these techniques. A lot of people have more time right now, so you may have a perfect opportunity to spend a little time each day using Tapping to decrease your stress and clear your slate for a better day, no matter what you have going on. I would never want to be without the ability Tapping gives me to completely change how I feel about my current challenges in just minutes, and I hope it brings you the same kind of solace.
Wait...I Can't Do That Either!
“Having hit a wall, the next logical step is not to bang our heads against it.”
While so many of us are at home doing our part to keep a massive public health hazard from getting worse, we’re all confronting new issues we’ve never seen before. The challenges of this time are many, and for some of us, truly overwhelming—the financial challenges of not working, or the time crunches of having to work and suddenly take care of children at the same time, the need to find new ways to connect with family and friends to stave off loneliness, changes in diet depending on what’s stocked at the grocery store, the shock of such rapid change, and a general sense of fear and uncertainty around how much worse all of this might get. Yet this time is not without solace either, as suddenly we spend less time commuting and with the usual busy-ness we’ve grown accustomed to, and many of those we love have a bit more time to connect. Relationships are being rekindled. There are cultural offerings we have access to that can bring some unusual pleasures to our lives. There may be more time for rest and reflection, or for health and wellness and fitness activities, as well as novel educational activities, if we can find the will to use it productively.
While I don’t know your situation, I do have some ideas for you that may support your balance right now, so here goes:
Extend patience to yourself and others now to the very best of your ability. Everyone is dealing with whiplash born of circumstances that have had no parallel in our lifetimes. We’re all giving up freedoms we’ve previously taken for granted because they were so commonplace, and it’s uncomfortable, perhaps in the extreme. Everyone responds differently, but it’s completely normal during such times to have ups and downs that defy logic and require flexibility as we figure out how to cope.
Everyone you know could use a check-in and a kind word from you, and even better, some time during which you consciously listen to how they’re doing, for good or ill. Human contact is incredibly important for everyone sanity, and it’s a gift that having more time on your hands may enable you to give more easily at this time.
Before you mindlessly plunk yourself down to binge watch another series, take time often to actually think about how you’d like to be spending your time. There’s nothing wrong with filling some of your time with entertainment, but maybe there are projects you never normally have time for that now would be the perfect time to tackle. What’s been dragging at you that you might like to fix? Is there something you’ve been wanting to learn? A closet you want to clear out? There’s no need to go overboard with these projects, but you might find that moving some of them forward is fulfilling, and something you’ll be grateful for when you’re back out in the world. Make sure you make room for things of this nature if you want to accomplish them.
Constantly confronting limitations can be frustrating and exhausting. When you have a bad day, give yourself some space to come around. When we drive ourselves too hard, parts of us rebel, and it can be actually more efficient to allow ourselves to breathe rather than doubling down on cracking the whip.
Renewal looks different to everyone. Introverts might be in heaven now with all the staying home, but extroverts may be struggling without constant socializing. Whatever would make this time feel well spent to you, try to sneak some of that into every day so that you’re sustaining yourself with high-yield activities that really do the trick for you and your needs. This is a great time to learn more about what really makes you happy, even if some of things can’t happen right now.
For instance, love travel? Spend some time researching places you’ve always wanted to go. Then when you’re finally free to take your next trip, you’ll know exactly what you want. Same for anything else you’d like to do, but that requires research.
Institute some sort of practice that helps you stay sane, whether that’s meditation or prayer, physical activity undertaken mindfully, art projects or other creative endeavors, journaling, spiritual meet-ups, or Tapping.
If you find yourself floundering, remember that there’s a lot of help available to you, both through people you know who are stuck at home and through organizations that are continuing to function. You’re not alone, though it can feel like that. Make sure you reach out for help if you need it.
We may be feeling pretty pent up, thwarted and stuck right now, and that’s pretty normal in the current circumstances, but there are opportunities here as well. We can’t control world events, but we do have at least some choice in how we handle ourselves within them. With some thought, you may find any number of ideas to perk up your daily experience until we’ve all come out the other side and can resume a more normal slate of activities.
So Much Togetherness
“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”
If you are in one of the many places in the world that are self-isolating right now, then you have been experiencing multiple challenges. One of those is a LOT more time with family and pets who may be used to having a lot more space and alone time. I came across an article on how to keep the peace with you loved ones, and I thought I’d share it for your health and enjoyment!
You can find that here. In addition, know that anytime we undergo big changes to our routines and have to turn on a dime as we have recently, it’s very normal to feel confused, overwhelmed, frustrated, afraid, annoyed, and to be tempted to lash out at others. That doesn’t tend to go well, though, so I suggest you plan to do extra work on yourself and your inner life right now. Taking a little of the time you normally spend on commuting, doing errands, attending social engagements, etc. to do calming activities like taking a bath, writing in a journal, reading a good book, or Tapping can be a huge help in managing all the rapid change you’ve been enduring. Life will begin to pick up again at some point, but for now, don’t try to pretend this isn’t hard.
Find a Furry Friend
“Animals are such agreeable friends—they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.”
There’s so much for us all to be keeping up with right now that I wanted to make it brief again this week, but of course I still want to share some helpful information with you. I came across an article about how pets can help us maintain mental health, so I’m including that below. If you’re not a pet person, there are some cues you can take from it about benefits that could be generated in other ways, like playing with a human you love instead of an animal, so just read it with an open mind even if you don’t share your home with a pet.
Basically, humans are social creatures, and we feel good when we interact peacefully with other living beings. During these stressful times, make sure you’re reaching out to check in on friends, family members, and neighbors, and if you have the opportunity, make more of an effort that usual to play with and appreciate time with an animal. You’ll see here that it’s good for you!
Some Research on Positive Results of Tapping
“If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.”
This week, I know many of us are dealing with changes to our everyday routines due to public health imperatives, so I’ll keep it short and sweet. At times like this when we’re under all kinds of stress due to global events and distressing local realities, we really need to be managing our inner lives in order to stay healthy (in addition to following the guidance of public health experts, of course). In case you still haven’t gotten up and running with Tapping, below are some links that show evidence of how much it can help our bodies to adapt positively in a variety of situations. If you know someone else who is on the fence about it because it seems strange at first glance, you might want to pass along these links to them. Even if you do Tap regularly, you still might want to check out some of this information, as it’s always interesting to see how others are succeeding with Tapping. Now’s the time for all of us to be using these amazing, free techniques to keep ourselves in the game.
EFT International's Research Page
EFT Universe Science and Research Page
The Tapping Solution's Research Page
I hope you find these links helpful, and I wish you peace and health as we all navigate these strange times in which we find ourselves. Have a safe and sane week!
Links Between Emotions and Health
“Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors.”
Sometimes I like to lob scientific developments at my readers, particularly when I come across a study that has to do with the links between mind or emotions and physical health, because I think a true understanding of these is only beginning to dawn on the scientific community. To those outside of it, the concept of these links may seem pretty common sense, but it takes a long time for new ideas to be accepted through scientific experimentation. For those of you who enjoy a good scientific read, I’m attaching a research article here that you may find enticing. For those whose idea of bedtime reading is not a technical report about an experiment, let me just give you some takeaways from this article.
“People who experience warmer, more upbeat emotions live longer and healthier lives.”
“a recent longitudinal field experiment designed to test Fredrickson’s…broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions found that individuals randomly assigned to self-generate positive emotions reported experiencing fewer headaches and less chest pain, congestion, and weakness compared with a control group (Fredrickson, Cohn, Coffey, Pek, & Finkel, 2008). These first causal data lend support to the conclusion suggested by prospective correlations: Positive emotions build physical health.”
“Intriguingly, recent prospective evidence suggests that the causal link between positive emotions and physical health may run in the opposite direction as well: Physical health appears to promote positive emotions. “
Scientific evidence is growing that people who report feeling more positive emotions and less time spent in negative ones enjoy better health. I draw your attention to this not to vilify the having of emotions, which is a very normal part of human experience (there’s way too much of this going on already) but to suggest that if you want to remain healthy for as long as possible, you must pay attention to your emotional life and do what you can to lighten your load of unpleasant emotions in appropriate ways. Just ignoring your emotions and trying to pretend that if you deny the uncomfortable ones they will go away does not count! Doing that only causes them to build pressure inside you, until they worsen your quality of life and are impossible to ignore.
Having a toolbox of methods for dealing with your emotions is part of maintaining your physical health, so how about we prioritize learning these tools? If you haven’t yet learned how to Tap, there’s no time like the present! Check out the information here to learn the basics and start learning to work with your emotions in positive and health-affirming ways. Have a healthy week!
A Simple Way Toward All the Good Stuff
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
If you’re reading this, it’s at least partly because you like finding ways to make your life better, happier, and more inspiring through methods that only require a reasonable, doable amount of effort. Am I right? In this spirit, this week, I wanted to pass on a link to an article about something that is simple, yet so powerful in helping you to feel better about your life almost instantly.
There’s a lot more research happening these days on the powers of our behavior, including the internal behaviors of our thoughts and emotions. In this article, we get a short summary on some of the scientific findings about the power of making compassion an intentional part of our lives. Sometimes a simple outlook shift can change everything for the better, and prioritizing compassion is one of the most lauded shifts we can make. Compassion is referred to throughout human history across time, place, and culture as one of the most important components of a life well lived. If you want to increase your satisfaction, your relationships, your overall happiness, not to mention your contribution to making the world a better place, this is a shortcut that you can implement anytime for free just by how you think, and it opens the door to the creation of supportive action and habits.
A few thoughts from me:
Practicing compassion requires us to become aware of and care about another’s experience. This takes us out of ourselves and gives us a break from worrying about our own issues.
Humans are naturally social, and wired to help others. Problems arise when we over-give, so keeping an eye on balance is important, but when we’re in balance, sharing and giving feel great.
When we give in a way that answers what another truly needs, everyone’s happiness is amplified. Keying into what someone else needs may require putting aside our own opinions and preferences. If this is hard for you, Tapping can help you find your calm, centered place. From there, you will be more easily able to hear clearly and let the other person express themselves without jumping in with your own preconceptions. As mentioned above, prioritizing someone else’s needs may be a challenge, but it can also be a relief.
Listening is highly educational. You just might find that when you put a bit more attention on listening, you’ll learn a whole lot about how others think and experience the world, not to mention other random topics they’re concerned about, which may be interesting as well.
True leadership starts with listening, and if you both listen and act on what you hear with compassion (without losing yourself, because you’re an essential part of any interaction), you’ll be able to build a better life for yourself and begin to lead others to better things as well. How can you listen compassionately to someone else this week?