Fun with Goals
“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”
Last week we unpacked a bunch of reasons why the thought of defining clear and specific goals can make us cringe and run for cover. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s look into what a saner process for creating and working with goals over time might look like. How can we make use of the motivational power of goals without the inappropriate application of shame or frequent flare-ups of overwhelm that sap our belief in ourselves and our ability to cross the finish line?
The Vision
· If you’ve never spent some concentrated time thinking about what you’d like your life to be like if you could wave a magic wand and instantly have everything you want, it’s time to do that. The best idea is always to start with the ideal, without editing yourself. Don’t stand for mental limitations in the conceptual phase, because you’ll just be building in a sense of disappointment from day one of your process! Really have fun with this vision, and make it as outrageous as you want. You can be the ruler of the entire world, a movie star, and a reclusive stay-at-home mom all at the same time—you later could plan to spend some part of your time each day/month/year on each. We’re just moving puzzle pieces around at this point to see what seems satisfying. Stay in brainstorming/impractical mode and see what you come up with; how would you want to spend your time? Who would be sharing your experiences with you? Where would you live? What would you want to give to others and the world? If you’re not sure, think about the kinds of things that have delighted you in the past, starting in childhood (including things you’ve heard of happening to other people or in movies, etc.) and build on those. Write down reminder phrases at least so you’ve captured what you imagined. You can also draw pictures if that seems fun. It can work well to do this in one column of your page and leave another blank for the next step
· Once you’ve come up with some really good stuff, think about what the basic core of each item is. If you decided you’d like to live in a particular town, what was it about that place that appealed to you? Was it weather, proximity to people you love, or some other special characteristic of that place? This helps you both to be specific, and to allow yourself to be surprised later by other possible solutions that might give you a similar result
· Now think about which seems most important to you—you might start by considering them one at a time and imagining that each, in turn, is the only one you can have right away when you wave that magic wand. Which one feels the best? That’s number one. Continue to assign a number to each in turn based on which of the remaining comes up next highest.
· Then consider which seems easiest to achieve. Assign each a letter starting at the beginning of the alphabet based on this factor.
· Now it’s time to think about what to work on first. Yes, we are beginning to hint at taking action! Don’t freak out. Would you rather work on the thing that you want most, or something that seems easier relative to the other things on your list? This is totally up to you. Sometimes it helps to build one’s confidence to work on something that doesn’t seem like a huge effort. Sometimes that’s just not inspiring. You know your life and your current capacities, and you get to make this decision.
· Once you have chosen something, stop and ask yourself: Did I choose this one out of fear of something I’d much rather work on? Fear, anxiety, and self-doubt often pop up when we’re thinking about challenging the status quo. This is normal, but if you let them define all your choices, you’ll never grow or change at all, and that’s boring! Remember, whatever you choose to work on, you can do it with baby steps, and you don’t have to know how to accomplish it right now, just that you’d like to.
· Do you have one?
Your Map
· Ok, now it’s finally time to start an outline/treasure map showing how you might get from where you are to where you want to go. Be sure to do it in a format that leaves you room for changes. A digital format can be good here because it’s so easy to change or add steps, but if you like paper, that’s fine too. This is just a rough draft based on what you know right now. Let’s say you want to become a chemical engineer. First you need to define where you are. What’s your current level of education, experience, and knowledge? Would you need training or even a college degree, do you think? Would you need to get some experience as an intern? Would you need to spend time in a different location? Then what? Take some wild guesses if you have to, but map it all out the best you can. Remember to define the end goal—how will you know you have it? What will you see/hear/feel/smell/taste? What will you be like? How will people treat you? How will you feel? Put this in positive terms, as in “Everyone will be nice to me” rather than “Everyone will stop being rude to me.”
· Now look at the areas where you’re sure you have gaps in knowledge as far as what might need to happen to get you to the goal. Time for research! Run some online searches, talk to people you know who might be able to inform you on the subject, read a book about someone who did what you want to do or something like it, listen to podcasts, etc. Then add some steps to your outline/map based on what you learned
· You’ll need to be detailed about your steps. You can flesh out sub-steps of each as you go, or attempt to do more of that now, but don’t get bogged down in endless minutiae, which is a clever way of avoiding ever actually doing anything. Think tasks you could do in an hour or two each
· Once you have your map, it’s time to think about how much time you will devote to your first goal each day and/or week. This is not a contract written in blood! It can and will change over time, but again, you want something to shoot for and schedule, because (for most of us) if you don’t do that, the tasks won’t get done. There should be enough time scheduled each week for you to get at least one task done every week, otherwise you’re likely to become dishearteneded by your lack of progress. However, it shouldn’t be so much that the thought of putting that much time aside makes you feel like you’re going to have a panic attack. Again, keep an eye out for fears that may be trying to stop you and ask yourself whether you’re lowballing the amount of time you can devote based on these, but also think about what will be sustainable so you don’t become exhausted and want to quit. You’re trying to create a balance here
Action!
· Take a deep breath and remember how awesome it will be to have that goal before you work on anything having to do with it, and whenever you can throughout each day. This will help to keep you happy, motivated, and creative
· As you start the first task, remember that you will sometimes become confused, feel stuck or doubtful, or want to give up. Just spend your scheduled time as best you can. Anytime you need to, you can ask for help, including from a professional—a psychologist, coach, nutritionist, etc. You can also ask yourself what you would tell someone else in your position. It’s sometimes surprising how many great ideas you can come up with this way!
· Just keep at it, but remember that, though parts of the process will no doubt be uncomfortable, there’s no need to be miserable. If you are, take a step back and shift your perspective. EFT, for instance, is fantastic for changing your emotional state and opening up new insights all along the way. Learn the basics and try it. It can be a lifeline when you get stuck
· Continue to modify your task list/map as needed
· Keep in mind that it’s probably not practical to be working toward more than two or three main goals at a time. You want to be able to see regular progress on each, not spread yourself so thin that you just become overwhelmed and scattered. However, it's a great idea to read over all of your goals/vision every day at least once or twice. That reaffirms for you what you want your life to be about, which is energizing when you allow yourself to really imagine and enjoy the idea of having those things
· If you’re someone who likes to work in groups, find one or several others who would be open to co-working or forming a support group to check in with at least once a week on tasks and achievements, and anywhere you’re getting hung up
· Celebrate every step you complete in some way. You want to keep making it fun for yourself to be on the path to your goal! When you savor each task you've completed, the whole effort is more enjoyable, and you'll feel better about yourself. Those good feelings will help keep you going
I hope this helps you to see the whole idea of goals in a more positive way than perhaps you’ve done before. They’re supposed to be a source of support, direction, and joyful anticipation, not self-recrimination and negativity. Remind yourself of this as needed, and keep chugging along! Moving toward things that make your heart sing is one of the things that makes life feel deeply worthwhile, so now actually go back and do the steps above!