So Much Happier Blog
Where the Mind Can't Go
“You’ll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.”
Lately, without even trying, I seem to be seeing a lot of advice everywhere about using logic to think your way to every solution. I’ve heard people vilify emotions as “not real,” confusing temptations, and distractions that entrap the weak. There’s nothing new about this, because frankly, it’s all most people have ever been taught; what is new (to us in this century, anyway) is the idea that your emotional world actually has a useful purpose in your overall health and wholeness. This used to be more of an accepted common-sense principle, but from the advent of the idea of rigorous scientific thought came the collective decision to generally discount, and even bash, anything that could not be mechanistically explained and proven. In fact, in the last hundred years or so in which quantum physics experimentation has yielded some pretty wild and seemingly inexplicable results, many scientists have ignored or actively resisted this particular kind of scientific rigor because it’s just too challenging to their mechanistic beliefs. Unfortunately for society, so are emotions. So they’ve been painted as ridiculous, useless dead ends. Never mind that they’re key to maintaining overall health, most current science wants to write them off as random products of chemical reactions, all sound and fury signifying nothing. Sigh.
Don’t buy the hype. Yes, mental rigor and the exercise of sound logic can do much to improve our lives. But no, they are absolutely not the right tool for every job. If you think they are, you will allow your mind to spin in overdrive so that you can’t sleep or rest mentally because you’re always trying desperately to be multiple steps ahead of everything. You’ll have a hard time being aware of, and thus taking proper care of, your body. You’ll be almost unable to be “in the moment,” aware of who and what is all around you, able to take advantage of the opportunities available to you in that unique moment before they’re gone. You’ll find yourself feeling bereft of meaning and purpose, spun every which way by your mind’s attempts to explain everything—even that which is mysterious and not inherently linear. If you are dealing with any of the following, you will not be able to “convince” yourself out of your issue:
Heartbreak. We love and lose, whether because it was time for a relationship to end or change, or because someone died and we no longer have them available to us physically. These endings can be one of the hardest things to deal with in a lifetime, and the mind can’t solve the pain of them. We can learn to think more positively about them, but the emotions and desires that come up around them must be dealt with head on if they are not to ruin our life vitality and outlook.
Trauma. Thinking and talking about truly traumatic experiences can help us in some ways, but only somatic (body-based) techniques tend to really lighten the load permanently. Of these, the best I’ve encountered is EFT, because it’s among the most effective, it’s a self-help technique that is within your control to benefit from at any time and in any area that you feel safe confronting on your own, and because it encompasses so many different techniques that can be modified to best fit your situation. Sometimes working with a practitioner is the best thing, but there’s much relief you can create with it yourself.
Ingrained Fears. No amount of rationalizing will unwind major fears. Again, it’s techniques involving the body and the subconscious that seem able to get at where our biggest, most intractable fears reside.
Emotional Habits. While thinking and talking about your long-held patterns can help you to understand where they came from and to feel heard, you may need to find a way to allow an emotional release in order to be able to fully move beyond old patterns and create new ones.
Spiritual or Values-Based Conundrums. Sometimes logic is very helpful in looking at how to resolve conflicts of values, but sometimes they need to be felt through with the heart and in cooperation with the whispers from your spirit. As you contemplate these, the mind will tend to spit out judgmental, final-sounding solutions based on what you’ve learned from others throughout your life. Only when you have the courage to find your own solution, one that expresses your own truth and the messages you have to share with the world, will you find peace in the midst of such contradiction.
Some of the principles that will make your experience of life most meaningful, such as being guided by love, thoughtfulness, compassion, and contributing to the creation of a better world (principles that underlie most religious and moral systems of thought, by the way) are not always logical and linear. They involve truths exhibited by signals you receive from your body, mind, and spirit, and these form a complex web that can reveal what’s most important to you even you’d rather not admit it. Minimizing or fighting the existence of these other parts of self, other than rational thought, is a recipe for unhappiness. If you learn to listen to yourself on all of your natural human levels, you find your way forward to wholistic solutions. You progress in a way that feels authentic and respectful of you as well as of others who might be involved in your process.
For Your Health
“The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life - mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical.”
This week I’m keeping it short and sweet, sharing an article about why repressing emotion is not the way to go. Think on this quote from the article: “…a 2013 study by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester showed people who bottled up their emotions increased their chance of premature death from all causes by more than 30%, with their risk of being diagnosed with cancer increasing by 70%.” Yikes! While I believe that practicing and supporting your own happiness is an incredibly important goal, if you’re not setting aside time for it, maybe this insight will spur your interest in actually making time to work on your emotional health. If you’ve been reading for any length of time, you know that I’m a big fan of Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques, in my case), but there are many helpful ways to address how you feel on a daily basis. Whatever allows you to express what’s true for you and hopefully have some fun in the process, get out there and do it this week! It’s important not just for your happiness, but for your long-term health.
Making Peace with Mistakes
“A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.”
Hate making mistakes? Hard on yourself for every little thing you drop, forget, or struggle with? Well, join the club! Despite the fact that making mistakes is an inevitable part of the human condition, prevailing cultures often tell us in a variety of ways that they are unacceptable (as are we when we make them). Right from when we’re born, we may get yelled at or disciplined by overwhelmed, sleep-deprived parents for crying, which is our only method of communicating at this point. Or for any behavior that’s difficult for the parent to handle, even if it’s totally normal. In school, we may get in trouble for mistakes, as well as any non-conformist behavior. Anyone outside our family may have very different expectations of children, and make nasty comments or give us the stink eye in an attempt to dominate and control us when they see us as unruly. Parents struggling to make ends meet may communicate in many small ways that the stakes are high across the board, and the family can’t afford to make any missteps. Even if adults think their actions reflect valid concerns, and are intended for our own good, we get the message over and over that stepping out of line is a mistake—and making mistakes puts us in danger by removing the good will of those who feed and protect us. This perceived danger can feel terrifyingly real.
The obvious fly in the ointment is that no one can avoid making mistakes—it’s just not possible! Setting up expectations of perfection creates an awful, impossible standard. When we’re too young to think for ourselves, we blindly take on this expectation of ourselves as it’s fed to us. This sets up a poisonous relationship with our self-image that festers in the subconscious, where this tension remains as an invisible, unconsidered habit. The consequences to our happiness and success can be devastating until we are able to consciously see this dichotomy for what it is, and decide to reject it. We then have to do the hard work of unmaking the old habit and forging new ones.
Unfortunately, though, we aren’t likely to get a whole lot of support in this. Most people have been taught patterns of self-shaming, which makes them unsympathetic to anyone who is trying to break free. Considered or not, their reaction may be, “Everyone tries to make me feel bad about myself. Why should you get off scot free? You think you’re so much better than I am?” Some people will try to shame us for their own ends, as a way to grab power and manipulate us. From a practical standpoint, this actually isn’t surprising—it’s one of the most effective tactics out there for those unscrupulous enough to use it deliberately. It’s also what they’ve been taught to do through observation of others. If you want to break the old habit of reflexive self-shaming, you’ll need to be willing to stand up to a firestorm of resistance from yourself and others, all of which may tempt you to think you’re a bad person because you’re not perfect. But you never have been and never will be perfect while you’re alive, because again, this is what it is to be human. “Perfection” is impossible, and while we’re at it, thoroughly subjective! You know, just in case this isn’t all confusing enough.
In the process of working through your tendency to be reflexively, immediately horrified and deeply frightened by making a mistake, you will be confronting a depth of feeling that is uncomfortable to say the least. To get yourself through this process, I recommend that you do a lot of Tapping! Whenever you make even a small mistake, let yourself notice how you feel instead of trying to ignore it, and Tap down the worst of your upset. When you do this repeatedly, the idea that you don’t have to be perfect to be good and to deserve happiness will start to sound more true, more normal. Yes, plan to atone for ways in which your mistakes have affected others, but know that this too becomes easier when you Tap. When you’re not being crushed under the weight of your own emotions, it’s possible to empathize with someone else even when you’re the one causing them difficulty. It becomes less tempting for you to remain defensive. You may create a greater capacity for compassion and listening, and more willingness to stop trying to hold others in your life to impossible standards as well. Note that as always, if you get hung up at any point, you may want to find instruction to get beyond a plateau, or consult a professional if you need assistance with anything traumatic.
Beyond improving your tendency toward overreaction, and despite the fact that this may seem out of reach at the moment, you may also find that you can come to value some opportunities that mistakes may afford, such as:
This drives parents nuts, but some things we only truly learn through experience. Sometimes you can dole out advice you’re blue in the face, but it won’t do anyone any good! People may need to see a situation play out in real time with an emotional punch to understand what it all means. Some things will only sink in on a deep level when we make a mistake. Then, we’ll never forget the lesson because it was so vivid.
Sometimes creative ideas come to us in the process of trial and error. By getting into the game even when we’re nowhere near perfection, we start up an engine of feedback that can spark all manner of new perspectives and surprising solutions that we would not have produced through thought experiments alone
Through mistakes, we can learn humility by being reminded of our imperfections and the validity of others’ viewpoints. We sometimes need to be slowed down and shaken out of our ruts in order to see and absorb the wisdom of them.
Despite a learned tendency to be hard on yourself, you can learn to accept your imperfection and find peace with human errors. Maybe you’ve never credited all the ways in which mistakes have saved you from experiencing far worse things because of past experience. Take a moment now and think about this: In what ways have you learned from your mistakes throughout your life, what have they saved you from, and how can you remember to appreciate what you’ve learned? By changing the stories you tell to include this appreciation, you can build the habit of seeing mistakes as broadening experiences that may hold greater blessings than you would ever have thought in the first flush of realization. When you’re less afraid of your own harsh judgment, you’re less afraid of a messy existence in which you can try, fail, learn, and succeed—then rinse and repeat.
"Stuff" That's Not Yours
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.”
Unless you’re a hermit on a mountaintop, you have to deal with the ups and downs of the other people in your life, and surrounding you on this planet. Doing so is one of the biggest long-term challenges we face. I mean, imagine if everyone else in the world was completely at peace, and all you had to worry about was your own thoughts, emotions, and projects! Life would surely be a lot simpler! Come to think of it, that’s a pretty nice fantasy that might rank up there with an endless beach vacation. But it sure isn’t the life we live.
In reality, all the people around us are striving and often struggling with plenty of their own challenges. They’ve built up a lifetime of experiences that influence them in the present. They are working through confusion and old, unprocessed emotions just as we are. Even if they’re all doing their utter best, being around them won’t always be easy. You know how sometimes you can walk into a room and just feel immediately that there’s a dangerous charge in the air? Or take one look at someone’s face and realize that you’ve landed in the middle of a whole situation not of your making? Uh oh. Now what do you do?
There are, of course, many ways to react to someone else’s outpouring of emotion. Many of them are not terribly helpful, and you’ve probably tried and failed enough in this arena to know exactly what I mean. Sometimes it seems like you just can’t win around others’ big emotions! The good news is that, the more you do your own work on how you feel about your own old stuff, the easier it is not to be inappropriately drawn into other people’s emotions about theirs. It’s not that you’ll lose your ability to be compassionate, and offer that person empathy regarding their situation, but you won’t be automatically dragged down by what they’re experiencing. This is much better for everyone. You won’t be exhausted by reflexively getting upset whenever someone around you is; you’ll also stay more resourceful when someone else is in need. They can go through their own experiences while having someone more stable in the room, who can better support them for not having metaphorically jumped into the hole with them. Everything becomes a bit easier when you can be calmer. When you don’t immediately get upset around someone emotional, you have a lot more leeway to find better options for responding.
The best way I’ve ever found to de-fang our knee-jerk responses to others’ emotional overwhelm is to use Tapping to work on past events from our lives that still rankle and form the stuff of our greatest regrets and resentments. We all make mistakes, and so do the people who have come into contact with us at every point in our lives. Even someone who has lived the tamest possible life will have collected some unfortunate, hurtful experiences. Some people will have many more. Tapping doesn’t erase bad memories, but it does make them a lot less painful, and it also helps us to put them into healthier context. This, in turn, makes it easier to understand and forgive the others involved so that we can feel free of limitations that came into being as a direct result of those experiences.
You’re always going to be aware of other people’s emotional stuff, but you can build your ability not to be too distressed by someone else’s emotional state when it has little or nothing to do with you. People who are addicted to drama might not like your new, calmer demeanor, but only you get to decide what level of emotional involvement is right and balanced for you in any situation. As long as you’re still able to offer sympathy and caring, most people will appreciate your ability to remain grounded and open rather than reactive around their emotions. This frees them to feel as they do without worrying that you are very negatively impacted, and outbursts become easier for everyone to deal with and recover from. When we fear emotions less, they can become the useful signposts they are meant to be, and we can all live more balanced lives together.
Remembering to Tap
“All the things that are worth doing take time. ”
Do you “forget” to Tap? I have noticed that, even when someone has become aware of the usefulness of a tool such as Tapping, s/he is likely to remain resistant to using it consistently. While there may be many reasons for this (the pace of modern life, which makes it hard to find time for new endeavors; the fact that new habits take time to take hold; a societal notion that devoting time to self-care is profoundly selfish; etc.), I think one of the most limiting reasons is the human tendency to resist anything unpleasant—and emotions are often initially unpleasant. In fact, that’s part of their most basic value! They pack a punch! They have the power to get our attention, flagging us down when our own values are being violated to an unacceptable extent. We could be using them as an early warning signal that some action is appropriate, decide what needs to be done, and do it. It’s so simple, really. Instead, we’ve been miseducated to revile, deny and stuff down any hint of normal emotion until it builds up and explodes, or slowly, silently contributes to the development of long-term illness. Not exactly the stuff of genius.
It’s true that in order to work with your emotions, it’s necessary to become conscious of them. You don’t have to dive in and wallow, but you do need to allow awareness of your emotions to rise to the level of your conscious mind. In doing so, you will experience some discomfort. But you experience emotional discomfort anyway in the course of a normal day—you just don’t normally make room to address emotions when they arise within a constructive framework. When you intentionally open a path for your emotions to communicate with you, and then Tap through what shows up, you relieve any building pressure, free up previously trapped energy for more useful purposes, and gain clarity on what you want and how you might create it.
Back to the initial discomfort of actually allowing yourself to feel your emotions, then. When you start your Tapping process, you may need to just acknowledge that you’re not enjoying yourself. It’s ok to start with something like, “I hate this,” or “I feel selfish,” or “I feel ridiculous.” Once you get going, you should find that the emotions you’re working on reduce in intensity until it’s more of a relief to Tap on them. Instead of waiting until they’re debilitating, you’ll find yourself more drawn to early intervention. With practice, you’ll build confidence that when you take a little time for Tapping, the initial rush of emotion you uncover will soon become a source of helpful insights, and wane to more manageable levels.
When you know that you’re not powerless in the face of your more difficult emotions, working with them becomes, if not a pleasure, at least a far more fulfilling part of your life. Even if I know that I’m about to choose an experience in which I’m going to need to rant and rave, or cry, or realize my own misdeeds while I Tap, I would prefer to regularly do that than to bottle everything up to avoid these moments. I’ve learned to look forward to the catharsis and the calm I experience afterward, as well as the physical relaxation that replaces the stress and tension of avoidance. Not to mention my evolution toward a calmer, more resourceful resting state, which allows me to live my daily life without such wild swings of unnecessarily loud emotion.
If you’ve been reading for a while, and you still avoid Tapping, ask yourself why. Whatever your reason, I promise that it’s Tappable! Start with that, and when you’ve reduced it, pick something else that’s bothering you and Tap away. So much more calmness and peace await you!
Want To "Get Even"?
“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. ”
Last week we took a look at the process of letting go of things that no longer belong in your life. This week, I wanted to talk about one of the main reasons why we cling to painful events that are already gone. As I mentioned last week, it’s rare that we leave a highly charged situation feeling fully resolved, at peace, and free of it. Usually there’s some piece of it that seems unresolved, confusing, connected to other events in your past in a complicated web, or plain unjust. If you perceive that an injustice was done to you (or even someone else), it may be extra difficult to move on and let go of any lingering ill effects of that situation on your outlook, beliefs, happiness and health. You may obsess about what could or should have happened then, or what comeuppance an offending party should experience. If you’re stuck feeling unable to let go of a situation that is long gone, here are some thoughts on how to move in that direction.
Mentally, try to notice when you’re obsessing about a past event and what you wish could have happened. Just becoming aware of the habit will help point out which past events still drag at your daily existence. Knowing that you have a problem is the first step! See if you can isolate what really still gets your goat about it so you know what exactly you’ll need to work on. Practice remembering that revenge fantasies only keep you tied to this event and reinforce its power over you by stirring up your emotions every time you think of it. They’re also not helping anyone, because carrying them out is a bad choice unless you want to go to jail, and when they’re only in your mind, they only hurt you. Decide if it’s time to really commit to taking back your power over this by processing old emotions, learning lessons, and moving forward more positively. Take note of any beliefs you took on as a result of this event. Are you ready to let go of what you’ve decided this means and allow for the possibility that your perspective on it could change? Would you like to consistently feel better about it?
When you’ve decided that it’s time, you’ll now need to focus on what’s bothering you about this past event and zero in on the emotions that come up around it. I think Tapping is the best for this work, so let’s imagine that you’re going to use it as your method. Take those emotions one at a time and do some Tapping on each one until when you think of your past event, the emotion no longer spikes as much. If you want, Tap while you imagine that revenge fantasy playing itself out—sometimes this ends up feeling really fun and empowering, and once you get it out of your system, you may find it easier to move on to other emotions than anger. Keep Tapping on whatever feels most prominent when you think back to your event. Notice if any new ideas or realizations come to you as you do this. Also notice whether this event seems connected to any others in your past, which might mean that you’ll want to work on those as well. If you get stuck, it can be incredibly helpful to call upon any higher power that you believe in, or ancestors, or the best part of yourself, whatever makes sense for you. When you do this, you put yourself in a more receptive state, and I find that this often breaks up a logjam.
As the intensity of your emotion comes down, and it’s not bothering you so much anymore, it can be helpful to affirm that it’s not necessarily your job to fix everything, right every wrong you come across, teach misbehaving people a lesson, and generally police the universe. Yes, sometimes it’s appropriate for you to speak up and take action, but sometimes that’s for someone else to handle. The most important thing for building your inner calm is allowing yourself to let go of the old unpleasantness or trauma and get back to a sense of safety in the present moment. Once you’re there, it’s much easier to reclaim anything positive that may have come out of the event, including the knowledge of how to avoid a repeat in the future.
The idea of forgiveness is one that can be helpful here, but one we may resist because it has been presented as just the right thing to do, but without enough helpful explanation about how and why it’s actually good for you. I find that the best definition of forgiveness to use during Tapping is often just allowing yourself to let go of attachment to and judgments about a situation and let yourself float free of it with the knowledge that it’s best for everyone that you do so, and get back to a healthier state. After all, when you’re feeling calm, you’re going to be able to make better decisions. If there’s anything you still want to do about this situation, you’ll be better able to do it when you feel happier and freer. This may not make sense to you while you read this, but it’s experiential. If you try it, it just might help you.
In case you need help finding some of the stickiest thoughts people hold about past events, see if any of these statements resonates for you. If so, feel free to just repeat one as you Tap until you don’t feel as strongly about it, or it doesn’t feel as true.
I don’t like this story. I don’t want it to be the story I have to tell about my life.
Nothing is ever going to make this ok.
This always happens to me.
Life is always harder for me than it is for everyone else.
Everything is so unfair.
This was the worst thing that could have happened.
There’s nothing I can do about this.
When you Tap on a negative statement like these that feels true, you aren’t reinforcing it. You’re allowing your emotions around it come up and out so that the power of the thought dissipates. It may take some time. Don’t be discouraged if this is true for you. What’s more important than being able to calm yourself and free up energy that’s been stuck in the past? When you’re able to do this, your sense of confidence in your ability to handle your life will soar. It’s far more enjoyable to be able to sink into the present moment of your life and have all your wits about you because you’re not obsessing about the past or fearing the same kind of experience repeating itself in the future. Doing this work can help you do that, and live a simpler life in which you can focus on what’s most important to you.
Taking the Leap
“Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something’s time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great metaphor for endings.”
Sometimes, your only job in a situation is to let go and allow a thing to exit your life. Depending on the circumstances, actually accomplishing this can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. There can be numerous reasons why we struggle with letting go, and it’s worth taking a look at them, because shining a light on the resistance usually helps us to find some clarity about what we’re doing and why. Once we have clarity, it’s easier to see what we need to do, and commit to doing it. When the task makes sense, we tend to feel better about taking action.
Here are the most common reasons we resist letting go of something (or someone):
Fear. If this is the best we’ve had yet, wouldn’t we be crazy to let it go? What if it’s our last chance? What if never find something this good again, let alone better? What if this was a fluke, a once-in-a-lifetime chance? This is fear talking. While it’s true that change is one of life’s only constants, and nothing will ever be exactly the same as this opportunity, just think about this for a minute. If you’re reading this, you live on a planet that is home to roughly seven and a half billion people, every one of those unique. Each of them wants roughly the same thing—safety, love, understanding, acceptance, validation. Each of them is constantly having new ideas about how they can be most successful at, and have the most fun in the process of, getting those things. Doesn’t it make sense that there are a lot of other people out there who want to go about those things in ways that you would appreciate? Let’s recall that seven and a half billion is a LOT of people. Some of those people you’d really like have available jobs to offer or recommend, they have hobbies, they want to be in relationships, they want to find ways to make the world a better place. When you’re holding on tightly, desperately, to something that isn’t right for you, you’re not out there finding your people where they are right now.
Deserving. On some level, not always immediately conscious, you may think you still need to “fix,” understand, or resolve something about your situation before it’s ok to let it go. Now, sometimes that’s a great idea. Feeling complete with a situation before you move on is a beautiful thing, and sometimes with a little thought and consideration, you can gain skills and wins for everyone involved. Honestly, though, in my experience, this is rare. Often we hope for concurrence from and peace with all parties involved in a situation, and getting to this may not be possible, because the only person you’re in control of is you. It takes two (or more) to tango, and to make peace holistically with a situation. Sometimes the best thing for everyone is for you to exit despite collective discomfort. In this case, you can be as clear and loving with your behavior as possible while still staying firm about your intentions, and then vote with your feet. The rest is not up to you. As far as the understanding piece, understanding and wisdom accrue in layers. Don’t you find that your understanding of situations from your past is exponentially more dimensional now because of the life experience you’ve amassed since then? This process will continue throughout your life. If there’s some key information you feel you need in order to make a good decision, fine, but you’re never going to resolve every possible loose end before it’s time for a change. And you deserve to make the best possible decision for yourself. Everyone does as long as they are not hurting others or violating their basic human rights—that’s what the concept of free will (balanced with a few moral considerations) is all about.
Disappointment. We tend to resist processing the reality that things we wanted did not materialize in the way we hoped, because if we really let that sink in, we’d have to feel the resulting sadness and loss, and then reimagine the future. It can be exhausting to go through all of this. On the other hand, it’s also exhausting to repress these feelings, we’re just not trained to notice this kind of energy drain and appreciate how it is aggregating over time! The answer is to learn tools that can assist you with breaking your discomfort into manageable chunks and handle releasing it in an appropriate manner. Enter EFT! This is my absolute favorite tool for the job. Not only does it help you get the job done efficiently, but it can also make the process more enjoyable and empowering than you might think. It can also facilitate better creative problem solving and faster leaps to new insights.
Beliefs. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we tend to encapsulate what we learn from a situation as a belief or two that we will hold as guiding principle going forward. If the new or reinforced beliefs are positive, as in, “I can and do choose to be in relationships only with people who are kind,” this is helpful to our development. If they’re limiting, as in, “People are jerks when you really get to know them,” we can wind up having big problems with trust, building new relationships, and having a social life that feels supportive. Often, these beliefs sneak by our conscious minds such that we don’t even realize that we could change our experience by rewriting them. Affirmations and mindfulness are excellent tools for working with mental habits and beliefs, but to address the deep emotional reasons why you formed those deep beliefs in the first place, we need tools for interacting with the subconscious, like Tapping, hypnosis, or NLP.
Real change takes work, but in my world, it’s always worth it! When you’re willing to do the work of becoming aware of, and releasing, the internal clutter produced by past events, the return is clarity, relief, increased energy, and greater wisdom. You may still need to go through various steps in transforming your relationships to the past, the present, and people (because no one’s development is ever complete), but you’ll be able to get unstuck and see more clearly along the way. Once you’ve handled your resistance to allowing positive change to happen, greater possibilities open up for you, and life stays fresh and interesting.
A Ton of Great Free Info!
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
This week we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for a special announcement. Every year, those who run one of the largest Web sites dedicated to Tapping, The Tapping Solution, run a tele-summit dedicated to showcasing experts using this amazing set of tools in various, interesting, and sometimes creative ways. It’s a great way to hear about what others are doing with it and get inspiration on techniques you might try in areas where you might not have thought to apply it. This year’s event starts today! I have no specific connection with this event, but I do participate every year because there’s always something to learn from the people who are interviewed. You can listen to the whole thing for free if you can make time to do so on their timeline. You can also choose to purchase the recordings if you prefer. Even if you you only end up catching one or two, I think you’ll find it to be a good use of your time.
If you want to sign up to receive all the information, you can do that here. Because this is my thing, I look forward to this every year and I totally geek out on the little turns of phrase and technique refinements the interviewees share. Maybe you can listen to every shred of content. Maybe you just want to check out one lecture with title that interests you. In any case, I hope you enjoy taking a look at the free content and come away with something that gets you a little more excited about making Tapping a part of your daily life. Thanks for reading, and for being someone who is willing to do the work to grow and improve your life. You make the world a better place!
Welcome, 2019!
As we begin a new year, I decided to share a beautiful guest blog by my friend Lexi Soulios. I hope you’ll take in the energy of this blessing and return to it all year long when you need to feel refreshed (bookmark it for yourself if you’d like to do that). Enjoy, and I look forward to sharing all the blessings off 2019 with you!
GENTLE, LOVING BLESSINGS FOR YOU 💖
...as we leave the darkest days of the year behind.
✨ MAY YOU BE BOUNTIFUL in all things good and nourishing this year.
✨ May you see the support that's available and feel comfortable receiving, so that YOU CAN THRIVE.
🌿 May you remember each day to close your eyes and take a deeeeep breath...to fill your lungs with the MIRACLE OF *YOUR* LIFE.
✨ If fear and worry steal your ability to be in the present moment, may you realize that you are MORE THAN CAPABLE of handling any challenges you encounter.
✨ If shame weighs on your shoulders and caves in your chest, let your mind come upon a new curiosity about where that shame was born. YOU ARE GLORIOUS and GOOD and DESERVING OF SUNLIGHT ON YOUR FACE!
✨ If you often work to suppress an ever-present anger, please know that healthy anger CREATES NEEDED BOUNDARIES and PROTECTS LOVED ONES. If you have more anger than you can handle, may you notice if you’re carrying anger on behalf of someone else—and be able to give it back to them. (It’s theirs to handle.)
🌿 For every day that you step your feet onto our precious earth, may you feel your DIVINE RIGHT TO EXIST, to be exactly who you are, exactly where you are.
✨ May your world reflect back to you all the ways YOU ARE WANTED AND LOVED. 💗
✨ May you FEEL WORTHY and KNOW YOUR OWN VALUE.
✨ If you're calling in a new job, a new home, a new assistant, a new partner...may you realize that this person or situation you are praying for is praying for YOU too. 🙏🏼
YOU ARE THE ANSWER TO OTHER PEOPLE'S PRAYERS.
Every characteristic that is *uniquely you* is *uniquely right* for where you’re meant to be and who you’re meant to be with.
🌾 If you feel absolutely stuck and unable to move forward in the way you want, may you realize that every block in the way (of your wealth, your ideal partnership, your peace of mind, your joy) is not as formidable as it may seem.
BLOCKS CAN BE BROKEN DOWN INTO SMALLER BITS AND CLEARED.
🍃 May patterns of overwork, over-responsibility and over-giving disintegrate, and a more HARMONIOUS FLOW of give-and-take and BALANCE BE RESTORED in your field.
🌺 MAY YOU ALWAYS BE BLESSED with physical comforts, genuine connection, and plenty of sacred time for quiet and rest.
☀️ As the light returns to our hemisphere once again...
may your JOY GROW,
your PEACE OF MIND COME TO STAY,
and your HOPEFULNESS EXPAND INTO VISIONS OF THE ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES before you. 🌅
Wishing you and all your loved ones a wonderfully auspicious start to 2019.
The Golden Rule of Gift Giving
“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.”
In recent weeks, we’ve been looking at what place giving and gratitude have in your life. This week, we’ll be combining them into the consideration of the art of giving to express gratitude. Let’s face it, most of the time (barring joke gifts, which can be fun in a whole different way) it’s far more satisfying to give gifts that delight the receiver than to give items that are a random guess and likely to provoke a lukewarm reception at best. I’ve been told by family and friends that I’m good at choosing gifts that others appreciate, so I’ll lay out a few tips below that may help you to navigate the selection of any gifts you’re planning to give this holiday season. For some people, receiving gifts may be the primary way that they perceive they’re loved (see The Five Love Languages for a full explanation of this interesting concept). For others, it’s still a way in which they may feel seen and understood if the gift addresses their most passionate interests.
Expressing love and gratitude to the people in your life is first and foremost about tuning into them. If you want your gift to be a rousing success, the golden rule is to give the recipient what he or she wants or needs to receive. If you stay focused on this, you can’t go too far astray. Here are some specific tips on how to find out where to focus your ideas:
-Listen. If you already have or are willing to build strong listening skills, gift giving is just so easy! People talk freely about what they like, what they’re working on, and what they’re hoping for. Sometimes they’ll mention outright an item or experience that will help or please them, and if it’s in your price range, you’re done!
-Ask. You can ask what’s going on with someone and what they’re into lately even if they don’t volunteer information that will help you to know. If that’s not illuminating, you can also try asking someone else who knows the person for ideas. Even if your co-conspirator doesn’t have a specific suggestion, s/he might be able to remember something that sparked your giftee’s enthusiasm recently, and then you’ll have a subject area to guide you. And bonus—often others will enjoy helping you with the process if you just ask!
-Brainstorm. This is the part that should be creative and fun for you. There will be many possible options related to any given area of interest, including things you might make, find, or buy. Depending on his personal style of dress or home decor, you might find something your giftee could wear or display that alludes to his interests. You might be able to purchase an antique or vintage item, or a book or film, that will educate or entertain. You might be able to arrange for an experience she would enjoy having all set up. If you don’t have much of a budget, you might use your own skills to create something that will be useful or beautiful; if you’re not crafty, you might enlist the help of someone who is, or someone who has a lot of other contacts who can advise you. Internet searches can help expand your ideas list instantly if you’re stuck, as can searching within a Web site that will suggest items based on another search.
-Research suppliers and acquire or make your item. Once you have your decision about what you want to give, you get to put it all together, all the while looking forward with happy anticipation to giving something that will be meaningful, and brighten up your giftee’s day.
-This part can be a little trickier because it may involve your ego, but try to remain flexible, and willing to let your giftee decide to return and exchange your gift or even to eventually regift it in the future, extending the usefulness of the item and the joy it can provide in the world. Things must come and go into and out of people’s lives if they are to remain in right relationship with their belongings. It is the loving intent behind the gift that matters most. Once you have consigned your item to this person’s collection of things, it is now up to her/him to make decisions about its best use. An important part of giving that helps everyone to feel good about the experience is allowing others to be who they are and manage their lives in a way that suits them and their greatest happiness.
The art of giving gifts that truly express your gratitude for your relationships can take some doing, but it can also be a lot of fun if you allow it to be. It’s fine to put your own spin on things, but remember that people most appreciate gifts that fall within their interests, not yours. When you show that you’ve listened for what they like, and cared enough to choose something within their areas of passion, they will feel your good intentions and appreciate your efforts. Even something small and inexpensive can end up having a great deal of meaning, and act as a constant reminder of your relationship and your regard. Many things can increase your bonds with others, and giving can be a really wonderful, enjoyable one.