Refocusing to Win

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.”

— Aristotle

Since many people are working on new habits this month, I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that starting a new habit, or ending and old one, is hard! There are degrees of difficulty, obviously, but usually the things we tackle at the beginning of the year are the bigger challenges that we didn't find the gumption to address throughout the previous year, so I'll assume that you might really be challenging yourself right now. In that case, it will behoove you to accept that you may need some extra support to keep yourself focused on and engaged with the task at hand. In order to help you see that need for yourself, consider:

• When you're stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone toward a new state of being, you are likely to have at least moments in which you feel confused and overwhelmed. You don't really feel like the self you've previously known yourself to be, but you also don't yet feel like the "new and improved" version of yourself for whom the new habit is no longer a challenge. In fact, sometimes the path to getting there looks long and treacherous, and highly uncertain, right about now
• To state the obvious, being outside your comfort zone is uncomfortable! No one likes constant discomfort, and it's tough to endure unless you can see the clear link between it and the rapid approach of something you deeply want. If you're not doing things to keep that focus, it's easy to get knocked off track by the loudness of the discomfort in the moment, and by how much you don't like it. Even if you stay on track, constant challenge without instant gratification can be pretty tiring. You may find that you have less energy, and therefore productive time, for other things until you get over the hump in solidifying your new habit
• Many people are exercising more right now. Even though this eventually creates more energy than it uses if you stick with it, in the beginning, it doesn't feel good at all. Until your muscles strengthen, they hurt and protest. Toxins and hormones stored in fat cells hit your bloodstream and change your chemistry until they're processed out of your body. You need more rest to recover and keep going, and you may feel weaker than before you started exercising. Unless you're careful, methodical, and quite physically self-aware, it's easy to injure yourself when starting a new exercise regimen.

So what can we do about all of this?

• Actually write out (or type up) a statement of your goal and why you want it, in other words, include all the great feelings you'll feel if you achieve it. Yes, you, and yes, on paper or a computer, so that you can review it every day and remind yourself what all the effort and discomfort is for when the going gets tough. This will get you up and going when you really want to go back to bed rather than face the work your goal requires. Reading it will send a wave of positive energy rippling across your day, as long as you don't spend any time worrying about how you haven't achieved your goal yet—those thoughts will do the opposite. If they come up, acknowledge them, but don't indulge them
• Write out your top personal values in as much or as little detail as you like so you can read those daily as well. This will help you to remember who you really are when the outer stuff is getting rearranged and you feel confused. This is powerful. Don't discount it
• Give some thought to a few things you can dial back so you have more energy for making change in the early stage of your project, when it's most challenging
• Tell the important people in your life what you're doing so they can support you where possible
• Consider specifically not telling people you know who will not be supportive (or might even try to derail your progress). You have no obligation to cater your life to people who try to wreck the best efforts of those around them
• Team up with someone else who you can talk to about the ups and downs of what you're doing. Just being able to share what you're experiencing with someone else who is working on their own projects helps you to feel understood and seen as you work
• Make sure you add opportunities for fun into your schedule. Taking on new things shouldn't mean that you have no time left to blow off steam, rest, and rejuvenate. Striking a healthy balance is important for the long-term viability of your projects, because if you become exhausted and demoralized, your projects will be dead in the water.

It's great to meet a new year with enthusiasm, just make sure you're allowing yourself a little time to plan for the support you'll need in seeing your projects through to the successful outcomes you want. A lot of good intentions will fall to the wayside by the end of this month. With some planning and reinforcements, yours need not be among them!

Surge Forward or Have Patience?

“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.”

— Niels Bohr

Because we live our lives in a constantly changing landscape of influences, we're always learning about the possibilities that are open to us, and the new ones constantly appearing through the creativity and interactions of the billions of other people who share the planet with us.  The flow of ideas through which we move makes it possible for us to be learning things without even realizing it. Our minds are continually synthesizing everything they take in, giving us access to the building blocks with which to come up with our own new ideas. Often we disregard such ideas without even fully vetting them because of old programming left over from the past; this slows down our own progress, as well as the progress of humanity as a whole, by depriving it of your potential contributions, which is why it's a good idea to stop sometimes and take stock of what you really want. You may find that your old goals no longer satisfy. When you really open your mind to what would excite you most to work toward, you may find that it's time to make adjustments.

If you never do this, you may find your energy and enthusiasm tanking without realizing that it's because you're not moving toward anything that feels truly inspiring. For instance, I have a client I recently worked with who had been starting to yearn for a particular change, but hadn't really admitted this to him/herself until we sat down together and there was some dedicated time and space to say, "You know, I think what I really want most right now is this." It turned out to be something quite achievable, and within a week, everything was being arranged in a new way to support the stated goal. This person was relieved and energized, and couldn't wait to do the work of actualizing the new plan. And isn't that where we'd all like to be—enthusiastically meeting life every day and enjoying the tasks we take on?

On the other hand, it's also very possible to be vigilantly on the lookout for new opportunities and feel that they're not showing up, which can be particularly frustrating when we see how quickly everything is changing around us, including for other people we know.  My best recent story about this is my own. I had been looking for ways to make a change in a particular area of my life for what felt like way too long without feeling like I was getting anywhere—despite doing everything I could think of that seemed in line with my desires. When a new opportunity finally did arise, I had an epiphany about why the process I'd gone through to get to that point was actually going to end up being important and useful in ways that were previously unforeseen.

Without telling the whole long story here, I'll just say that that the new state of things included a resolution to something old and very thorny that I'm still not finished dismantling, but that will feel like a great accomplishment to me when I am. It wouldn't sound all that splashy to everyone, but I feel like I've gained higher, more satisfying ground and a deeper understanding of the good that can come of something that has been extremely difficult for me for a long time. I see a bigger, and quite expansive, picture now of where this fits in the context of my life, and there were times when it seemed like this story would never make any sense.  All this is really to say that sometimes the only thing to do is persist, because the alternative is to lie down and give up. If you do persist, the creative, constantly aware parts of your mind that are always working may eventually reveal patterns to you that you did not see coming at all. The moment when it all coalesces can be a gorgeous, stunning thing that is worth the wait. I'm still not super psyched that this whole thing took as long as it did for me, but feeling like it was all to a purpose makes all the difference in the world.

Sometimes one of the hardest things in life is to know whether you should be surging forward or waiting for opportunities to align. This will always be individual and therefore mysterious, something no one else can dictate to you. But I think finding the balance here involves both making space for awareness by reexamining your circumstances with regularity to find what's true for you in the now, and being willing to persist and have patience when it looks like there's no possible resolution to your problems.  Things will keep changing, and eventually, those changes will align to help your cause if you're paying attention and ready to seize the moment.

Where in your life do you think you need to reexamine right now and where do you need to have patience? This is a question to ask yourself often. It can really get the creative parts of your mind activated and working for you. You might want to do this with someone else, taking turns talking through both sides of the question. If you try this and have any useful realizations, I'd love to hear about it in the comments section below. I hope you end up with new realizations that keep you moving ever onward and upward.

Dancing with the Gods of Mischief

“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.”

— Woodrow Wilson

Hello, dear readers, and welcome to 2018! In the first week of this new year, many of us will be thinking with renewed fervor of the creation of our most cherished goals. This week may bring you a fresh, more hopeful perspective on what's possible for you and for the world, which feels great. But you know how some years you decide to work toward new things and become quickly derailed from your forward motion? And then that kills your buzz and your motivation to keep at it until you actually get what you wanted? In the interests of helping you to preserve your happy sense of possibility, which is the motivational equivalent of perpetual motion, I offer you these thoughts this week.

We feel the sense of hopefulness about a new year in part because we can look ahead at a familiar unit of time with an intrinsic structure that has become familiar to us—seasons we've come to know, with their attached holidays and weather, clothing and habits, and it's fun to fill that container with an ideal vision. Creating something beautiful, something that sparkles with promise and expresses who we are at our very core, reminds us of the very best we carry within us. Of course that feels great! (Research has shown that the vast majority of people are far more efficiently motivated by positive feedback than by negative experiences, so this makes perfect sense.) At this particular time of year, we allow ourselves to get swept up in the the optimistic moment. Yet, as the year progresses, and our perfectly imagined plans start to go off track (which is inevitable), the structural integrity of our confidence begins to break down along with the structure of our idealized vision of the year. 

Instead of taking developments in stride and using them as an impetus to make course corrections, we may decide that we're falling behind, there's not enough time left to make the year into something satisfying!  We succumb to the mounting pressure to rectify the differences between vision and uncertain reality on a tight timeline.  Sometimes we don't even notice how much we're measuring our intrinsic value against how much of what we want is unfolding according to the schedule we imagined for the current year.  Just as age is only a number to which we attach conditioned meanings, often, without thinking, we may decide that not having accomplished something by a certain time of year must MEAN something about us or about our ability to accomplish it at all. If we allow this measurement to remain unconscious, we're far more likely to grind into the end of the year frustrated, grouchy, and not in the mood to celebrate the numerous holidays we might otherwise enjoy with gusto. 

Even for those whose lives look easy from the outside, it's very rare that any longer-term plan ever goes as expected. The nature of being human includes navigating constant surprise. The scope certainly varies, but unless you're a hermit, the constancy of the need to confront this dynamic does not.  Since this is a common denominator, it doesn't actually "mean" anything about you except that you're human. Success is not keeping every variable in your projects an inescapable chokehold—it's created by a willingness to confront every day's surprise with a willingness to put together pieces of a constantly morphing puzzle in the most constructive pattern you can engineer in that moment.  The more you try to cement the pieces to the game board, the more likely it is that the whole thing will rupture under unsustainable pressure and blow up in your face.

Here's what I recommend you do in order to keep up with the pace of natural and inevitable change that will permeate all your projects while  constantly feeding your enthusiasm:

• Plan to actually write down what you would most like to have happen this year and read this every day. The point of this is NEVER to make you feel anxious about what's not happening, but to remind you what's important to you, keep you focused on it, and galvanize your creativity around what you can do today to make some progress toward goals that excite you. Not because you really should, or you must, or you're a mess if you don't, but because this helps you to feel that you're really alive.
• Plan to take stock of where you are in relation to where you'd like to be at least once per month, perhaps on the first of the month so it's hard to forget. If you're disappointed about your progress, first of all, admit it! Then do something to address the situation. In light of the current factors in play, decide on a new timetable that seems challenging but possible. If you're stuck somewhere, do some research. Talk to someone you know who has applicable skills. Talk to an expert. Get help brainstorming from a group with diverse viewpoints. In short, reset and keep moving.
• Do something to address the emotions that have come up around what's happening or not happening. If you just let them sit there and fester, pressure will build and you'll be careening toward that grumpy-end-of-year situation, and worse, an unwillingness to persist for as long as it takes.  What helps you to feel better? Do it!
  • Hint: Exercise. Talk or write out your feelings. Allow yourself to mourn anything that's truly lost. Use Tapping/EFT to help you move through your emotions more comfortably, and regain balance and perspective.
• Not everything can be solved with more or harder work. We need to balance out our effort with play and restoration, which primes the pump of creativity and keeps us healthy. We need to breathe, laugh, and connect with others sometimes before we can solve intractable problems. We need sleep and nutritious food and plenty of water to be at our best. It's a lot to balance, to be sure. That's why improving your ability to greet each day with calm observation of what's happening before diving in is so important to constructing a productive response.
• Even if they're not what you envisioned, find ways to keep enjoying the seasons and their particular rewards.  There's something deeply satisfying about marking the passage of time that affects us all if you allow yourself to appreciate them.

It's great to use a new year as inspiration for new projects, but keep in mind that rigidity around deadlines you have chosen out of preference will demoralize you. Letting yourself become rigid is the one mistake that causes more people to quit positive new habits than anything else. The most successful people build confidence through constant interaction with changing circumstances. The more you challenge yourself to keep coming back to the table with constant effort despite confusion and setbacks, the more capacity you build for solving problems and racking up accomplishments. No worthy goal comes into being without the completion of many actions and small milestones along the way. Most goals take much longer to finish than we'd like them to, and must adjust to disruptions that feel like attacks on our free will and our happiness. Life isn't easy, but we persist because refusing to try to improve our lives is no fun. It's sad, boring, and feels like a waste of time to live without direction, and who needs that? Whatever you are able to accomplish this week, this month, this year, celebrate it, and all you've learned and become as you brought it forth. This learning is just as important to your happiness and future success as the product you were able to create, and as you keep at it, you grow more skilled and efficient and creative, and life grows ever more fulfilling.

Exploring the Emotional Jungle

“If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days.”

— Kris Carr

One of the things I've learned about working with emotions is that they exist in a complex, ever-changing ecosystem, and interrelate with many elements of the self and dimensions of one's outer environment. This may seem to be a fairly obvious statement, but I find the degree of complexity of these interactions to be well beyond what most people have had occasion to deeply consider and fully realize. In a culture that tends to sweep emotional experiences under the rug as unimportant and even sometimes shameful, we are not taught how to value the emotional realm and healthfully integrate it into our daily experiences. Beginning to do a better job of this requires that we respect the complexity and the mysterious non-logic that governs emotions, as well as become open to adventures of a new an unfamiliar kind as we learn to effectively navigate this jungle.

In the subconscious, where the vast majority of resistance to change and progress originates, the coin of the realm is emotion; the subconscious speaks in symbol and color, in the way our bodies feel, and in the way our emotions mysteriously interact with all of this. A truth that can be maddening to the logical mind and the ego is that it takes openness to a more feminine-energy process than the analytical mind can comprehend to make progress in these shiftings sands. We're all familiar with the concepts of structured goals and linear processes to get to them, because these are all we've been offered. In fact, we've been so entrained by millennia of masculine-energy, logical-mind-and-discipline glorification that we think to enter the mysterious waters of the subconscious and to let a helpful process evolve organically (which, for some goals, is absolutely the most useful process) is folly, weakness, wishful thinking of the most ridiculous kind. After all, this period of history has given us some excellent understanding about how to use logic and discipline effectively, and there are many great success stories that have resulted from these methods. And yet, when you invest some time in getting to know the vicissitudes of your emotions, you find that there are actually discernible patterns that can guide your journey through them into greater wisdom and effectiveness on a whole different level than can be accomplished only with the accoutrements of the conscious mind.

No matter how much you "understand" where your resistance comes from, as my partner Andrew likes to say, "the mind is not the right tool for every job." You can't "think" yourself out of the physical and emotional effects of trauma, for instance. No amount of pure logic will dislodge entrenched emotional patterns that you learned before you were old enough to notice what was happening. This is what cellular biologist Candice Pert was getting at when she said, "The body is the subconscious mind." Bruce Lipton, another cellular biologist, writes about how the subconscious mind is like a tape recorder. Yelling at the recording won't accomplish anything. If you want to change the recording, you have to overwrite it, and that can happen only at the level of the subconscious mind, which is very much connected to the physical body.

To make things more confusing, though, emotions can be influenced by thoughts, experiences, and words we've encountered at any point in our lives, whether or not they were even ours.  When we're children, we pick up a great deal of our learning through observation, and we don't yet have the awareness and intellect to discard the rubbish that gets thrown into our paths.  The untold number of chemical reactions and communications going on in the physical body at any given moment influence emotion in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, some of which we can influence with factors like food and exercise.  Our emotional habits draw us in certain directions.  What's going on around us, including the macro of world events all the way down to the micro of how those closest to us are feeling, influences us.  How energy is moving through our body's meridians affects emotion.  All of these together form the basis of interactions so complex as to be nearly inscrutable. It can seem as though our emotions behave like wave forms as random as crashing surf on an uneven coastline. 

If you want to master the art of working with your emotions, as with any worthwhile goal, it does take some time and commitment. It also takes familiarity with tools designed for this purpose. There's a lot of great information out there on ideas for accepting and working with this essential part of yourself, and I encourage you to seek methods that appeal to and work well for you, realizing that learning anything complex may require trial and error. For me, the use of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) has been revolutionary because it elegantly incorporates so many essential pieces of the emotional puzzle, surpassing the utility of anything else I know:

• It calms both the body's physical fight/flight/freeze response and the amygdala, the limbic center of the brain (which deals with emotion)
• It helps energy to flow more evenly through the body's energy meridians, which Traditional Chinese Medicine and other systems have recognized as key to the maintenance of human health for thousands of years
• It gives you a strong, calming focus for your mind, acting like a moving meditation with extra benefits
• It facilitates the opening of a conversation with your subconscious mind, allowing game-changing bolts of insight to surface about the origins of your habits/patterns, and your resistance to the changes you want to make in your life
• Overall, it helps you to quiet noise on all levels and get back to feeling a sense of clarity about yourself and your situation, as well as build confidence that you can accomplish the goals you seek

Wherever you are currently on the scale of comfort and facility with your emotions, I hope you find ways to move forward in your exploration, as no one can be whole without greater-than-average skill in this historically neglected area.  If you befriend your emotions and learn to value them for the valuable guidance they can offer you, you actually open up new abilities to blaze trails more quickly and with less resistance and confusion and mess than ever before.  

The Dark Side of Hidden Emotions

“Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.”

— Earl Wilson

I notice as a running theme in my work with clients that we often don't understand the emotional (and even physical) significance and implications of everyday experiences. It often happens that we remember an event, but think little of it when we do, and yet the effects of it ripple out in ways that are mostly invisible. Only when we do some conscious digging do we find the hidden layers that affect the way we function in our lives today. Sometimes, we can experience a revelation in an instant that makes apparent all the far-reaching effects of a memory we thought was just mundane.  For instance, a client recently said that s/he thought of an event as just "a funny little story I tell," when we later found it to be the root of numerous difficulties s/he has been encountering in the pursuit of important goals.  By following where that memory led and allowing ourselves to focus on the underlying discomfort it revealed, powerful significance was unlocked.  As we worked through various aspects of the new information, s/he was able to put the experience into context and release the emotion behind what s/he had decided the experience meant all those years ago.  New enthusiasm and energy powerfully emerged.

Unfortunately for our health and happiness, most of us are taught that when something difficult or even traumatic happens, we should sprint to get back to "normal" as quickly as possible. I think that's partly because previous generations have come to the conclusion, with access to only minimal resources, that trauma is a bummer for everyone and acting like everything is fine, including trying your damndest to laugh these things off, is better. Why "dwell" on what's difficult? What good does that do you?  If you don't know what to do to make something better, it kind of makes sense to just move on and pretend it didn't happen.  The problem, somewhat obviously, is that ignoring and denying an issue doesn't solve it. In the case of traumas, their effects actually tend to compound and amplify over time. And to make matters even trickier, something that seems like nothing at all to one person can be felt as a life-shaking trauma to another, which is yet another reason why traumas often go unnoticed on a conscious level. Someone who is told that the reason for their suffering isn't "real" may avoid admitting their struggles for fear of being labeled crazy, and even hide any dissonance from their own conscious awareness.

Fortunately for our futures, we now have better technology for processing old emotion and releasing it in ways that don't retraumatize people. When this is accomplished skillfully, huge stores of energy can be freed up for current and future use. It takes a lot of energy to suppress traumatic memories and keep those pivotal moments stuck in time, encased in the body so that they don't immobilize us. When all that effort and energy is no longer needed for the lockdown, life can, quite suddenly, feel dramatically different such that the change is surprising in its scope and more liberating than one might have thought possible. I've experienced this process and the joyful, cathartic effect of freeing up stuck energy over and over in my own personal work with EFT, and in my work with clients. It's pretty amazing what happens when you do this work consistently. Take it from me that you can be much happier than you think when you learn to shed the collected detritus of a life lived over decades on planet Earth, which inevitably includes numerous difficulties. To me, happiness is worth doing some consistent work! If I can affect my own level of happiness through an enlightening and enjoyable process, to me that's real empowerment. That's what I want to make possible for everyone I come into contact with, and I very much hope these blogs help you to move in that direction.  A lot of people find December to be a very busy month, but as you envision the year ahead, I recommend finding a place for a practice of working with your emotions constructively.  There are other ways, but you know I'm going to recommend using EFT, so I might as well get to it!  I've never encountered anything else that works as quickly, as thoroughly, and can be accessed as efficiently as a self-help technique.  Set aside a few minutes a day to use it, and I think you'll quickly come to appreciate its brilliance.

Entering the Quiet

“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.”

— Peter Drucker

While the next month will be a flurry of activity for many of us, I find it helpful to recall that before the advent of modern technology, the darkest, coldest times of the year were considered to be a time for rest, gratitude for the year's harvest, and envisioning plans and desires for the year ahead. Right about now (in the northern hemisphere) we would have been slowing down, spending more time with family and friends, enjoying the fact that fewer hours of daylight meant fewer hours in which to work, and going to bed earlier. The limitations of light and weather meant that the cycle of the year was not negotiable. Working within it meant that people were almost guaranteed to benefit from this slower time of year.

Since we now have the ability to work 24/7 through the wonders of technology, we are beginning to have trouble stopping or even slowing down at all. You now have a choice about when and how to do this, but if you want to be happy and healthy, it must be done. Rest and relaxation are necessary for rejuvenation of body, mind and spirit. Only when rested do we have sustainable access to our greatest creativity and palette of skills, so as you move through the end of this year, make sure you carve out some time for yourself. Plan to do very little for some of it, and also, at some point, take time to review the high points of the year to better see your present life in context, and then think about what you'd like to create in 2018. Your wish list could include achievements, but also progress you'd like to make on character traits or skills that are more incremental. You might yearn to improve a relationship that's important to you.  You might want to add new, supportive habits to your routine. Perhaps you'd like to take a trip to a place you've never been, or to see friends and family you've been missing. Whatever it is, now's the time to play with the virtual chess pieces that might be involved in your mind, and begin to imagine the way forward.

What you set into motion now through contemplation and imagination will build in momentum in the new year, but in order to bring your most productive self to bear in your projects, you need to replenish your energy stores and your heart before you start trekking toward them. This is an excellent time to do some high-quality rejuvenation. Don't miss out on it by letting this busy time blow by without making some room for the relaxation and creative time you need for yourself. This time spent in quiet will help you to ring in the new year with anticipation, joy and intention—so much better than with the frazzled confusion that is your alternative!

No Part of You Left Behind

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.”

— Tori Amos

There's a great deal of scientific evidence showing that unhappy emotions like anger and grief block healthy bodily functions, whereas emotions like joy, love, and gratitude enhance health and healing. In addition, rather obviously, feeling good is more fun than feeling bad, as well as more energizing and more enjoyable for others to be around. And yet, though most of us would rather feel great much more of the time, being happier isn't just about deciding to be. It's true that we can do quit a bit by intending to and choosing to focus on happiness with the conscious mind. But if you've been through traumas that your body and your subconscious are holding onto, releasing them is not about willpower—the conscious mind is the wrong tool for this job. What's required is a safe way to process the trauma that involves the body, emotions, mind, and spirit all at once. This is why I'm a passionate proponent of EFT, which is a superhero of a toolbox that is made precisely for this jobs well as for the processing of less difficult, but still not ideal, emotions.  Through using it, we can take back our power to let go of the old and outdated and live squarely and freely in the moment. 

Now let's get back to the subject of feeling good. With the power of the conscious mind, you can absolutely choose to spend time every day, even just in odd moments like while you're sitting in traffic or in line at the grocery store, consciously bringing to mind happy, fulfilling experiences you've had and making an effort to feel joy and gratitude for these experiences. By the way, these don't have to be grandiose, world-transforming memories, just those of times when you enjoyed something beautiful or the company of someone you like. We often spend a lot of time obsessing over what we want to change and fix in our lives; why not balance this out with thoughts of happiness and zest for the good things in life? Doing this for even a couple of minutes a day will give you a physical boost of happiness chemistry that can color your whole day with good mojo. It also builds better mental habits so that over time the balance of your thoughts will start to skew more positively, and you'll start to get out of vicious circles and into more productive ones.  Habit is powerful, and when a habit is enjoyable, it's easier to solidify it.  Just be sure to go about this exercise with a relaxed attitude and focus on the enjoyment of your happy memories.  You're not looking to force anything, just have a good time and appreciate the good times you've had in your life.

Now, while the mind is powerful, I want to point out that this kind mental focus won't work as well if you're not clearing out old traumas, because you'll find that it's hard to concentrate on what's good in the presence of the negative beliefs that arise from those.  It's also easier to do this if you've learned the basics of meditation, and know how to get back to a neutral place in your mind if more difficult memories or current concerns do interrupt your happiness and gratitude practice. And they will! Even the most practiced person alive never achieves lasting perfection. There's a concept in Buddhism that tells us that after achieving enlightenment, which is sometimes referred to as the dropping of burdens, we must eventually pick them up again and keep walking (go on with the business of living)—we should just do our best not to pick up more of them. In this interpretation, even those who achieve enlightenment don't necessarily stay in a beatific state forever, so don't be surprised when you (a normal mortal, I presume) can't manage to keep all your thoughts happy and bright! Still, the more you can clear out the charge of anything in your past that was traumatic, the fewer internal hooks your worries and complaints will have to hang onto.

One definition of trauma that I think is useful is: Anything that causes us to feel that our survival is threatened while we are, at the same time, powerless. Knowing how overactive many people's fight/flight/freeze response is in the modern world because of its constant, overwhelming pace and endless sensory stimulation, plus unreasonable societal expectations, it's easy to see how often we may experience trauma, whether or not we're used to thinking of it this way. Animals in the wild will physically shake off trauma, and researchers now believe that this natural response holds a key to humans' ability to heal as well.  When we can bring the body and its sensations into our healing work, sometimes even shaking as animals do as we let go of traumatic past experiences, we are better able to move forward without lasting effects continuing to limit us.  For more on the nature of and recommendations on healing trauma, you may find Waking the Tiger:  Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine and Ann Frederick to be useful.  Note that anyone who has big trauma in their past should seek the help of a qualified professional before attempting to work with it.  Having appropriate support in this kind of work from both professionals and family and friends is a requirement of creating the safety necessary for success.

I hope you will consider both the importance of using your mind and that of involving your emotions, body, and spirit in your concept of constant self-improvement and in your journey toward greater happiness.  Only in doing so will you find the most complete healing, the greatest reclamation of lost energy, and the most fulfilling empowerment you have sought.  Everyone deserves to live with authenticity and freedom from past difficulties, and I wish you more of those in the week ahead.

Fun for the Whole Family

“A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.”

— George Bernard Shaw

This week in the U.S., a lot of people will be spending time with family and friends they may not see very often, cooking up a storm in a time-sensitive sprint toward serving up dinner for the Thanksgiving holiday, and eating and drinking way too much. What could go wrong?

Often people feel a lot of pressure around holidays to act as family members expect them to, keeping the peace even though there are old, unresolved tensions underneath the surface that cause everyone a lot of stress.  We try to have a good time even if we're not being treated the way we'd like to be in hopes of helping everyone to stay happy, or at least civil. Any perceived deficiencies in the experience can bring into stark relief the gap between what we currently have and what we wish we'd had in the past, as well as between what we'd like and what currently is. It's a triggering time for many people, especially when we add in the extra demands on everyone's time, gift shopping (or making) for those whose holidays include a tradition of giving, a hectic round of parties, financial year-end activities at work, extra traffic on the roads, etc. This time of year can be a real powder keg. Not to scare anyone, but it's the time of year when the most heart attacks occur, probably because of the soup created by boiling all the above reasons in a pressure cooker. 

As I wrote last week, there are times when you're going to be busier than normal, and that's ok. The trick is, when you're busy and stressed, you need to be taking countermeasures to keep yourself sane. Believe it or not, there are some fast, free, simple things you can do to maintain your stability (go back and read last week's blog for more on that), but chief among them that I'll recommend this week is good old EFT. If you haven't yet learned the points to Tap on and the basics of how to do it, now's your chance! I know it may seem like a small, unimportant addition to your life when there's so much going on that's bigger, louder, and more dramatic than the call to pour a foundation of calm underneath it all, but this is something that is easy to learn and that can pay off every day of your life once you do. Imagine being able to help all of your body's systems to relax measurably in just a few minutes, and being able to calm uncomfortable emotions quickly as well. Life becomes so much better when your emotions and even how your body feels are not at the mercy of everyone and everything that crosses your path. The power of having a tool this effective that's gentle and always available has been life changing for me and many of my clients. I know it works from deep personal experience, and my mission is to help others to have access to all of these benefits as well. That means I'm going to challenge you to go learn it now. If not now, then when?  What are you waiting for?

There are many helpful actions you can take to boost your happiness and your sense of well being, but there aren't many that can deliver on so many levels all at the same time—physical, emotional, mental, and spiritua—-as  EFT does. To really "get" this in your bones, to see it in brilliant technicolor, you need to commit to using it consistently until you have an "aha" moment or three. I suggest practicing for a few minutes daily for at least two weeks, which should allow you to start feeling comfortable with the routine and notice some real benefits if you don't right away.  Then, when you're confronted by something shocking, insulting, annoying, or whatever, you can disappear for a few minutes and Tap yourself back to feeling more like yourself again. 

Family members will often have very different ways of looking at life than you do, and those may not be open to change. Sometimes the best thing you can do is learn to accept your differences, but that's generally not something that can be accomplished with only the conscious mind.  When there are old memories and patterns that trip up our experience of the present, those need to be addressed at the level where they're held:  In the subconscious mind and the body itself.  EFT does an amazing job of helping us to gently access and lighten the load of stored experiences so that we can become more free from the automatic reactions that arise before we're even aware of what's happening.  You don't have to agree with everyone you're related to on every subject, but clearing out the causes of your knee-jerk reactions allows you to decide how you will behave instead of running on autopilot when an old, annoying subject comes up.  You'll gain skill with EFT over time, but even the most basic routine can really help you to stay calm when you feel triggered and trapped.  Give it a try, and I think you'll be surprised at how a little can go a long way.

When It's All On the Line

“Revelations come when you’re in the thick of it, pitting yourself up against something larger than yourself.”

— Frank Langella

No matter how well you plan, there will be times of high activity as you drive toward a goal. Sometimes that goal might be continuing to do your darndest to raise your child right as s/he goes through a trying phase. Sometimes it will be coordinating numerous pieces of a business project that will make or break your position in your job or seriously impact your bottom line. It might be moving to a new location. Some goals just require that we power through difficulties to some extent because timing is critical. How can we do this without losing our grip and letting everything fall to pieces, including us? Here are my suggestions:

• When you're truly being stretched to the edges of your capacity, it's time to get serious about the fundamentals. You can't power through anything when you're floundering without proper nutrition, exercise, and sleep. These basics are never optional, but least of all when you need to perform at peak productivity and resourcefulness. 
• This is the time to ask for help. This may seem like yet another way in which you're stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone, but if you can challenge yourself to reach over your ego and tap someone else on the shoulder, you'll find a huge source of help and support waiting for you. Maybe you won't find what you were hoping for on the first try, but keep at it. You don't have to do everything alone, and depending on the complexity of your project, sometimes you literally can't. If you want to get more done in life, you need to improve your interpersonal skills and your willingness to partner with others to get where you want to go.
•  If you have forewarning, front-load some routine tasks, or set up a way to outsource them whether through cash or trade. With just a little thought and time invested, you can make sure what's absolutely necessary will be covered even if you can't handle it in the midst of everything else.
• Realize in advance that when your life is in a state of high demand, you may need to make some messes that will get cleaned up later. It's very rare that a highly challenging period will come and go entirely smoothly, and that's normal and ok. By all means do the best you can to keep on top of everything, but don't add unnecessary stress to the cacophony by expecting or trying to insist that everything be perfect. When things calm down again, or once you acclimate to the new pace of things, you can address the results of any minor explosions that occurred en route. 
• Plan to do something relaxing for yourself on the other side of all this heightened activity so you have something to look forward to, and sneak in relaxing moments throughout this time whenever you can. As a teacher of mine used to say, a muscle that's always tense is not useful. You need to stay flexible  in order to get things done, and to do that you need to be able to relax and breathe.

Most of this may seem fairly obvious now, but when we're being challenged in a major way, sometimes we stop thinking because we go into some degree of fight/flight/freeze mode, and it all goes out the window. The more you get used to thinking along these lines, the more this habitual thinking will remain an asset when you find yourself overwhelmed and on auto-pilot. Times when you feel pushed to your limits may be among the most difficult of your life, but if you have a few helpful strategies at the ready, they can also be among the most rewarding.

Not Again!

“What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.”

— Billy Crystal

Life moves pretty fast, but many of us feel that the progress we most want is slow in coming. Learning new things, finding or creating the right opportunities, and starting new ventures often takes waaaay longer than we want it to. Frustration is a common complaint because the experience of working hard and never seeming to get anywhere is commonplace. Because I'm pretty sure that you can relate, in this blog I want to address how we can deal with being in this stew of frustration. 

Sometimes when I work with clients on frustration, we get them to a place of feeling great, but they immediately start to worry that the frustration will just return. And I have to agree—it will! Just as achieving proper hydration today is a feat you'll need to repeat tomorrow even if you ace it today, managing your emotional life and your thoughts is work that will always need doing. Sorry if I've burst your bubble because you thought there was such a thing as being perfect and "done." It may look to you from the outside like some people have it all together and are beyond internal turmoil. Trust me on this, except for perhaps the odd below-the-radar enlightened master among us, they're not!

If we live in a constant state of frustration, it's because we're not appropriately 1. blowing off steam and 2. allowing novelty into our lives. We cannot ignore and repress anything that even smells like an emotion for decades at a time and expect to feel calm and unconflicted. Emotions are actually there for a reason. They send us important messages about what's not working for us so we can become aware of the problem and fix it. If your emotions seem huge and painful, unless you have a chemical imbalance of some sort or have experienced significant trauma, it's probably because you've ignored smaller waves of emotion, and now they've become more intense as they've piled up. If you do the work required to become aware of what they're pointing to and deal with that issue appropriately, you'll find relief. I know almost none of us is taught how to do this, but there are various ways.  I think you know I'm a big fan of Tapping, which not only helps you to release excess built-up emotion, but also to quite naturally find root causes and new perspectives on your situation that will help you to change old patterns. As far as the novelty piece of the equation, when you're frustrated, don't you feel like it's just same thing day after day after day? Well, maybe it is. And maybe that's because you're not trying new things, seeking diverse outside viewpoints, or making new connections to break your logjam.  These two things can get you unstuck from continued frustration fairly efficiently, opening up new possibilities that allow you to feel freer.

The last tactic I want to mention is the cultivation of more robust spiritual, mental, and emotional endurance—translation:  Patience. The ability to continue striving to stay conscious, and continue learning and attempting to produce better results every day for extended periods, even when progress is slow, all without freaking out, is very well worth cultivating. In our instant-gratification culture, this may sound like just about the least enjoyable thing ever, but little to no enduring work has ever been created without it.  Take a look at this blog for hints about how to increase your capacity for patience.  Hopefully all of these elements together will help to buoy you up the next time you feel stuck and frustrated.  No one enjoys feeling stuck, and when you're in that place, you're not able to be the best self that will most benefit your happiness, as well as the world around you.

WhatIfWhatIfWhatIf...

“I’m never sure one is exactly ready. You jump in, with both feet, into a very big fish pond.”

— Julie Andrews

I've noticed in my work that people often stop themselves from moving forward because of a conviction that they don't know what they're doing. Now, I'll be the last one to argue that anyone should dive into unknown waters, where dangers might lurk, in a needlessly clueless state. But often, people who are stuck in this way are incredibly smart, educated, and to all external appearances, fully prepared for success in the areas they're holding themselves back from.  When you're observing someone else in this position, it can be hard to understand the delays and avoidance, because these may seem completely illogical, even silly from your perspective.  Unfortunately, for the person experiencing internal gridlock, the conflict can be intense and very frustrating, because the reasons are very often not conscious.  To get right to the heart of things, the true fear at the bottom of immobility may be the projection of any number of outcomes, such as:

• Fear of failure. As in, "What if I fail? I'll be humiliated publicly. I'll prove naysayers right. I'll lose my shirt.  I'll feel bad about myself. Again."
• Fear of success. "People I care about will be jealous. They will have to adjust to the new me, and will be angry because it won't be comfortable. People will think I'm too big for my britches," (to use an old-school turn of phrase!)
• Fear of not being good enough. "If I let people really see me, they'll realize that I'm a fraud."
• Fear of the point of no return. "If I crash and burn, my reputation will be ruined, and no one will ever trust me again. I'll be so crushed that I'll never have the heart to try again. I'll live out my life in bitterness and obscurity."

Heavy stuff, right? But these are the most common worries that keep us from taking appropriate risks so that we can continue to gain experience, learn, and move (if stumbling) ever forward. If you find yourself in this position in some way, here are some ways to think and act to support your progress:

• If you're going to take on a goal that entails risk, it helps to research the tasks that will be required, ask the more experienced people you can find about what you need to know, consult books and the Internet, consider realistic timelines based on your resources, and work on amassing the knowledge and skills you'll need at your fingertips as you go. Then you need to formulate a plan that organizes your vision into consecutive tasks so that you'll have a map to follow throughout the project. These steps need to become a constant, second nature, if you want to make steady progress
• Acknowledge that you don't have to be perfectly ready in order to start taking action, because that would be impossible. It's ok to work out some things on the fly. No matter what they say, or how experienced they are, everyone does
• It's also ok to allow your plans and timelines to be as flexible as necessary as long as they keep you on track within any hard deadlines that legitimately cannot move. There will always be surprises in the execution of any project.  Berating yourself if things change is not helpful.  Adjusting is
• Finally, consciously remember to apply the habits and tools at your disposal that will help you to stay sane as you stretch yourself—proper nutrition, exercise, appropriate amounts of sleep and downtime so that you won't burn out, social time, EFT for your doubts and worries, and anything else you know helps you recharge your drive and enthusiasm

No one who makes a climb toward a goal knows everything. Neither will you. The trick is to accept that, and equip yourself with the support you'll need to get through challenging times. 

Take a moment to ask yourself whether you're convinced that you're not ready in some part of your life in which you've done a lot of preparation, but are not currently taking action toward what you want. If so, ask yourself why. Is it one of the fears mentioned above that worries you? Something else? Often there will be one feeling or conviction that stands out as very sharp and hard to ignore.  If there is, you might want to get help working with that rather than fighting against it.

Once you're clear on what seems to be holding you back, start mapping out a new plan that will address your concerns, even if it's very general to start with. Remember, you're always going to be learning and fleshing out your plan as you go along, because you can't just magically know in advance everything that will happen once you get started and what the best reactions will be. If you don't know what to do next, consult the best advice you have access to and go from there. If you do nothing, you'll go nowhere—pretty much for sure! Why not put on your shoes and take a few steps? You can always change course, but much revelation only comes to you when you're in motion, having experiences and making connections. Wherever you are, you're good enough and prepared enough to just start.

Clear the Decks!

“In the scope of a happy life, a messy desk or an overstuffed coat closet is a trivial thing, yet I find—and I hear from other people that they agree—that getting rid of clutter gives a disproportionate boost to happiness.”

— Gretchen Rubin

Everyone who wants to learn how to maintain a high level of effectiveness in life must master the basics of organization. If you're not good at this and dread tackling the task of improving these skills, I hear you! It doesn't sound like fun to admit you're kind of a disaster in some ways, and to design systems you'll need to sink constant effort into if you want benefits. The first step in determining whether to focus on this is to admit and accept where you are versus where you'd like to be; if you're totally content with your level of success, well, more power to you! That's fantastic. For the rest of us, the question is, "Are there ways in which I could make more progress if I cleared the decks?"  If your answer is yes, and you want progress, you have your answer.

Imagine for a moment that you had a clean, clutter-free environment in which to do your thing. What if you knew that you were all caught up with communication and any tasks that you owe to others? That would be a great feeling, right? I'm betting you'd feel more free to work on the next steps toward your goals, and a greater sense of enthusiasm. That would serve you well, particularly if you were able to maintain this consistently. So why don't you do what it takes to get here...?  I have a few guesses:

• Overwhelm. You are literally trying to do too much, and you can't do any of it as effectively as you might if you learned to be more realistic with your time. See this article on time management. Challenge: Staying true to your most important values and getting comfortable with saying no to what is not yours to do.  This might sound easy. It's usually not!
• As mentioned, putting kick-a$$ organizational systems in place that you will adhere to over the long term sounds like a drag. Challenge: Make it more palatable by enlisting the help of a friend who loves to organize, or hire a professional to help you get set up with what you need. Remind yourself that life requires maintenance of numerous kinds, and this is one of them. Do you need to eat every day? Pretty much. Do you need to exercise regularly to stay healthy? Yup. Do you need to clear the decks continually as clutter piles up? Yes. Yes you do.
• You're avoiding something that's buried in those disorganized piles, or harsh judgments you might make about yourself along the way if you confronted them—or you're avoiding having the time and space to work on what you really want because of fears connected with your concepts of success and failure. Challenge: Allow yourself to see what your resistance is really about. Then be willing to do the work it will take to reduce it and increase your enthusiasm for the tasks ahead.  

Does creating space for your own successful functioning take effort? Why yes! But if you want to spend your time on what you choose and create results, you need this effort. You want this effort, because you want these results! You can work on this a little at a time. In fact, if you want to go the distance, you'll need to get into the habit of small, but constant, daily efforts. It may seem unsustainable at first to add yet another task to your list, but over time, this is a habit that will create more energy than it burns. As with anything, you gain confidence and efficiency through practice and small victories. When you get good at this, and you're not getting tripped up by so much visual noise and other distractions, you'll be free to build momentum that will be hard to stop—and that's when life gets exciting!

Climbing Your Mountain

“If you sense there must be more, there is more.”

— Alan Cohen

I recently worked with a client who is my new hero. This person had been dealing with a sometimes-crippling fear of flying for decades. S/he had been through numerous ups and downs with air travel, including some humiliating moments in connection with work-related travel and trips by land that took much more effort than they might have because flying wasn't an option.  This fear was, basically, the bane of his/her existence, and there was no clear, logical explanation for it that s/he had ever been able to discern. But recently, s/he decided to go big and book the trip of a lifetime with a new love, and s/he came to me in hopes of getting beyond this old pattern. (Please forgive the pronoun awkwardness, but all my clients have the right to anonymity, and I preserve that here through some generalities.  The client I write about has also approved this message!)

This person had just had enough, I think. And while this approach may not be right for everyone, s/he decided to draw a line in the sand, give him/herself a huge inducement to find a solution, and take a leap of faith toward a whole new set of possibilities. The timing must have seemed right. Something inside this person was whispering that s/he could have more, be more, and s/he listened. The courage s/he displayed in this inspires me. 

So we worked on looking at the situation from various angles, searching for clues and connections. Some of it we still didn't fully "figure out," but through the power of EFT, we were able to greatly improve how s/he felt about flying anyway. I gave him/her some tools to use in case difficulties arose. And you know what?  S/he told me afterward that s/he was able to enjoy it as the trip of a lifetime it was meant to be, and s/he sailed through it with no problem. 

This felt like a huge accomplishment for the client's year, like having scaled a mountain! I was thrilled and honored to be a part of this work—this kind of result is one the most gratifying things about what I do. And none of it would have come about if s/he had not decided to act boldly first and find a way second. There was no plan B here, as s/he could not have traveled to this overseas destination in time any other way. Again, this is not always the right approach for everyone, but it certainly was galvanizing and exciting, and the client was richly rewarded for the risk with the transformation of his/her relationship with travel, which had been fraught with debilitating fear for so long.

If you've been dogged for a long time by a familiar pattern of limitation, could you find a bold, enticing way to try something new? What would motivate you to really take a leap of faith with enough of a chance of success to still be appealing?  You too might want to make sure you have the support of a professional of some sort, depending on the endeavor and the risk; if you're committed to success in an area way outside your comfort zone, it can really make sense to have a mentor, teacher, or coach who is familiar with the ground you're about to cover to guide you across. You might need a supportive friend, or many, to cheer you on.  Even if this kind of choice really isn't your style,  I hope you find this story inspiring evidence of one possible way to go about effecting big, dramatic change through elective challenge. So much is possible for us if we can keep trying new approaches until we find the one that finally sparks the magic we need to boost us to the next level of joy and accomplishment in life.

Oh %&*#!

“We all wish to be brave and strong in the face of disaster. We all wish to be looked up to for our endurance and efforts to help others.”

— Clarissa Pinkola Estes

When it seems like the world is falling apart around you, whether it's events in your personal life or in the world at large that are leading to this impression, what will you do? We all go through periods like this, and while they may never fully make sense to you, even in distant hindsight, we all want to get back to having a sense of balance, purpose and momentum. In my opinion, the worst thing we can do in this situation is retreat from thought and emotion and deny what's happening (except to the extent that we may be in shock and need some time to recover). The best things in life come from using our conscious awareness.

In most cultures, we are not taught to handle discomfort and stay functional while in periods of intense difficulty. We're definitely not taught to be open, even with ourselves, about our emotions, and techniques for handling them artfully. Both of these skills have an important place in dealing with particularly difficult, even tragic times.

I'll be honest, the first skill is not easy to build if you're an empathetic person, and if you are, it may never be your greatest strength. Focusing in on the moment at hand and allowing yourself to think only of what you can do to help yourself and others in this particular situation takes strong intention, concentration, courage, and a willingness to reach deep into your reserves of confidence for belief in your ability to serve yourself and others. This is more difficult to do if you feel deeply for others who are in pain. But working on finding these qualities in yourself makes you massively useful when the going gets tough or even horrible. One of the most important things you can do if you want to grow your capacity in this regard, perhaps counterintuitively, is to meditate regularly. There are many styles of meditation, so if you do some research, hopefully you'll find one that appeals to you. You cannot function well under duress if you don't have access to a quiet place within that feels familiar and clear when you need it most. On the outward, action-oriented side of things, it also helps to challenge yourself regularly to stay calm while outside of your comfort zone. Knowing that you can experience discomfort without sustaining long-term harm is an important foundation for getting through tough times. You gain confidence by proving this to yourself through experience. You also gain faith in your own creativity and resourcefulness as you figure out steps to succeed on the fly when you're not sure what to do.  Even if you fail, at the very least, you'll gain data on how to do better next time. And that is priceless.

Knowing how to be open about your emotions and handle them, the second skill set, is more about picking up the pieces when you've made it through the worst of your challenge, because it's far easier to process emotion in the relative quiet and safety of the "after" picture. If you're dealing with severe trauma, it will be best to work with a professional who can guide you appropriately so that you  can avoid being retraumatized as you work back toward a calmer baseline. If what you have work with is more manageable, you can work through it in small chunks using EFT's numerous techniques and often reach a truly gratifying level of insight and peace. There are many ways you can make progress in processing emotion—this is by no means the only way—but I have found it to be the most empowering because EFT is a self-help set of tools that you can use free of charge whenever you need them. Because EFT brings the body (which stores many aspects of difficult experiences until we find a way to release them) into the equation along with your private store of experiences and impressions, it brings about permanent change in ways that just talking about an experience, or turning it over to a practitioner of some sort, can't do.

As you become more accustomed to the process of admitting how you feel while taking simple steps to tap down the intensity of your stored emotions, you find that suddenly big emotions are not as frightening. Releasing them, and allowing in the perspective changes and resulting healing, starts to feel like a natural and even enjoyable sequence. The feeling of freedom that results in knowing that you can thoroughly let go of old "stuff" and feel lighter, as well as get back the energy it took for the body to hold onto that stuff, is a natural "high." Churning through the backlog of old emotion you've stored over the course of decades takes some doing, but as soon as you experience what it's like to get a taste of this freedom, I think you'll begin to understand its value.

Functioning well no matter how crazy life gets can be a pretty tall order.  Building your ability to do this takes time and effort, true, but it also gives you powerful options for creating the life you want despite what's going on around and inside you.  Using tools that support this goal but don't require you to pretend or ignore your real needs is a revolutionary act, and I highly recommend it!  The best time to lay the foundation for sailing through challenge with the highest degree of functionality, and to repair damage you've sustained afterward, is always when you're not in the thick of it. Start now. As soon as things get hairy, you'll be grateful that you did. 

Oh, Now What?

“To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect.”

— Oscar Wilde

It's important to have a strong vision of where you want your life to go if you want to get something done. Specific goals that can light your way forward are key. But even assuming you have all that, plus good basic habits, in place, what about when "life" happens? When the world lobs critical distractions your way, what do you do? 

For each of us, distractions might look different; something that for one person would barely register as a problem would be a game-changer for someone else. What's universal is that there is, no doubt, something that could derail your best-laid plans—and sometimes something does. The question of how you'll handle it can determine the course of your life...but no pressure! But seriously, knowing that these pivotal moments will occur, often when you least expect them, it's a good idea to think through how to prepare. 

Having a written list of your highest values will help a lot when you're confronted with impediments. Something disruptive has crossed your path, but how much of your attention will you give it? Is it for you, or is it something you will deflect back out of your experience? Is it calling you to hew to your highest values, rise to the occasion, stretch, and grow, even if it halts or slows the momentum of other projects? If so, it may be a valuable opportunity in disguise, and giving it your full attention might be the most appropriate choice. The choice of where to focus your energy at times like this can define your experience of whole chunks of your life, so whatever you decide, make sure you've done it after consideration, and consultation with both others your choice will affect, and people you trust to think through decisions with you.  Be sure to check to see whether your choice is ultimately in line with your values; this will help you to appreciate the life you're living and stay motivated throughout its ups and downs.

When you're at a crossroads, chances are that no decision will leave a beautifully clear and tidy aftermath. That's ok. You're looking for a decision that expresses the best of you and who you wish to become. We can envision an ideal future all we want, but any route we map out to get there will inevitably have to shift. Often, I think, having to reroute gives us the strength of broader experience than our straight, planned path would have afforded. It may even prove to be the catalyst for the manifestation of our own brand of genius. Sometimes the best results come  from a collision of forces interacting in ways we could never have foreseen.

Because change is often challenging and uncomfortable, we may live in dread of disruption. Depending on how much time we spend worrying, this can be a huge waste of energy, and very demoralizing as well. A better use of time and energy would be to use any worries that arise as signposts that point us to the preparation we could be doing, and doing the work of staying calm and healthy; this way, when challenges do show up, we'll be in a better position to meet them with our full reserves of creativity and resourcefulness. We'll know that we are as prepared as we could make ourselves for this important moment. Plus, taking even small actions feels better than being an immobilized ball of worry. Being as healthy as we can feels better than than giving up our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual conditions to circumstance and flailing around in confusion.

Life never really goes as planned. We can fight this principle or accept it and prepare for it as best we can. Which option you choose will change what is possible for you when the chips are down. This week, keep your eyes peeled for how you might begin to shore up worries and other energy drains with small, manageable actions. Remember that even in mitigating risk, you can find things to enjoy. Celebrate what's good about your health and readiness now, and what parts of your life are already beautiful. The present moment is, after all, the only place there is to feel enjoyment and satisfaction. The more you attune yourself to feeling good in each moment, the more you can do this even in the midst of disruption, which will help you emerge more quickly to the other side.