A Happy Give and Take
“Each day offers us the gift of being a special occasion if we can simply learn that as well as giving, it is blessed to receive with grace and a grateful heart.”
Last week I sent you a video on creating a culture of helpfulness. This week, I wanted to write a few words about how to strike a balance between giving and taking. As with many dualities, most people tend to naturally gravitate to one side of the giving/receiving spectrum more than the other. That’s normal and totally fine—we all have our own personalities and mixes of talents and challenges. Some of us find ourselves wanting to give to others all the time, and others of us tend to be more focused on our own goals and finding the help we need to bring them into being. Finding what is, for you, a good balance between the two is an important component in maintaining your relationships, which are a big part of maintaining your overall happiness.
Human beings are inherently social, and have evolved to be part of complex social systems. Throughout most of human history, people who were not willing to be part of a circle of giving and receiving were placing themselves in the dangerous position of not pulling their weight, and becoming superfluous. Someone who was not fully integrated into a tribe or village ran the risk of having to fend for themselves. In a harsh world that was difficult to survive, that was not an enviable position.
Times may be different, but most of us are more fulfilled when we have a strong social support systems made up of some close friends and family members who we can rely on, and to whose lives we can also contribute in meaningful ways. With this in mind, here are a few things to consider as you strive for your appropriate balance:
Do you tend to be very driven and focused on your projects and goals? If so, you may need to remind yourself to reach out to others, ask what’s going on with them, and remember that giving to others feels great
Do you tend to give, give, give, but never take much time for yourself? You may need to encourage yourself to carve out some time for things that help you to rest, renew, be inspired, and laugh
What skills do you have that others tend to remark on and appreciate? Chances are that these are skills you like to use, so when you’re ready to give, maybe those are the ones to offer. If not, you might want to start reminding those in your social circle about the skills you do most like to share
Are you good at receiving gracefully? Or do you tend to deflect? If you’re not comfortable receiving, you are denying others the satisfaction of contributing to your life as a way of expressing love and appreciation. Remember that you’re part of a circle, and allowing them to give to you is as much an act of love sometimes as giving is
If you’re not good at receiving, you might want to think about why, and then do some Tapping on what you discover
The same goes for giving if you don’t tend to enjoy it much. The reasons why may be worth some attention, as you’re leaving your own joy and satisfaction in giving on the table along with the benefits you could be offering to the world by sharing your talents
Some people are taught that asking for help is weak. This is pretty unfortunate, since it denies you the ability to receive the help that may be all around you, and it denies others the opportunity to help create progress
On the other hand, some are taught that it’s selfish to ask for anything. Also and unfortunate and unnatural idea!
Where do you fall on this spectrum? I hope this has gotten you thinking about the ways in which you could experience more satisfaction by finding the right balance of giving and receiving for where you are in your life right now. As we head toward the holiday season, it’s a good time to rethink how you’re operating in this area and make a few new decisions if you find that you’ve been out of balance.