Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it. ”
Leaving behind a love partnership can be one of the greatest challenges you’ll ever face. If you know that it’s not a good match, for whatever reason, though, you must do so in order to make room for the rest of your life to renew itself and open up new possibilities. Whatever seems to be the case now, you can feel zestful, joyful, and happy again. Your efforts to move on will need to span these categories:
Emotional. You likely have wonderful memories you’re having trouble remembering without pain; you also probably have sad memories about the way things ended. In order to really process these emotions rather than just sweeping them under the rug, I recommend EFT, or Tapping. It’s tremendously useful in helping to come to a place of inner peace and soothe the sting of difficult emotions. You may also find that journaling helps, or talking to a supportive friend who can help you affirm that things will get better, as well as have some fun and normalcy in the midst of your upset.
Mental. Your mental habits play a huge role in creating your emotional states. You can learn and practice over time choosing more positive thoughts and framing. This won’t really work if you’re not managing your emotions, but when you do both, it can be astonishing how quickly you can feel better (though grieving is a personal process, and I’m not suggesting that the goal is to rush through it). At first, just notice how often you’re allowing yourself to dwell on negative thoughts. Then, practice just turning over each thought with a slightly more positive spin. Meditation is great for helping you to slow down your thoughts enough to be able to do these things. When you first start working on this, you will probably be shocked with how hard it is, but it is so worth the effort. You really do have the power to think and feel differently over time.
Spiritual. I believe that the value of each human being is inestimable, people are basically good, and life can and should be enjoyed, as long as we take care as best we can not to harm others. What are some of your most positive spiritual beliefs? Refocusing on these will help you to remember what feels most true and good about you and others, and may help you to tap into a tremendous well of inspiration that can help guide you forward when life is difficult. Writing these down and reading them at least once per day keeps returning you to the joyful expression of your core beliefs. This is so easy, yet so powerful.
Physical. Your body and its health plays a huge role in your daily experience of life. Acknowledging that you’re worthy of self-care and taking daily steps to gift yourself with good nutrition, rest and sleep habits, and appropriate exercise is absolutely key in keeping your self going throughout challenge. There is so much joy in feeling fit, flexible and at home in your body. Don’t leave that on the table. Even when you’re happily in a loving relationship, if you let this area slide, it will drag your happiness downward, so you might as well take the opportunity when you’re alone and undistracted to build good habits here.
Affirming Actions. Find things to do that make you feel better and that grant you perspective. Laugh at good comedy (nothing too mean). Volunteer to help with any cause you care about. Get out into nature and walk, run, hike, bike, etc. Go look at beautiful things in museums. Enjoy thoughtfully crafted books, movies, music.
Please do everything you can to be loving to yourself at this time. We all go through sad times in life. This is not who you are, nor does it mean that there’s something wrong with you. As we grow and change, circumstances in our lives will continue to transform, and that’s ok; getting used to this idea is an important element in acquiring wisdom. There is a great deal of life waiting for you whenever you feel ready to allow it in again. Keep taking care of yourself, and you eventually will.