Are You Your Mind?
“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.”
In working with clients, I often find that it’s difficult for them initially to connect with their emotions and their bodies. Our culture clings to the virtues of logic and mental activity, sometimes to the exclusion of all else. When we’re young, one of the primary ways we get attention is through succeeding in school at feats of memorization, math, and reading comprehension (or by failing spectacularly in these areas). As we get older, the pressures toward mental achievement grow, and overall success markers like money often flow to those who can conceal emotion and physical needs, and operate, seemingly, solely in the realm of the mental. This societal conditioning may cause us to conceal and deny body, heart, and spirit until they are so isolated that we ourselves believe them to be irrelevant to our happiness and fulfillment—nice if you have time to be self-indulgent, but kind of a waste of time.
Getting clients to tune back into these aspects of self is a process. Noticing and acknowledging the validity of emotions and what they are telling us; awareness of how these emotions affect our physical bodies in the short and long term; the ability to see the ways in which our thoughts and actions contribute to and can solve emotional and physical discomfort; these are learned skills. They can be learned in a surprisingly short time frame, though, if it becomes clear that this is a highly practical and enjoyable pursuit, worthy of time and effort invested. My clients are often delighted at what happens when they allow some initial awkwardness with the process of getting to know their emotions and follow the unfolding of revelations that ensue. When you start to experience firsthand the fruits of honoring your emotions and desires, there’s a rush of exhilaration, empowerment, and optimism that often arises. When you see that you have the ability to harness the wisdom of your neglected parts, a joyful and holistic confidence sprouts. When you know that you can actually DO something about how you feel about your life and your ability to craft your future, new ideas about your potential, and how to solve your most knotty problems, start to bubble up to the surface.
When you first try to get specific about what’s troubling you in any given area, you may run up against all kinds of resistance. You might feel overwhelmed, like if you start to open that Pandora’s Box you’ll become completely overtaken by the volume of what’s been hiding there. You might be convinced that this whole thing is dumb and definitely won’t help you. You might feel uncomfortable because trying something new is always a bit of a challenge. Or you might just find the slippery, ethereal realm of emotion to be confusing because things refuse to stand still as you observe. I encourage you to be patient and keep trying little bits at a time. At some point you notice that you’re starting to recognize pieces of the landscape, and it doesn’t feel so foreign anymore. As you relax and sink into following a process, whether it’s Tapping or something else, you make progress. You understand yourself and others in new ways. You’re able to clear out old stuff from the past that’s been cluttering up your inner world.
The benefits of welcoming your emotions, heart, and spirit back into the room are hard to overstate. Living as a well-integrated human makes so much more of your innate capacity available to you. It helps relieve stress by broadening your perspective and dialing up your creativity. It helps you to admit when the mysterious, non-linear parts of you know something your mind doesn’t, like whether a particular course of action is right for you. It helps to remind you of what gives your life a sense of purpose, and the ways in which just being alive is enjoyable. When you’re living your life trying to do everything with your mind, it’s like trying to navigate with a compass that only ever points north. So take a look around and notice all the directions. Even if you don’t know what to do with them yet, just starting to take them in opens up a whole new world; once you’ve explored it, it will be less exotic and unreachable, and more productive of joyous dimension in your life experience.