Being Stuck ≠ Failure
“Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.”
Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a project that started to seem like it would never end? In my experience, this is what stops people from getting to their goals more often than anything else. Once you start telling yourself that you'll never arrive where you want to go, your energy and creativity will dissipate, and you'll probably quit on your project and feel like you failed.
Most likely, what actually happened there is that you encountered a problem you didn't know how to solve. That's it. Nothing irreparable happened, you just couldn't see a way forward, you panicked, and you jumped to a conclusion that may not have been true. The problem isn't that you had the thought that your project was over—we all get discouraged sometimes—the problem is that you didn't have the coping mechanisms in place to weather the emotional storm and come back to the table in a sufficiently calm and creative state to rejig your plan.
This happens to the best of us, but it doesn't have to be a permanent state of affairs. We fall into this pattern and then do what we do for a few main reasons. Once you understand what they are, you can review them when you feel stuck to see which one applies, and most likely find a way around the problem.
- Reflexive self-judgment. This is a bad habit we pick up from others when we're young, and if we don't find a way to arrest it, it remains a corrosive force in our lives. One of the reasons regular meditation can be so helpful is that the mind naturally has a tendency to assess and judge—that's what it's good at, and it's a helpful talent! Unfortunately, humans also have a tendency to believe that the mind is the totality of who we are. It makes sense, after all, given that the mind is a loud, constant voice that is always demanding our attention. Until you learn to calm it down, it's difficult to hear from the body, the heart (emotional self) or the spirit. Becoming aware that the analytical messages from your mind are not absolute truth, and can and should be rejected purposefully if they're not helpful, is a skill that takes some doing. It's also necessary if you're going to get out from under the thumb of the negative self-talk that the mind will blare at you when you're uncertain about what to do next.
- We have evolved to be highly risk averse. This also makes a lot of sense when staying alive is a daily struggle, but for people in developed countries that are not in the midst of war or other constant violence, our first reactions may be unnecessarily limiting; being outside one's comfort zone and trying new things can bring up intense fear that may be irrational, but has the power to stop us nonetheless. One of the reasons I love Tapping so much is that it can assist us in calming this fear/stress response when it's clearly not necessary or appropriate for the reality we're facing.
- The gap between who we currently are and who we'd need to become in order to finish the project seems too large, and we get overwhelmed. In order to progress in any process, we need to be able to toggle back and forth between the big-picture view and the granular view in which only the next task is primary. If we only look at the big picture, it's easy to become overwhelmed with the sum total of all things you still need to do, some of which you probably don't have any idea how to do yet. On the other hand, if you get too bogged down in the details, you'll start to get annoyed, lose inspiration, and want to throw in the towel. You need to remember that other tasks are coming, some of which will be more fun, and refocus on what you're doing it all for. A little fantasizing about reaching the goal can bring back the positivity you need. Knowing which view is most helpful at any given time takes practice, and it's a skill that, like any other, can be learned. We can also choose to get help with parts of a project we don't want to do! There's no rule that we have to struggle in silence, though we may have become convinced by someone else's poor belief system that receiving help is a sign of weakness. Cooperation helps everyone to win bigger and faster. It's smart to leverage it when you have the opportunity. Find someone with knowledge to share, find a buddy to help you stay motivated, find a coach or adviser to review overall strategy and implementation, or find a partner to share the burden and the glory of your project. Frustration and overwhelm can both be improved by teaming up with others.
These may not be the only things you feel stop your progress, but I bet they cover a lot of your most treacherous ground. Giving up on a project completely, or for the foreseeable future, may very rarely be a wise choice, but most of the time it leads to unnecessary heartbreak and disappointment that can be hard to recover from. Before you consider quitting, take some time to breathe, think, rest, and allow your creativity to return. There's probably a solution if you're willing to persist.